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“Wynonna Earp” S2. E7: Baby Daddy Drama

Previously on “Wynonna Earp,” Black Badge Division was like, “Aw hell naw” and left Purgatory/the world, Hypnos the Sleep Demon put everyone in Purgatory to sleep for months so the Widows could look for the second seal, Wynonna got super pregnant, super fast, the Widows successfully broke the second seal (after stealing Jeremy’s research, making the entire enchanted sleep incident moot, BTW), Tucker Gardiner killed the Stone Witch, and the men in Wynonna’s life are all in on raising this baby with her.

This week’s episode starts with Wynonna and Dolls kicking open the door to the Gardiner residence looking for Tucker. They don’t know that Tucker killed the Stone Witch, only that he kidnapped Hypnos’ daughter and held her captive at the Earp homestead and it’s time to take the future serial killer down.

Not Mercedes claims she and her sister fell asleep and woke up locked in a room, and that she isn’t surprised that Tucker is a creepy psychopath, but Wynonna immediately redirects to ask if the Gardiners don’t happen to “know a couple of crazy bitches who like to get their Halloween on in creepy black dresses.” Ziiing, point script writers.

Despite the Not Gardiner sisters’ denial, Wynonna recognizes that something is up. Mercedes is normally a “fun bitch,” not a “bitch bitch.” Wynonna knows this type of thing. After she and Dolls leave, the Not Gardiners throw the Stone Witch’s head in the fireplace to hide the evidence, clearly not understanding that they need heat of over 1,400 degrees Fahrenheit to cremate bone. What I’m saying is, next time Wynonna shows up they’re going to have to explain away a skull in their fireplace.

In a cobweb-covered barn, a young man awakens his cobweb-covered boss. Both are dressed in 1880s Western attire and speak in stereotypical Western accents. The boy reports he’s finally tracked down Doc Holliday, and his boss says it’s time for Doc to pay for his crimes. Meanwhile, a very Hollywood Western soundtrack plays while they speak. Remember when I said the show seemed to be deviating from its Western vibe? Nevermind about that. Also, and no one judge me for this, but we are seven episodes in and I just realized that the two women in black in the new credits scene are the Widows, because they are the Big Bads for the season. Observation fail.

Back at the Homestead, Jeremy explains that Black Badge had custody of the Widows until Doc accidentally broke them out with his dynamite in the first episode of the season. The Widows had been contained for over a century but hadn’t yet been examined by Black Badge, which is why no one knew beforehand about their venomous breath superpower.

Waverly relays that she was able to translate some of the writing on the seal at last. It said “Let thee rise” in Phoenician. Baddies in Purgatory are always trying to summon one bad thing or another out of the Hellmouth, so that’s not really a surprise. Wynonna, who is eating Cabot Greek yoghurt out of the carton on her stomach like my life dream, is none too excited to see the obstretrician-gynecologist that Doc and Dolls have Shanghaied into the house, nor is the obgyn particularly excited to see her, but the good news is the baby seems to be doing just fine. It has a REALLY strong heartbeat. Wink. The bad news is that the doctor has asked for a blood sample from Wynonna and the father, and Wynonna finally admits to Waverly that Doc might not actually be the 100% slam dunk father. Aaaawkwaard.

Speaking of Doc, he’s just met the definitely not human boy with the hokey Western accent. In 1882, a warrant was filed in Colorado for Doc’s arrest, the boy explains, and he’s here to see that the warrant is carried out. Doc’s explanation that he spent over 100 years years trapped in a well by a witch and thus why he couldn’t be present to defend himself gains him no sympathy from the boy, who sticks a red hot gun barrel against the base of Doc’s neck, proclaiming that Doc has been marked with fire for capture and execution by the boy’s boss. The IRS should really look into hiring this boy…

Back in the house, Waverly is flipping out about how Doc will react to the news that he’s not necessarily the father of Wynonna’s baby, but maybe it’s less about Doc than her own fears about how the dynamics of the Scoobies will change if there’s conflict between Doc and Wynonna. She promises to stand by Wynonna when she tells Doc the news, but when Doc appears, Waverly is out the door in a flash. Doc then proceeds to make Wynonna’s life even harder by vowing to be as hands-on or off a dad as Wynonna wants, and to ensure that Wynonna is happy. This, of course, makes it impossible for Wynonna to tell him he might not be her baby daddy. As he leaves, Waverly tries to talk to him, but he shrugs her off. Waverly assumes Wynonna told him and he’s upset, so as he peels out, she puts in a call to Nicole to come “babysit” Wynonna while she handles Doc for her sister.

Meanwhile, Dolls and Jeremy are “staking out” the Gardiner house. Basically it involves sitting in the obvious, wide open and just staring at Beth Gardiner sweeping the front porch while Jeremy provides comedic relief in the form of awkward and insensitive comments. Jeremy discovers in his pocket a small bit of lace from one of the Widows’ veils, and Dolls decides that analyzing the fabric will somehow enable them to find and track the Widows or something. I don’t know, roll with it.

 

Waverly follows Doc to Shorty’s, where Doc is preparing his weapons. Waverly, predictably, blabs that Wynonna’s baby might not be his and Doc, who is preparing to fight for his life against these weird holdouts from 1882, snarls it might be the baby is better off not being his and leaves. One crisis at a time.

Nicole and Wynonna have gone to “Pussy Willows,” a strip club on the other side of town. It turns out that 1) Wynonna danced there at one time in order to make enough money to buy a one-way bus ticket out of Purgatory when she was a teenager (stripper name: Aphrodite), and 2) several months ago she had a one night stand with the owner (bartender?) of “Pussy Willows,” Jonas…who might be her baby daddy…and who, Wynonna and Nicole discover to their horror, is also a Revenant. Wynonna explains to Nicole the sequence of alcohol-fueled events that led to her unwittingly sleeping with one of her family’s mortal enemies while Nicole calculates the catastrophic possible genetic combination of Earp and Revenant, then Waverly calls. The following is their conversation, verbatim:

Waverly: I hear music.

Nicole, panicking: No.

Waverly, suspicious and analyzing: Trashy. Pumping. *Gasps* You’re at a strip joint!

Nicole, helplessly: Aphrodite made me do it!

Waverly, commanding: Tell me which one.

Nicole, lost: We’re at…

*Wynonna dumps phone in beer stein*

Waverly, incensed: Hello? Oh, you did not just hang up on me.

 

Nicole urges Wynonna to leave while she gets the saliva sample from Jonas for which Wynonna brought them to “Pussy Willow.” Just then, however, the demon maybe baby daddy comes over. Nicole takes Wynonna’s shots so that Jonas won’t see that Wynonna is pregnant, but Jonas says he knows Wynonna is there to kill him. Which, of course, is news to Nicole and Wynonna, who honestly only wanted DNA for a paternity test. Except a few moments later, Jonas reveals that actually he pretty much just wants to rape Wynonna in the back alley, claiming that his friends would mob Wynonna and Nicole before they got even two rounds off and therefore she has to do what he says. Who says chivalry is dead? Nicole pulls her pistol from her ankle holster and shoots out the fuse box just as Wynonna elbows Jonas in the throat.

Back at Scooby HQ, Jeremy thinks he can develop a vaccine against the Widows’ paralyzing venom breath using the lace fragment. Instead, he accidentally binds himself to Doc and Dolls so they can’t go more than a few feet from each other. As Jeremy furiously searches for a way to undo the spell, a noose lands around Doc’s neck. As Doc is strung up by the cobweb-covered boss man, Dolls and Jeremy are affected too, complicating the boss man’s efforts to render justice against Doc. The boss man is an insubstantial phantom, so when Doc tries to punch him, his fist goes right through. Nothing of this world can hurt him, the boss man says, so when Dolls successfully punches him, it reinforces that Dolls is not of this world. Tiny super sexy dragon.

Nicole and Wynonna are making good their escape from “Pussy Willow” when Wynonna points out a problem: now Jonas knows she’s pregnant, and it’s bad news when your enemies know you have a vulnerability. Jonas pops out into the alley right on cue and is excited that he might be the father of an Earp-Revenant hybrid, spouting some nonsense about being the next Adam and Eve. Wynonna pulls Peacemaker, but can’t kill him. He goes to run, but is knocked out by Waverly opening the door to her Jeep into his face. Nicole explains that Jonas might be Wynonna’s baby daddy, and they decide to bring him in to Scooby HQ to get a DNA sample.

At Scooby HQ, Dolls chides Doc about needing to be a responsible father and stop his “lone wolf” attitude, but Doc snaps back that he might not be the father at all. Just then, ghost boss man comes back to settle his unfinished business with Doc. Jeremy turns and runs, which draws Dolls and Doc with him. When they get outside the sheriff’s office, however, a ghost posse materializes with rifles and revolvers ready (they, too, are covered with cobwebs, because honestly why not?). The ghost posse marches the male Scoobies out to the woods. Doc argues that Dolls and Jeremy should be let go, but boss man says that by harboring a fugitive (Doc), they made themselves criminals and will be punished as well. Dolls figures out that the ghost posse are U.S. Marshals and boss man is the legendary Bass Reeves, who inspired Dolls himself to join the marshals. Dolls then pulls rank: he’s a supervisory deputy marshal and has several deputies under him, meaning he technically outranks Reeves. Reeves capitulates, giving Dolls Doc’s death sentence, which Dolls tears up. The posse leaves.

In the middle of nowhere, where the female Scoobies have taken Jonas, Jonas tells Wynonna that a Revenant breeding with a human has happened before, and the camera helpfully pans to Waverly. Foreshadowing much? Jonas issues some creepy, sexist, inappropriate babble and Wynonna replies that she’ll raise her child to be everything he’s not.

Then she sends him back to Hell. “Here’s to single motherhood,” Wynonna says. Then a moment later, after Waverly asks what the baby is, says, “Ours.” Because the heart of the show, like for the movie “Frozen,” is the unbreakable bond between two sisters. At Scooby HQ, Dolls says Doc: “You are the father. Because we need you to be the father.” Which is kind of super awesome.

At the Homestead, Waverly admits to Wynonna that she told Doc he might not be the father of Wynonna’s baby. Wynonna looks for the silver lining and says at least it’s an Earp, and Auntie Waverly can teach it the Earp family history. This, of course, makes Waverly cry. “I don’t think I’m your sister,” Waverly says, “or even an Earp at all.”

Money says she’s half Revenant. I still hope she has superpowers.

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