“Grey’s Anatomy” SnapCap (8.13): “If/Then”

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In this week’s “If/Then” episode, Meredith imagines the lives of the entire cast if events had turned out differently. Which means everyone has swapped partners and there is a lot of tension at Seattle Grace Hospital.

What’s the purpose of this episode? Have the GA writers run out of ideas? Here’s a breakdown of the characters’ alternative lives:

Meredith is engaged to an Urkel version of Alex while Derek “McDreary” is unhappily married to a pregnant Addison. Meredith’s mother is still alive, she’s married to Richard and she’s the ball-busting chief of surgery. Callie is married to Owen and has three children, Bailey is a shy fumbling surgeon with braids, Cristina is even more aggressive than usual and Lexie is a druggie. I’m so glad this world doesn’t really exist.

AfterEllen Bait

The main reason a lady-lover should be intrigued by this episode is that Callie looks absolutely stunning. Callie’s red lips and luxurious hair resemble those of Gwyneth Paltrow’s character in the adventure film Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow.

When Cristina enters the screen for the first time, rock music starts to blast and the monster-diva is sporting Lea Michele-esque bangs. That’s how Cristina should always enter a scene. Minus the bangs.

Feelings, Feelings & Feelings!

Since nothing is as it should be, there is a lot of personal turmoil for the Seattle Grace staff. Derek is miserable and acts like a jerk to Meredith and, well, everyone else. Arizona fights with Callie over a young patient’s care. But through their power struggle we witness a spark develop between the two. Callie is obviously repressing her feelings for Arizona and even grills Bailey when she sees Arizona eating lunch with another woman. (Callie, you can’t be jealous when you’re married to someone else!)

April is now Meredith’s “person,” so she’s the one Meredith shows off her engagement ring to while Meredith and Cristina fight over cardio surgeries. In fact, per Ellis Grey’s insistence, Meredith, Cristina and Callie are all in the cardio field. Ellis is one influential broad!

Owen is suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder and only Cristina and her bangs can calm him down.

Whores & Gore

Even in an alternative universe this group of people is still a bunch of horny bastards. Ellis pushes Meredith to take over Cristina’s surgery. Since Callie is in charge, she decides that Meredith and Cristina should share the surgery. A pissed off Cristina doesn’t want to share her toys so she goes to complain to Alex and busts in on him cheating with April. (Oh snap!)

Speaking of bad relationships, the Shepherds are fighting non-stop.

Addison: Do you love me? Do You?
Derek: (Long pause) Of course I do.
Addison: Can you say it without looking at the floor?

Addison reveals that the baby isn’t Derek’s, it’s Mark’s. (Ouch!)

An excited Arizona hugs Callie and tells her she “loves” her after their patient’s lungs make a miraculous recovery. Callie lingers on the word “love” and starts looking at Arizona in a whole other light. And it’s really adorable to watch.

Medical Mishaps

Lexie arrives at the hospital as a facial pierced and tattooed patient who has overdosed on cocaine. After she is revived, Lexie explains to an enchanted Avery that her sister works at Seattle Grace but she’s never met her before. Avery must be hypnotized by Lexie’s dreadlocks because she makes away with his security badge, steals a bunch of medicine and escapes the hospital. Don’t worry, Mark finds Lexie passed out in the street and carries her back to the hospital.

Ellis stomps all over Bailey and steals her surgery away from her. When Ellis’s surgery goes wrong she blames Bailey and makes Richard fire her. Bailey carries her box of personal items to the elevator and finds a crying Alex.

Bailey snaps back to her old real-reality self, “I just lost my job. Do you see me hiding in an elevator whimpering about it? No! Because what do we say, Alex? What do we say? We create our own destiny. Well that’s exactly what I’m going to do. You should, too.”

In the end, Cristina and Meredith team up to save Lexie’s life and then celebrate with drinks at Joe’s Bar. Cristina heads home and Meredith is left drinking with McDreary. Their chemistry is undeniable and as they start ordering shots, we know they are going home together.

Tegan and Sara’s song “You Wouldn’t Like Me” plays as the show ends and, yes, I agree with the Quin sisters. I wouldn’t like this alternative cast if I met them. But I do love the original cast.

What did you think of this episode? Didn’t Callie look amazing?

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