“America’s Next Top Model: All-Stars” recap: Goddess and the shes

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I cannot believe the day is finally here and we can escape from this atrocious cycle of America’s Next Top Model: All Stars. The final three are about as different as can be and at this point I’m really not sure who will win or who I ultimately even want to win. Allison

is obviously my favorite model thanks to her ability to take great

pictures in almost every situation and her personality not making me

want to punch her in the face. I might not want Allison to win though

because I would worry it would hold her back from being a bigger, more

successful model. Lisa

still gets on my nerves when she trash talks or makes things

uncomfortable. But I’ve got to hand it to her — she’s been taking great

pictures this season, has stepped up to the plate on every challenge

and would fit in well on the set of my least favorite show of all time:

Extra.

We all know how I feel

about Angelea

and the fact that she’s made it this far with her crappy attitude and

even worse performance just proves how much of a sham this season was

from the get-go. For once I wish she would realize that she wasn’t an

underdog because of where she came from, but because of how she

represented herself. There’s no polishing that turd.

Speaking of turds, I really hope we don’t have to watch Tyra sucking on Tyson Beckford’s thumb again.

The remaining girls are so excited about being in the top three, Angelea and Lisa forget how much they hate each other.

Was I asleep when Lisa told us about being physically and emotionally

abused as a child? She says that if she wins, this will not only boost

her music career but it will also be a great platform to tell people

about her charity. Good for her! She says she now thinks Angelea is her

biggest competition because it’s obvious she wants it really badly.

Well, that and it’s obvious that Tyra wants her there for some reason.

When TYRAmail comes, Angelea has a really smart moment and is able to

figure out the three lines of Greek mean, “Easy. Breezy. Beautiful.”

It’s time for the classic Cover Girl

commercial in a foreign language challenge!

The following day, the remaining three meet up with Jay Manuel

at a gorgeous outdoor restaurant patio. They’ll be photographed by the

same guy that turned them into salad toppers for a print campaign. They

also need to memorize as much of their lines as possible for the

commercial shoot.

Now that we’re at the very end of the cycle, Angelea will admit that

Lisa has the qualities of an All Star and is her biggest competition.

Lisa sits for her print ads and impresses everyone, including me, with

the way she’s able to take direction and immediately turn it into great

pictures.

Lisa’s commercial shoot close-up on the eyes actually convinced me that

it might be fun to try eyeshadow. Can any of my gays out there give me

some tips? Because this lez only knows how to use an eyeliner pencil.

When it came down to the speaking parts of the commercial, things got a

little awkward, but she pulled it off in the end.

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