"Glee" Episode 220 Recap: You Are the Dancing Queen

If you’d told me when I was a little dyke that one day there’d be a mega-popular youth audience show with five, count ‘em five, major queer characters all with their own powerful storylines, I’d have patted you on the head and done my best to avoid you from then on.

And yet, here we have it, with prom dresses, tuxes and corsages. That’s right: This week, Glee went to the prom.

Jacob Ben-Israel found it all too exciting, especially since it gave him the chance to ask semi-reformed bad boy Puck, “Where does Lauren keep your balls?”

When Puck threatened violence, Jacob just swallowed and squeaked, “I’m not scared; I’ve been hit by a girl before.”

But Puck’s clearly thinking. So is Principal Figgins; when his favorite band, Air Supply, bails on playing at the prom, Figgins offers New Directions the $400 he was going to pay them if they’d take the gig. Will is reluctant at first, because the group needs to practice for Nationals, which are only 3 weeks away, but finally agrees.

Sue, of course, wants none of it, giving as her reason something about a punch bowl that frankly makes no sense at all.

When Will tells the Glee Club they’re going to be the prom band, Mercedes isn’t happy at the news, because she doesn’t have a prom date. Brittany, having split with Artie and been turned down by a frightened Santana, says she doesn’t have a date, either. She’s just going to dance with everyone else’s dates. “So all your dates are my dates,” she says with a happy fist pump.

Mercedes walks out of the choir room, and Rachel follows her. Mercedes tells Rachel that even though she talks tough about not needing a man — and in fact, she doesn’t need one — she still has the prom fantasy of a guy telling her she looks beautiful and asking her to dance.

Rachel says she doesn’t have a prom date, either, but she does have a plan. So does Kurt, who asks Blaine to be his date. They’re holding hands in the sweetest possible way, too.

Who could possibly turn down a guy who is wearing a camouflage shirt and a bow tie? But Blaine hesitates anyway. It turns out that, at his old school, right after he came out, he’d asked the only other gay guy at school to a dance, after which three guys “beat the crap out of them.”

We knew Blaine had been bullied at his old school, but we never knew he’d been the victim of violence. I know there’s been some talk about Blaine “running away” and not confronting his bullies, but really, if three guys gang up on you and beat you badly, what the hell are you supposed to do? Invite them to a meeting of the Gay-Straight Student Alliance?

Kurt is perfectly awesome in response. He points out that even if Blaine feels he failed to stand up to the bullies at his school, now he can stand up to them at Kurt’s. But, he says, if Blaine’s really not comfortable with going, they can just take in a movie instead.

“You know I’m crazy about you,” Blaine says, reaching out for Kurt’s hands again.

“I take it that’s a ‘yes’?” Kurt says, making flirty eyes at Blaine. And of course, it is.

Rachel’s plan turns out to be a “three way date” — in the non-dirty sense — with her, Mercedes, and Sam. Sam’s in — in fact, he says he’d be honored. And yes, having the two biggest divas in the school on your arm is an honor, Sam. Glad you appreciate it. Also, it was AfterElton editor Dennis who wrote that caption about him needing a haircut last week; I’m totally loving the hair.

Next we get a prom dress fashion show with Lauren Zizes and Santana. Kurt’s been brought in as the ultimate fashion arbiter, which role he performs brilliantly.