“America’s Next Top Model: All-Stars” recap: Goddess and the shes


I cannot believe the day is finally here and we can escape from this atrocious cycle of America’s Next Top Model: All Stars. The final three are about as different as can be and at this point I’m really not sure who will win or who I ultimately even want to win. Allison
is obviously my favorite model thanks to her ability to take great
pictures in almost every situation and her personality not making me
want to punch her in the face. I might not want Allison to win though
because I would worry it would hold her back from being a bigger, more
successful model. Lisa
still gets on my nerves when she trash talks or makes things
uncomfortable. But I’ve got to hand it to her — she’s been taking great
pictures this season, has stepped up to the plate on every challenge
and would fit in well on the set of my least favorite show of all time:

We all know how I feel
about Angelea
and the fact that she’s made it this far with her crappy attitude and
even worse performance just proves how much of a sham this season was
from the get-go. For once I wish she would realize that she wasn’t an
underdog because of where she came from, but because of how she
represented herself. There’s no polishing that turd.

Speaking of turds, I really hope we don’t have to watch Tyra sucking on Tyson Beckford’s thumb again.

The remaining girls are so excited about being in the top three, Angelea and Lisa forget how much they hate each other.

Was I asleep when Lisa told us about being physically and emotionally
abused as a child? She says that if she wins, this will not only boost
her music career but it will also be a great platform to tell people
about her charity. Good for her! She says she now thinks Angelea is her
biggest competition because it’s obvious she wants it really badly.
Well, that and it’s obvious that Tyra wants her there for some reason.

When TYRAmail comes, Angelea has a really smart moment and is able to
figure out the three lines of Greek mean, “Easy. Breezy. Beautiful.”
It’s time for the classic Cover Girl
commercial in a foreign language challenge!

The following day, the remaining three meet up with Jay Manuel
at a gorgeous outdoor restaurant patio. They’ll be photographed by the
same guy that turned them into salad toppers for a print campaign. They
also need to memorize as much of their lines as possible for the
commercial shoot.

Now that we’re at the very end of the cycle, Angelea will admit that
Lisa has the qualities of an All Star and is her biggest competition.
Lisa sits for her print ads and impresses everyone, including me, with
the way she’s able to take direction and immediately turn it into great

Lisa’s commercial shoot close-up on the eyes actually convinced me that
it might be fun to try eyeshadow. Can any of my gays out there give me
some tips? Because this lez only knows how to use an eyeliner pencil.

When it came down to the speaking parts of the commercial, things got a
little awkward, but she pulled it off in the end.

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