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Wynonna Earp S2. E6: Cat’s Out of the Bag

Previously on “Wynonna Earp,” WYNONNA EARP IS PREGNANT WITH BABY EARP (no pressure, but if she doesn’t kill all the Revenants before she dies that baby Earp is going to get hell of an inheritance), there is a competing fraternal order of meatheads in Purgatory who wear silly leather bird masks and also fight demons but don’t actually help when needed, Waverly is no longer possessed by a Sexy Demon named Mictian, and the black fog ghosts have decided that nerdboy and general creeper Tucker Gardiner is their lord and master.

Episode six, which is a good recovery from the less than stellar episode five, is basically the answer to a single question: how will everyone react to finding out Wynonna is pregnant? How will Wynonna herself react? Answers inside.

We start with that boss guy from Black Badge who killed Tamsin/Eliza in the first episode of the season drawing down on Dolls in an abandoned alley and snarking about it being a pitiful way for a former elite operative to die. He promptly discovers that Dolls isn’t alone, however; he’s accompanied by his partner in bromance, Doc Holiday, and now it’s two Scooby guns against his.

Maturely deciding a public massacre is unnecessary, the three men lower their guns and have a bit of a chat: the Black Badge boss informs them that Black Badge has closed its Ghost River Triangle office (and Black Badge entirely?), meaning that the Scoobies are now on their own and the signed in blood contract is no more. The “Powers That Be,” it seems, don’t want to spend money on a war they assess they’re going to lose. Dolls is shocked. “Government agencies don’t just vanish!”

He protests. Black Badge isn’t a government agency though. Never was, the now-former Black Badge boss replies (*cue spooky mystery conspiracy theories*). Apparently the boss man didn’t really intend to kill Dolls, however, because he gives Dolls a file containing a photo of the black fog ghost, which I feel like he didn’t just happen to have in his coat by coincidence. Now that Black Badge is out of the game, it falls to the Scoobies to be Purgatory’s protectors (apparently he hasn’t heard of The Order, who needs to do better public relations work).

WYNONNA EARP — (Photo by: Michelle Faye/Syfy/Wynonna Earp Season 2) Speaking of the black fog ghosts, one of the two is in a church looking for something. She asks the pastor where “it” is but accidentally kills him before he can respond. Deciding it’s not a total waste, the ghost thing starts eating him. A girl’s gotta eat, after all.

Back on the homestead, Wynonna doesn’t really want to talk about being pregnant with Waverly, who’s toting off the assorted cutlery that made up Mictian’s magpie pile o’ junk lightening attractor from the barn. Wynonna is still processing Luchado having her head blown off, Dolls being “a lizard. Or a tiny super sexy dragon” (LOL), and the fact that how can she be pregnant with demons still running rampant around Purgatory? Also, global warming. She should worry about that as well, although maybe that’s a good thing for ice cold Purgatory.

At the Gardiner house, a possessed Not Mercedes Gardiner is throwing rings on a map like runes. The two black fog ghosts are looking for the location of the second seal, which Bobo Del Rey moved. He died before he told anyone where he moved it, however, and the ghosts have few options regarding who else to ask and even less time to find it. They settle on a demon named Hypnos the Clockmaker, because someone with that name would DEFINITELY know where a secret seal would be. Hypnos, it turns out, is sedated most of the time to keep him asleep. His mansion is protected by warding spells to keep non-human intruders out, but this turns out to be a HUGE security oversight when Tucker Gardiner, wearing a ski mask and toting a shotgun, walks in unimpeded and wakes him up. “The Widows,” as Hypnos calls the black fog ghosts who accompany Tucker, want time. Hypnos is all like, “Shucks, you got me. Okay.”

At the sheriff’s office, a distraught nun describes finding the priest and the Victorian woman in black eating him. Wynonna waaay too quickly deduces that: 1) the commonality between the condo where she last saw the ghost and this church is that both are consecrated ground, 2) the black fog ghost was looking for another seal, and 3) this other seal must still be out there and they’re all screwed if the ghost gets it before they do.

Doc and Dolls show up just then with the picture of the ghost and to relay the news that Black Badge is gone and they’re now all “free agents,” as it were. The two men take a moment to figuratively mark their territory around Wynonna: Dolls wants back in the game, but Doc is calling dibs. Dolls invites Wynonna out to coffee and Wynonna looks super enamored…uh, by the idea, until Waverly is like, “Wynonna, you’re pregnant and resuming a love triangle at this time would make it even more awkward since you haven’t told anyone yet. And also, that baby is coming out with a mustache and a black cowboy hat and you KNOW IT.” And Wynonna is like, “I do what I want.”

Using Math, Jeremy has figured out where the second seal is, but who cares because Waverly and Nicole are making out in Waverly’s bedroom. Nicole is worried that she had sex with Mictian the Tentacle Demon when Waverly was possessed and that The Feelings Waverly shared with her at that time were actually the demon talking, but Waverly assures her that it was always her.

The so-cute-it’s-gross kissing ends, however, before anything gets past G rated and we find Wynonna meeting Dolls for coffee. “Damn,” he says, “I missed you, like, so much.” Shakespeare just rolled in his grave. The Wynonna/Dolls reunion is cut short, however, by the appearance of Not Mercedes, who is acting a little funny and complaining too much about Tucker. Moments later, everyone in the café slumps in their seats, knocked out.

When Wynonna was being knocked out, however, she managed to get Peacemaker into her hands, and it zaps her back to consciousness. However, she quickly notices that something is wrong: although the clock seems to only show 5 minutes having passed, suddenly she’s A LOT more pregnant than she was before, there are bugs in their decaying food, and Dolls’ phone is covered with a fine layer of dust. But most important of these things is that she went from not showing to looking like she has a basketball under her shirt, and hiding that from the rest of the Scoobies for more than about five minutes is going to be impossible.

Wynonna and Dolls, who is not paying attention to Wynonna’s figure, leave the café to discover that the whole town is still asleep, including Waverly and Nicole. Dolls gives them the bad news: although they can wake people, the people quickly fall back asleep; Sleeping Beauty on steroids. Wynonna suggests it will be easy to find the perpetrator of this sleeping spell because if everyone else is asleep, the perpetrator will be the only one awake. Obviously. Nicole suggests they raid the evidence lockers at the sheriff’s department for amphetamines that will keep them awake (so much for chain of evidence) and they head out, presumably also to find Doc, who they haven’t mentioned yet.

After everyone leaves the house, Wynonna takes a minute to grapple with the fact that she went from about one month pregnant to suddenly what looks like eight months, and her tactic of trying to ignore being pregnant and avoiding the issue suddenly isn’t an option. Nicole, circling back to get her gloves, sees her and awkwards about it a little, but that’s one Scooby who now knows.

At casa Hypnos, the demon protests he’s not strong enough to keep the town asleep much longer. Tucker, a class A self-centered whiner, complains the town has been asleep for weeks and it’s boring. Plus he wants Waverly, who was promised to him. Not Mercedes wants more time because they haven’t found the seal yet. Tucker tries to tell her that he found the Stone Witch in the salt flats, but the other ghost possessing Beth Gardiner cuts in to inform them someone is awake. Hypnos tells them it’s the Earp Heir, and he can’t put her to sleep because she’s too strong. Hypnos further tells the two ghosts that they’re toast because Wynonna is totally going to crush them, but Not Mercedes is like, “Bring it.”

At the sheriff’s office, Dolls gives Wynonna and Waverly adrenaline shots to use. Because the sheriff’s office happens to have two pre-loaded syringes of adrenaline that were seized in a prior drug raid? Dolls also magically knows that victims of the sleeping spell who stay under too long will never wake up, so they have the added stress of a deadline. Sort of.

Wynonna sends Waverly off to wake Doc and sends Dolls look for Jeremy if he’s in the building, leaving her alone when the Widows show up. They throw Wynonna over a desk, steal Jeremy’s research on the location of the second seal, and disappear. How did they know Jeremy had found it? Is there like a Purgatory-All chatroom where important information like the consequences of the sleeping spell and the location of documents about the second seal are posted? Why hasn’t Wynonna joined the chat?

Waverly finds Doc naked and asleep with his face literally between Rosie’s legs. Awkward. Waverly is all judgey, but Doc says it’s a casual, new thing with Rosie and he’s been clear with everyone that he’s not the “settling down” type. He’s also older than the state of Colorado. Fun fact! Together, Waverly and Doc find Jeremy in the basement of Shorty’s because of course the seal is there. They open what looks like a boiler and find…yes! Another Legends of the Hidden Temple seal!

Back at BBHQ, Dolls finds a defeated Wynonna, who tells him the Widows left already. He can’t help but notice, however, that Wynonna is more than a little pregnant. Okay, a lot pregnant. “Would you believe I ate a buttload of corndogs?” Wynonna asks despondently. Dolls tries to process Wynonna being pregnant while Wynonna argues that being pregnant doesn’t affect her ability to send demons back to hell. She says nothing has changed, but Dolls disagrees. Everything has changed. And he doesn’t just mean her ability to do forward rolls.

Wynonna, Dolls, and Nicole burst into Hypnos’ mansion and Wynonna is ready to kill Hypnos to wake everyone in Purgatory up (question: why didn’t they at least wake Sheriff Nedley?), but he warns her the opposite would happen: if he dies, the people under his spell will never wake, themselves included. Hypnos offers a deal: he’ll lift the spell if they get his daughter Poppy back for him from Tucker. Wynonna tries pumping Hypnos for information about the Widows, but he only knows they are looking for the second and third seals. Whatever bad thing that they want to happen can only happen if all three seals are broken, however, so there’s some good news.

  Wynonna warns Waverly about the Widows just as they appear in the basement at Shorty’s, but to no avail. Instead, the Widows put Waverly, Doc, and Jeremy to sleep with their freezing breath. Wynonna tasks Nicole and Dolls to go find Tucker while she goes to rescue Waverly. Conveniently, Nicole has been illegally tracking Tucker’s phone for weeks, so she happens to be able to track him in real time as he appears to be headed to the Earp homestead. Dolls and Wynonna kiss and I’m suddenly Team Wynonna/Dolls when I thought I was exclusively Wynonna/Doc. Dolls tries to figuratively back up, however, and reinforce the professional boss/subordinate aspect of their relationship.

At the Earp Homestead, Tucker is creepily having Poppy pretend to be Waverly when Dolls and Nicole arrive. Nicole shoots Tucker in the shoulder after Poppy slips out of being his human shied/hostage, but he jumps out of the window before Nicole can do anything else. I hope she gets to be the one to eventually kill him with some cheesy line like, “That will keep you away from my girlfriend, you perv.” Wynonna, meanwhile, arrives at Shorty’s too late. The Widows have broken the second seal. They hastily flow out of the room, and rather than pursuing them, Wynonna stops to help Waverly and Doc. Wynonna takes the opportunity to reveal to Doc that she’s massively pregnant, but in reaction Doc runs from it. (Nevermind, I’m no longer Team Wynonna/Doc. Jerk.)

Back at Casa de Hypnos, Hypnos explains that although it seemed like a month passed, in reality no time at all passed. Wynonna, pointing to her stomach, protests that clearly time passed, but Hypnos shrugs. “Whatever, Earp weirdo. I can’t help if your spawn defies time like a Time Lord.” He asks to be put back into dormancy, where he’ll do no damage, but Dolls shoots him instead. He’s too powerful a demon to be allowed to live, Dolls reminds Wynonna. Wynonna shoots Hypnos with Peacemaker, but grouches to Dolls that he shouldn’t be so…professionally cold. Clearly she’s not just referring to Hypnos. Now it feels like both Doc and Dolls have abandoned her and Wynonna is le sad.

At BBHQ, Doc and Dolls both want to talk to Wynonna, but she’s (rightfully) having none of it. If you blow your first shot at reacting to news of a pregnancy and how you fit into the new paradigm, you have to wait a while to try again. Waverly heads the two men off and explains that Wynonna will deal with things in her own time, in her own way. Doc passes a note to Waverly for Wynonna “when she’s ready.”

At the Gardiner house, the doorbell rings. No one is there, but a face is sitting on the doorstep. Literally, a face that was carved off someone’s head. Specifically, the face belonged to, in the past tense, Constance Clootie, better known as the Stone Witch. Tucker has gone off the rails and it turns out that he’s exactly the creepy sadistic sociopath that the Widows knew he was. But less controllable than they thought he would be.

At the Homestead, Wynonna is feeling down and can’t even drown her sorrows in whiskey. She hates the lack of agency life has given her: she didn’t choose to be the Earp Heir, she darn well didn’t choose to be pregnant, and she didn’t even get to choose when to tell people she was pregnant. She was on two different forms of birth control and she still got pregnant, so “fate,” or “destiny” or whatever it is has a sick sense of humor about continuing the Earp line. Sympathetic and understanding, Waverly chooses this moment to pass Doc’s note, which reads simply, “I am all in.” Wynonna/Doc/Dolls for a modern polyamorous couple raising a child, anyone?

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