The 2012 Grammys: The winners, the weirdos and the WTFs

There is much to discuss about last night’s Grammy Awards, but before I start a
lot of trash talk, I want to honor the music legend that was Whitney Houston.

I was out for
dinner when I got a text with the news and spent the remainder of the
night into the early hours trying to find a way to process it. Even
typing this out now seems like it shouldn’t be happening. Her talent
was immeasurable and it is apparent in the words of her close friends
that she was someone who brought light and love into many lives. Many
of you probably have specific memories with certain songs. I don’t have
a specific memory but hearing just her name reminds me of almost two
decades of change in my life and in hers.

I can’t speculate as to what
happened but I know that I feel guilty, just like I did when Amy Winehouse passed. Guilty for
enjoying some of the spectacle when they were at their lowest lows and
crying out for help even while resisting it. This reminds me of the
very end of Truman Capote‘s
interview/short story, “A Beautiful Child,” with his friend Marilyn Monroe. There’s a
helplessness to situations like this that I guess is even making hard
for me to write about right now.

So, thank Whitney for the years of
great music, for the great ’80s music videos and for giving the U.S. at
least one Star Spangled Banner we can brag about.

Moving right along.

So, WTF was that? I can’t be alone in thinking the Grammys seemed to have more
highs and lows than an episode of Intervention
I recognize the fact that the show had to go on and there was no way to
change the entire program in a short amount of time, but in what universe does it make
sense to follow a video memorializing those who have passed this year
with a rave led by a guy who can’t understand why people are still
upset about how he beat his girlfriend in the back of a limo on their
way to The Grammys a few years ago? People can say it’s a private
matter as much as they want to, but how private is it when we all know
about it? When do we finally say, “Hey, the emperor isn’t wearing any
clothes and oh, hey, he also has anger issues and that isn’t
OK?” It’s a disgrace and, really,  anyone arguing that his
performance was all that good should then also
argue that the Grammys aren’t about music. His performance was like a
man-boy sized live-action version
of Q-bert — and lip synced.

Chris Brown


Speaking of the “In Memorium” crapola, the throwaway mention of Soul Train‘s Don Cornelius didn’t make up for the omission of punk pioneer Poly Styrene
and soul legend Etta James.
And while Whitney was certainly in the air last night and I’m not sure
how Jennifer Hudson
was even able to manage catching her breath while paying tribute, there
had to be some way to put something together with more substance.
Something that lasted longer than an acceptance speech.

Jennifer Hudson


There was a lot of good to go with the bad, mostly thanks to the
faithful followers who kept me company even when Chris Brown performed for the second, incredibly unnecessary, time. The rest of the thanks belongs to Adele
for not only giving a stellar
performance, but also for being so sweet, gracious and real. The
response to Adele’s performance from all over the music world gives me
faith that people really are listening and they can spot the real from
the fake when given the opportunity.

Adele






Some highlights of the night included:

Kelly
Clarkson
‘s duet with Jason
Aldean
. Whenever Kelly Clarkson sings,
a lesbian angel gets her wings.

Kelly Clarkson

Bruno Mars gave an exciting James Brown-esque performance early
on in the show. Unfortunately, the energy he brought to the Grammy
stage didn’t last very long. Since he didn’t take home an award last
night, I’d like to give him the runner-up prize of taking Justin Bieber‘s spot for trendy
lesbian fashion icon. My hair already does whatever he’s got going on
naturally, I just need to find clothes like his made for small children.

Bruno Mars

Alicia Keys and Bonnie Raitt performed what I
thought was a really lovely tribute duet to Etta James.

I’m happy to say more people know about the loveliness that is The Civil Wars after their
charming bit as presenters and the short amount of music they were able
to play for us.

Paul McCartney was cute and all
but, in my opinion, Glen Campbell‘s
“Rhinestone Cowboy” performance outshined Bruce Springsteen, The Beach Boys and Sir Paul combined.

Glenn Campbell

The obvious winner of the entire night was our girl Adele, who not only
made a clean sweep of all the major awards and each category she was
named in, but who also gave a triumphant live performance and showed
the world what standing ovation-worthy music sounds like.

Adele

The big “WTF am I watching?” moment
came, rather unexpectedly, from Nicki
Minaj
. I’m not a big fan of horror movies so the second she went
all Trainspotting baby
crawling on the ceiling on us, I tried to avert my eyes from the
craziness on my screen. I feel as though reactions can be best summed
up here, here, here and here.

Nicki Minaj

Apparently someone was passing the wacky tobaccy backstage and we’ve got it on good
authority that it was Diplo.
Reports that Lil Wayne was
arrested on gun charges have since been retracted, so put that in your pipe and smoke it,
right Diplo? And according to Billboard.com,
super-producer/songwriter Ryan Tedder
is hoping to work with Lana Del Rey
and Azealia Banks sometime in
the near future and was quoted as saying, “I’ve been canceling a lot of
more expected writing sessions to do stuff that just freaks me out that
I think’s cool. Azealia Banks scares me. Lana Del Rey scares me a little bit. Not in a bad way.” I say, “Yes please!”

Full List of
Grammy Winners:

Album of the Year – Adele, 21
Record of the Year – Adele,
“Rolling in the Deep”
Song of the Year – Adele,
“Rolling in the Deep”
Best New Artist – Bon Iver
Best Pop Solo Performance
Adele, “Someone Like You”
Best Pop Duo/Group Performance
– Tony Bennett & Amy Winehouse, “Body and Soul”
Best Pop Instrumental Album
Booker T. Jones, The Road From Memphis
Best Pop Vocal Album – Adele, 21
Best Dance Recording
Skrillex, “Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites”
Best Dance/Electronica Album
Skrillex, Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites
Best Traditional Pop Vocal Album
– Tony Bennett & Various Artists, Duets II
Best Rock Performance – Foo
Fighters, “Walk”
Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance
– Foo Fighters, “White Limo”
Best Rock Song – Foo Fighters,
“Walk”
Best Rock Album – Foo Fighters,
Wasting Light
Best Alternative Music Album
Bon Iver, Bon Iver
Best R&B Performance
Corinne Bailey Rae, “In This Love”
Best Traditional R&B Performance
– Cee Lo Green & Melanie
Fiona, “Fool For You”
Best R&B Song – “Fool For
You” (Performed by Cee Lo Green &
Melanie Fiona)
Best R&B Album – Chris
Brown, F.A.M.E.
Best Rap Performance – Kanye
West & Jay-Z, “Otis”
Best Rap/Sung Collaboration
Kanye West, Rihanna, Kid Cudi &
Fergie, “All Of The Lights”
Best Rap Song – “All Of The
Lights” (Performed by Kanye West, Rihanna,
Kid Cudi & Fergie)
Best Rap Album – Kanye West, My
Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

Best Country Solo Performance
Taylor Swift, “Mean”
Best Country Duo/Group Performance
– The Civil Wars, “Barton Hollow”
Best Country Song – Taylor
Swift, “Mean”
Best Country Album – Lady
Antebellum, Own The Night
Best Spoken Word Album – Betty
White, If You Ask Me (And Of Course You
Won’t)

Best Comedy Album – Louis C.K.,
Hilarious
Best Musical Theater Album
The Book of Mormon
Best Compilation Soundtrack for Visual
Media
Boardwalk Empire: Volume
1

Best Score Soundtrack for Visual Media
– Alexandre Desplat, The King’s
Speech

Best Song Written For Visual Media
– Tangled, “I See The Light”
Best Historical Album – Paul
McCartney, Band On The Run
Best Short Form Music Video
Adele, “Rolling in the Deep”
Best Long Form Music Video
Foo Fighters, Foo Fighters: Back And Forth

Grammy Twit-Pics

Me & my BEAUTIFUL babe @Rihanna at @TheGrammys FLAWLESS! ... on Twitpic

W/ Fergie and her mom! Wow her dress. She's so beautiful! on Twitpic

Weird Al captioned this one, “Can’t believe I just met
Skrillex!” Hysterical.

Can’t believe I just met Skrillex! on Twitpic

Best of #RollinInTheTweet































Once again, thank you to everyone who participated in our Twitter
party! This tweet, for me, really ended the night perfectly.

What were some of your favorite moments of the night? What were
some of your least favorite
moments of the night? And of course, what did you think about the
fashion?

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