Gay Girl’s Goggles: “Once Upon a Time” SnapCap (1.12) — Tale as old as time

I know it’s uncool to be a feminist who loves Disney movies, but dammit, I love me some Disney movies. My favorite, of course, is Beauty and the Beast because Belle is a plucky, independent heroine with the brownest eyes and the biggest vocabulary. Also: Has there ever been a more romantic gesture than when Beast gave her that enormous library? (Answer: No.) So imagine my fear when Once Upon a Time wrapped its hands around my beloved tale and brought in crazy Claire from Lost to play Belle. It worked in some silly ways — Chip! — and missed in some groany ways — “a certain mermaid” — but “Skin Deep” had some good reveals and a girl’s night out even Jane Espenson agrees there’s something going on with Regina and Emma.

AFTERELLEN BAIT

How long have I been begging the women of this show to interact with one another? Forever? It seems like forever. Well, this week we see Mary Margaret, Ruby, and Ashley (Cinderella) (Ashleyrella?) teaming up for a night on the town. Hurrah! Well, except for the part where they’re basically just trying to distract themselves from their man troubles, but their man troubles follow them into the bar. Ruby wanders off 15 seconds into the scene (to go where?!) and then Ashleyrella’s boyfriend shows up to propose and David shows up to give Mary Margaret a Valentine’s Day card. Only he accidentally gives her the card he’d bought for his wife. Whoops!

I kind of wish they’d made Prince Charming a full-on cad like he is in Fables. At this point, I can’t figure out what Mary Margaret sees in his Storybrooke self.

FEELINGS, FEELINGS, FEELINGS

Finally, we get some intense interaction with Mr. Gold and Regina, which made me feel wildly excited. After assaulting the guy who broke the cup that stored his affection for Belle, Mr. Gold just bound and gagged him and beat the hell out of him with his cane. Good thing Officer Swan was on the case. While he’s in the holding cell, Regina confronts him and asks him what his name was in the other world. So he knows who he is and she knows who she is! Team up, you guys! Be sinister together!

BREADCRUMB TRAIL

While the meet-cute between Belle and Rumpel was pretty weak (she’s a spoiled princess and he’s a cursed … guy and when they stumble into one another, it’s true Stockholm Syndrome love), I did like the revelation that Gold was actually a guy that was capable of love in Fairyville. And I especially loved the fact that Regina has Belle tucked away in some kind of enchanted asylum in the real world. It always seems like Gold has the upper-hand on Regina, but now we know she’s got the ultimate trump card.

I AM THE SWAN QUEEN

How gay is the gay happy family of Regina, Emma, and their precocious young son Henry? So, so, so gay.

If True Love’s Kiss breaks any curse, I guess the only answer for Storybrooke is for Emma to just lay one one Regina.

What did you think about “Skin Deep”?

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