“Glee” Episode 305 Recap: “Make of Our Hearts, One Heart”

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A pre-recap disclaimer: I loved “The First Time.”

I thought it was stunningly shot, as well as brilliantly written and acted. I

thought the editing was genius, and its message was affirming of all the big,

messy, crazy, gorgeous, sexy, confusing beautifulness of being young and on the

brink of your future.

If you hated it, if you were coming here hoping for a lot of

snark, this is not the recap you are looking for. I will try to be more cynical

next week. I promise.

Also: If first love really could be like this, I’d happily

climb into that time machine Blaines building and go back and be young

again.

We open with Artie

rolling down the hallway, thinking it doesn’t matter if you’re “in prison

like Gandhi, or stuck inside a woman’s body like Chaz Bono, or in a wheelchair like me,” when you find your

calling, all is right in the world. He still loves performing, but he’s finally

found what he’s meant to do: boss everyone around, i.e., directing.

It turns out he’s going to be directing two of his actors to

lose their virginity. He’s watching Rachel

and Blaine rehearsing West Side Story,

singing “Tonight.” It’s very delicate and lovely. Co-directors Coach Beiste and Emma react with applause and tears, but Artie has a concern: Not

enough passion. Turns out he’s the only one of the five who isn’t a virgin.

(It’s Glee. Believe.)

He says the song – the entire musical – is about sexual

awakening. They lack passion. He says, “I remember the first time with Brittany,

how it made me feel like a man – even though she called me the wrong name like

four times during. And after. What was it like for you guys?”

Blaine and Rachel shift from foot to foot and do their best

impressions of deer caught in headlights, and finally Blaine says, “I’m waiting for the right

time.”

A relieved Rachel says, “Yeah, me, too,” and then

in an aside to Blaine

adds,”I’m so glad you’re my Tony.” (Hmmmm, Rachel always said she

wasn’t going to lose her virginity until her first Tony.)

Artie shakes his head. “As your friend, I accept your

strange aversion to fun. But as your director I’m concerned…. How do you expect

to convey the human experience to an audience when you’ve haven’t even opened

yourself up to one of humanity’s most basic and primal ones?” I guess

because they’re actors, Artie.

Later, in the halls of McKinley, Finn is still trying to decide who to vote for, but he’s putting up

Rachel posters. “It’s kind of hard to vote against your brother,” he

tells her.

“You can’t do this with your brother,” Rachel

says, and kisses him.

“Not unless you live in Kentucky,” a breathless Finn says when

they’re done.

Finn is also excited about an Ohio State

football recruiter coming, and Rachel says she’s not upset that he wants to go

to OSU: “It’s not like NYADA has a football team.”

Then Finn invites her over to the house while the folks are

away. She says she’ll be there at six. Guess Artie’s direction got to her.

Kurt and Blaine

are in Blaine’s

super-chic bedroom, listening to “Love is a Drug” by Roxy Music. There is a lot of 70s-80s

music tonight; I really don’t know if Ryan

Murphy
was re-capturing his lost youth or what. Blaine says he wants to get in a time machine

and go back to the 70s just so he can give Bryan Ferry a high-five.

Kurt, lounging on Blaine’s

bed, sits up and says, “Do you think I’m boring?”

“Are you crazy? You’re the single most interesting kid

in all of Ohio.”

Or, you know, the entire world.

“I mean, like… sexually. I mean, we are playing it

awfully safe by not granting our hands visas to travel south of the

equator.”

“I thought that’s what we wanted.” (Blaine, by the way, is

still dancing aimlessly around to the music.)

“It is. I’m just wondering… do you ever have the urge

to just rip off each other’s clothes and get dirty?”

“Ah, yeah,” Blaine

says sunnily, “But that’s why they invented masturbation.”

Kurt shifts uncomfortably. “It’s a little hot in this

room. Could we open a window?”

“Hey, I’m serious,” Blaine says, laughing and climbing on the bed

next to Kurt. “We’re young, we’re in high school, yeah, we have urges, but

whatever we do, I want to make sure you’re comfortable, so I can be

comfortable. And besides, tearing off all your clothes is sort of a tall

order.”

Kurt does this whole darling little shrugging, lash-dropping

thing and says, “Because of the layers?”

“Because of the layers,” says Blaine with a grin. Then

he kisses him.

I just love them. I don’t know who wouldn’t, other than

Michelle Bachmann. So sweet.

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