“Wynonna Earp” S2. E7: Baby Daddy Drama

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Previously on “Wynonna Earp,” Black Badge Division was like, “Aw hell naw” and left Purgatory/the world, Hypnos the Sleep Demon put everyone in Purgatory to sleep for months so the Widows could look for the second seal, Wynonna got super pregnant, super fast, the Widows successfully broke the second seal (after stealing Jeremy’s research, making the entire enchanted sleep incident moot, BTW), Tucker Gardiner killed the Stone Witch, and the men in Wynonna’s life are all in on raising this baby with her.

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This week’s episode starts with Wynonna and Dolls kicking open the door to the Gardiner residence looking for Tucker. They don’t know that Tucker killed the Stone Witch, only that he kidnapped Hypnos’ daughter and held her captive at the Earp homestead and it’s time to take the future serial killer down.

Not Mercedes claims she and her sister fell asleep and woke up locked in a room, and that she isn’t surprised that Tucker is a creepy psychopath, but Wynonna immediately redirects to ask if the Gardiners don’t happen to “know a couple of crazy bitches who like to get their Halloween on in creepy black dresses.” Ziiing, point script writers.

Despite the Not Gardiner sisters’ denial, Wynonna recognizes that something is up. Mercedes is normally a “fun bitch,” not a “bitch bitch.” Wynonna knows this type of thing. After she and Dolls leave, the Not Gardiners throw the Stone Witch’s head in the fireplace to hide the evidence, clearly not understanding that they need heat of over 1,400 degrees Fahrenheit to cremate bone. What I’m saying is, next time Wynonna shows up they’re going to have to explain away a skull in their fireplace.

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Anyone seen a twerpy future serial killer? Sorry, we probably should have just knocked.

In a cobweb-covered barn, a young man awakens his cobweb-covered boss. Both are dressed in 1880s Western attire and speak in stereotypical Western accents. The boy reports he’s finally tracked down Doc Holliday, and his boss says it’s time for Doc to pay for his crimes. Meanwhile, a very Hollywood Western soundtrack plays while they speak. Remember when I said the show seemed to be deviating from its Western vibe? Nevermind about that. Also, and no one judge me for this, but we are seven episodes in and I just realized that the two women in black in the new credits scene are the Widows, because they are the Big Bads for the season. Observation fail.

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Cobwebs, cobwebs, cobwebs everywhere. In case you didn’t notice, they’re not from this time.

Back at the Homestead, Jeremy explains that Black Badge had custody of the Widows until Doc accidentally broke them out with his dynamite in the first episode of the season. The Widows had been contained for over a century but hadn’t yet been examined by Black Badge, which is why no one knew beforehand about their venomous breath superpower.

Waverly relays that she was able to translate some of the writing on the seal at last. It said “Let thee rise” in Phoenician. Baddies in Purgatory are always trying to summon one bad thing or another out of the Hellmouth, so that’s not really a surprise. Wynonna, who is eating Cabot Greek yoghurt out of the carton on her stomach like my life dream, is none too excited to see the obstretrician-gynecologist that Doc and Dolls have Shanghaied into the house, nor is the obgyn particularly excited to see her, but the good news is the baby seems to be doing just fine. It has a REALLY strong heartbeat. Wink. The bad news is that the doctor has asked for a blood sample from Wynonna and the father, and Wynonna finally admits to Waverly that Doc might not actually be the 100% slam dunk father. Aaaawkwaard.

Speaking of Doc, he’s just met the definitely not human boy with the hokey Western accent. In 1882, a warrant was filed in Colorado for Doc’s arrest, the boy explains, and he’s here to see that the warrant is carried out. Doc’s explanation that he spent over 100 years years trapped in a well by a witch and thus why he couldn’t be present to defend himself gains him no sympathy from the boy, who sticks a red hot gun barrel against the base of Doc’s neck, proclaiming that Doc has been marked with fire for capture and execution by the boy’s boss. The IRS should really look into hiring this boy…

Back in the house, Waverly is flipping out about how Doc will react to the news that he’s not necessarily the father of Wynonna’s baby, but maybe it’s less about Doc than her own fears about how the dynamics of the Scoobies will change if there’s conflict between Doc and Wynonna. She promises to stand by Wynonna when she tells Doc the news, but when Doc appears, Waverly is out the door in a flash. Doc then proceeds to make Wynonna’s life even harder by vowing to be as hands-on or off a dad as Wynonna wants, and to ensure that Wynonna is happy. This, of course, makes it impossible for Wynonna to tell him he might not be her baby daddy. As he leaves, Waverly tries to talk to him, but he shrugs her off. Waverly assumes Wynonna told him and he’s upset, so as he peels out, she puts in a call to Nicole to come “babysit” Wynonna while she handles Doc for her sister.

Meanwhile, Dolls and Jeremy are “staking out” the Gardiner house. Basically it involves sitting in the obvious, wide open and just staring at Beth Gardiner sweeping the front porch while Jeremy provides comedic relief in the form of awkward and insensitive comments. Jeremy discovers in his pocket a small bit of lace from one of the Widows’ veils, and Dolls decides that analyzing the fabric will somehow enable them to find and track the Widows or something. I don’t know, roll with it.

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So Doc, how does it feel to know you might NOT be the father? Pretend I’m Maury.

 

Waverly follows Doc to Shorty’s, where Doc is preparing his weapons. Waverly, predictably, blabs that Wynonna’s baby might not be his and Doc, who is preparing to fight for his life against these weird holdouts from 1882, snarls it might be the baby is better off not being his and leaves. One crisis at a time.

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