A pre-recap disclaimer: I loved “The First Time.”
I thought it was stunningly shot, as well as brilliantly written and acted. I
thought the editing was genius, and its message was affirming of all the big,
messy, crazy, gorgeous, sexy, confusing beautifulness of being young and on the
brink of your future.
If you hated it, if you were coming here hoping for a lot of
snark, this is not the recap you are looking for. I will try to be more cynical
next week. I promise.
Also: If first love really could be like this, I’d happily
climb into that time machine Blaine‘s building and go back and be young
We open with Artie
rolling down the hallway, thinking it doesn’t matter if you’re “in prison
like Gandhi, or stuck inside a woman’s body like Chaz Bono, or in a wheelchair like me,” when you find your
calling, all is right in the world. He still loves performing, but he’s finally
found what he’s meant to do: boss everyone around, i.e., directing.
It turns out he’s going to be directing two of his actors to
lose their virginity. He’s watching Rachel
and Blaine rehearsing West Side Story,
singing “Tonight.” It’s very delicate and lovely. Co-directors Coach Beiste and Emma react with applause and tears, but Artie has a concern: Not
enough passion. Turns out he’s the only one of the five who isn’t a virgin.
(It’s Glee. Believe.)
He says the song – the entire musical – is about sexual
awakening. They lack passion. He says, “I remember the first time with Brittany,
how it made me feel like a man – even though she called me the wrong name like
four times during. And after. What was it like for you guys?”
Blaine and Rachel shift from foot to foot and do their best
impressions of deer caught in headlights, and finally Blaine says, “I’m waiting for the right
A relieved Rachel says, “Yeah, me, too,” and then
in an aside to Blaine
adds,”I’m so glad you’re my Tony.” (Hmmmm, Rachel always said she
wasn’t going to lose her virginity until her first Tony.)
Artie shakes his head. “As your friend, I accept your
strange aversion to fun. But as your director I’m concerned…. How do you expect
to convey the human experience to an audience when you’ve haven’t even opened
yourself up to one of humanity’s most basic and primal ones?” I guess
because they’re actors, Artie.
Later, in the halls of McKinley, Finn is still trying to decide who to vote for, but he’s putting up
Rachel posters. “It’s kind of hard to vote against your brother,” he
“You can’t do this with your brother,” Rachel
says, and kisses him.
“Not unless you live in Kentucky,” a breathless Finn says when
Finn is also excited about an Ohio State
football recruiter coming, and Rachel says she’s not upset that he wants to go
to OSU: “It’s not like NYADA has a football team.”
Then Finn invites her over to the house while the folks are
away. She says she’ll be there at six. Guess Artie’s direction got to her.
Kurt and Blaine
are in Blaine’s
super-chic bedroom, listening to “Love is a Drug” by Roxy Music. There is a lot of 70s-80s
music tonight; I really don’t know if Ryan
Murphy was re-capturing his lost youth or what. Blaine says he wants to get in a time machine
and go back to the 70s just so he can give Bryan Ferry a high-five.
Kurt, lounging on Blaine’s
bed, sits up and says, “Do you think I’m boring?”
“Are you crazy? You’re the single most interesting kid
in all of Ohio.”
Or, you know, the entire world.
“I mean, like… sexually. I mean, we are playing it
awfully safe by not granting our hands visas to travel south of the
“I thought that’s what we wanted.” (Blaine, by the way, is
still dancing aimlessly around to the music.)
“It is. I’m just wondering… do you ever have the urge
to just rip off each other’s clothes and get dirty?”
“Ah, yeah,” Blaine
says sunnily, “But that’s why they invented masturbation.”
Kurt shifts uncomfortably. “It’s a little hot in this
room. Could we open a window?”
“Hey, I’m serious,” Blaine says, laughing and climbing on the bed
next to Kurt. “We’re young, we’re in high school, yeah, we have urges, but
whatever we do, I want to make sure you’re comfortable, so I can be
comfortable. And besides, tearing off all your clothes is sort of a tall
Kurt does this whole darling little shrugging, lash-dropping
thing and says, “Because of the layers?”
“Because of the layers,” says Blaine with a grin. Then
he kisses him.
I just love them. I don’t know who wouldn’t, other than
Michelle Bachmann. So sweet.