Previously on Rizzoli & Isles, Dr. Maura Isles told Detective Jane Rizzoli “I love you” over a romantic dinner of grilled cheese and rancid wine. This week, we open with Maura coming out of Jane’s closet. Can I just commend the writers here for their courageous stance on having these two speaking the love that dare not speak its name and coming out as lovers who love ladies? This is really historic. I’m reserving them a space on the police department float in this year’s Boston Gay Pride Parade. Brava, this show. Brava.
Um, wait? No? She was just looking for a dress for Jane’s high school reunion in the closet? She hasn’t come out? Are you sure? Are you really, really sure? Because do you see what Jane’s wearing? A casually open robe and exposed bra? In that way that’s sexy, but not like she’s trying too hard. That’s what I always wear when my totally platonic best friend comes over in her slinkiest, form-fittingest, vavavoomiest dress to casually telegraph: You. Me. Bed. IMMEDIATELY. (p.s. Don’t worry, more on Dat Dress later.)
Actually, the “What should I wear? How does this look?”- foreplay is one of my favorite forms of foreplay because while in concept the idea is to get dressed, in reality the goal is to get undressed. To wit, Jane tells Maura she wants to look, “Fun, but not slutty.” Because she’s saving the slutty look for some extra special personal fun time with Maura later. Duh.
While Maura handles Jane’s athletic-looking underthings, Jane complains about going to her reunion. But really, it’s that pretend complaining people do when they mean the opposite. She has no husband, no kids, no South End brownstone. And, indeed, all these things are true. But she has a Dr. Maura Isles. And, well, there is no more impressive arm candy than that on this planet.
Jane’s beard Skypes in to say he can’t make the reunion because blah blah blah secret mission blah. Never have I been so happy about covert military operations in my life. Support our troops, people – especially when they’re overseas. Jane acts all fake sad about Casey, a.k.a. Lt. Col. Beard Force, canceling on her. But, really, it’s finally her chance to go public with Maura. I know that coming out of the closet earlier was a false alarm, but this is their chance. This is their moment.
Maura agrees and says she’ll be Jane’s designated date driver for the night. So much coded language, ladies. Come on, it’s 2011. No one cares except Michele Bachmann and her “husband.” Maura says she wants to help Jane to stick it to her high school nemeses. No, not in that way. I swear you guys are so dirty today. Instead, she wants her successful detective lady friend to show all the mean girls from her past – particularly Debbie, Emily and Kate – that looking good and having the hottest LLBFF in the universe is the best revenge.
Jane accuses Maura of only wanting to go all “Jane Goodall” while observing the co-ed high school experience because she had to go to an all-girls’ school. Of course Maura went to an all-girls’ school, of course. And then Jane says she isn’t going and if she isn’t going Maura isn’t going.