If you are a fan of Pretty Little Liars — and of course you are, because you are awesome — you know that today is finally A-Day! Yes, tonight, after two full seasons of torturing our lovely Liars in every conceivable way, the identity of “A” will be revealed. With the help of The Linster, I’ve handicapped the top contenders for the omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient Risen Mitten we all love to hate.
Melissa Hastings [Odds 10:1] — We’ve been giving Melissa the side-eye long before Ian tried to push Spencer off that bell tower, talking about, “It’s what Melissa would want!” But now she’s confessed to bullying Alison. Plus she lives near Smitty’s, the news stand where “A” got her burner phones and Jenna went to eyeball rehab. And she had access to the Hastings lake house, where the photos of those horrible dolls were taken. Also, everyone in her family is pretty convinced she murdered Alison.
Mona Vanderwaal [Odds 5:1]— Mona has proven herself adept at all the things “A” is also good at: hacking, extorting, puppeteering, racketing, rioting, eavesdropping, etc. She also seems to have unlimited financial resources and a serious reason to hold a grudge against the Liars. Also there’s the fact that she’s been trying unsuccessfully to get into Hanna’s pants/make a skin suit out of Hanna’s skin for the past, like, decade. She’s sexually frustrated, is what I am saying.
Noel Kahn [Odds 20:1] — He DJs satanic fashion shows. He’s also a sexual harasser of step-sisters and blackmailer of Ezbians. And, if you’ll recall, he played that guitar the time Aria made us feel so damn awkward with her singing. He hasn’t been around much this season, save for some heavy petting in the hallway with Jenna, but his Joker-y smile is burned into our retinas. We don’t trust him, Precious.
Jenna Marshall [Odds 15:1] — No one hated Alison and the Liars more than Jenna Marshall. First, they busted up her incest high jinks. Then they blinded her. EXCEPT SHE’S TOTALLY NOT BLIND. Jenna makes Machiavelli look like an amateur. And there’s a really good chance she’s actually been WATCHING the Liars squirm all this time.
Maya St. Germain [Odds 30:1] — Maya was our first “A” suspect, what with moving into Ali’s house and having access to all of her stuff in the very first episode. She recently mentioned finding a new box of Ali’s secrets before “running away” to “San Francisco.” We really believe Maya is/was in love with Emily and would never poison her — but then, we’ve dated a lot of lesbians and we know how batshit insane they can get when you least expect it.
Paige McCullers[Odds 100:1] — Back when she had those severe bangs — or “Lego Man Hair,” as @Mustangelita called it — we couldn’t help but suspect her. It was that, even more than the part where she tried to drown Emily that gave us pause. Now that she’s grown out her serial killer hair, we’re feeling more gracious. But still. She’s a suspect.
Ezra Fitz [Odds 1,000,000,000,000:1] — All the feelings journals in all the world couldn’t contain the emotions of Ezra Fitz if he hit Hanna Marin with a car. The only strike against his gorgeous face is that fact that “A” never seriously went after Aria.
Mike Montgomery [Odds 100:1] — We got a giggle from the way he stole from the Blind Girl Craft Fair and bowled over his own sister when he was breaking free from Spencer’s house that night, but it wasn’t so funny when he hurt Ella. We tend to think he was just struggling with depression and the horror of having Byron Montgomery as a father. But we can’t count him out. Again: It could explain why Aria has been pretty safe this whole time.
Jason DiLaurentis [Odds 10:1] — By his own admission, he blacked out the night Ali died. Plus everyone keeps remembering the way her tried to clobber her ’round the ears with hockey sticks and things. He’s a much better sibling to Spencer than Melissa, that’s for sure. But we can’t forget the way he used his laser vision to take those photos of the inside of Aria’s ear, which he planned to “frame” and “give to her” as a “gift.”
Alison DiLaurentis [Odds 2:1] — Is she, as Emily suspects, just holding their brains hostage, or is she actually still alive? She’s made out with Emily, visited Hanna in the hospital, and nicked some of Spencer’s pain pills in the middle of the night. And God knows that girl had enough trinkets stashed away to make ten billion horcruxes.
Who do you think “A” is?
No spoilers in the comments, please!