You know how I’ve been bitching about that damn horse since this show started? I take it all back. I miss that little fuzzy brown bastard. But alas, our two broke girls finally got a tiny bit real when it comes to the giant horse-shaped elephant in the Brooklyn apartment. And so Max and Caroline go in search of a good home for the distinguished former show horse after the first snow makes it clear he can’t live in their tiny backyard anymore. Come back, Chestnut, come back.
Two girls and a horse walk into a – wait, I had a dream that started like this but I don’t think I can tell you the rest on an all-ages site. But, seriously, anytime Max and Caroline put on fur coats and vamp around I want to pop some popcorn and then call a friend to come over to give me the Heimlich maneuver for when I inevitably choke on it from the hilarity that ensues. Also, don’t worry PETA people, I’m pretty sure those furs are fake.
FEELINGS, FEELINGS, FEELINGS!
Max’s secret soft spot is revealed. No, not the one Caroline discovered while they were “sleeping” together in the vagina bed late one night. Ahem. I mean the one Caroline found while they were sitting together on the vagina bed and she searched Max’s browser history and it was all, “Kitten plays the keyboard,” “Kitten folds a T-shirt,” “Kitten rings the doorbell.” Awww, Max loves cute kittens and adorable animals and touching warm fuzzy things. No, hold on, now I’m talking about what happened late one night in the vagina bed again. Kidding. A little. But come on, how cute was Max’s little parting scene with Chestnut? No one can argue that that wasn’t a straight-up lovely thing.
Each time those girls climb into the vagina bed together, they inch that much closer to going full brokeback. And this week, not only did they spend quality time together in the sack, they said super gay things to each other as always. Like Max telling Caroline, “If you want to fake it again you have to buy me dinner and call me pretty” and “You just sat on my face. Like I haven’t done enough for you.” Ladies, ladies, just because the horse is gone I certainly hope you two won’t stop acting like those two gay cowboys.
In life only three things are inescapable: death, taxes and the hipster jokes on 2 Broke Girls. Tonight’s extended riff on the hipster hate was one of the more amusing ones, culminating with the first joke of the night that make me laugh out loud.
From your mouth to my Twitter feed, honey.
Other gems from the evening were Caroline getting her rich on, Peach’s bitchy bestie adopting a three-legged Corgi named Mr. Pickle and pretty much anything to do with that kitty ringing the doorbell. Also, I can’t be the only one who totally went on YouTube to see if there really are kittens ringing doorbells, right? (Answer: There are. There really are.)
So, what did you think? Sad to see Chestnut go? Happy to know Max trolls the internet for cute kitten videos just like the rest of us? Also, if you post that picture of me crying at Max’s goodbye scene on Instagram, I will kill you.