Previously on Wynonna Earp, a cobweb-covered posse randomly blew into Purgatory like tumbleweeds to lynch Doc, Waverly Maury-ed Doc with the news that he might not be Wynonna’s baby daddy, and Wynonna revealed that the real baby daddy might be a Revenant named Jonas with a God complex. Who she promptly killed. Call Jerry Springer!
Last season, we didn’t get super deep into the Earp mythology. That the descendants of Wyatt Earp were cursed, there were 77 Revenants who would be around for each descendant to kill (or not, depending on his or her luck) starting on the heir’s 27th birthday, and Doc Holliday was granted immortality by the Stone Witch but then thrown into a well to suffer loneliness for eternity were about as much as we got. This episode is all about the Earp mythology. Specifically, providing the backstory for the curse, Bobo Del Rey, and how the Widows fit into that mythology. And boy is it a good story.
We begin with Waverly recounting to Wynonna a time—probably one of many—that their sister Willa tried to kill her by making her walking onto a frozen lake whose ice she knew wasn’t thick enough to support Waverly’s weight (Remember last season we also learned she made Waverly walk on a beam in the barn? I think we can all agree Willa was an awful human being and deserved to be chewed to death slowly by Mictian the Living Tentacle rather than mercifully shot by Wynonna). It turns out that Waverly’s childhood was kind of sucky: she was ignored and passed over by her parents and tortured by Willa. In hindsight, she assesses, it’s obvious she isn’t an Earp based on how she was treated.
On the middle of the Road to Nowhere, Juan Carlos the Good Samaritan/part-time AAA guy gets out to help a stranded motorist. Except that motorist is actually Not Mercedes and she wants to know where the third seal is. We learn from their exchange that it was Juan Carlos who initially trapped the Widows, and he recognizes Not Mercedes immediately for what she is. Not Beth bites him in the back (seriously? Through his winter coat? In the shoulder blade?), and there goes my theory that Juan Carlos is an angel. Darn. An angel totally would have seen that coming.
This tastes nothing like chicken.
At Shorty’s, we learn that Doc is still seeing Rosie. When talking to her, he refers to her as his “lover” and Wynonna as his “friend.” Uuuuugh. So much for Doc’s redemptive note from a few episodes ago about being “all in.” What the heck, Doc? Rosie is jealous of the time that Doc spends with the Scoobies and furthermore wants to know where he’s going, since he’s headed out on his own private mission. Ever the secretive plotter, Doc will only tell her it involves the salt flats.
Won’t he be surprised to find the Stone Witch gone! In another part of town, Wynonna is being the world’s worst ob-gyn patient. This baby is real and coming soon and she still isn’t ready to handle it, but she’s running out of time. She flees from the gynecologist’s office before she can find out the gender of her baby, but is promptly abducted by Juan Carlos’s truck. Well, you know, whoever was driving. Not the truck itself. This isn’t “Cars.”