Gay Girl’s Goggles: “The Secret Circle” SnapCap (1.08)

When only four percent of scripted TV shows feature LGBT characters, what’s a gay girl to do? Why, strap on your gay goggles and watch TV along with us, of course! Our handy appraisal scale is better than any old letter grade. Other sites A+. We say, “What about our lezzy-lady feelings?”
 

Grams is missing, what to do, what to do? Oh, I know! Let’s all go to Henry’s remote lake house and look for her. After all, we’ve only been nearly killed for seven out of seven weeks and witch hunters are on the loose and we don’t even have a full Secret Circle because Melissa’s mom was worried and took her out of town for a while.


AFTERELLEN BAIT

Chamberlake is alive and well and having eye sex under the guise of Truth or Dare because, as Faye says, staring at Cassie, “What better way to get to know each other?”

But before that, we have the pleasure of seeing Faye and her legs take a bath. The fun only lasted for a few seconds, until a funny feeling down there turna out to be weeds and mud cropping up in the tub.

The gang comes running when they hear screams, but naturally, the water is clear by then. Frustrated, Faye shoos everyone out — except Cassie. The whole thing never would have happened if Cassie had been in the tub with Faye where she belonged.


Not to say that Faye is ready to commit. She chooses Diana who chooses dare. Faye dares her to take her shirt off for the next three questions. Thank you, Faye.


Faye is not so game when Diana dares Cassie to kiss Jake the Jerk. We’re supposed to think that look on Faye’s face has something to do with feelings for him? Gaye Faye could not possibly have that kind of reaction over Jerk. Poor Faye. It’s all fun and games until somebody kisses your girlfriend.

FEELINGS, FEELINGS, FEELINGS!

OMFG. This show has turned into a Genuine Horror Show. If we had any question, tonight answered it when a mysterious little girl in an adorable yellow slicker and red rain boots appears out of nowhere. And it’s storming! And the girl keeps yelling for help! But no one can see her or hear her except Faye! And then Faye follows wet footprints up the stairs — to a pair of red boots! Then the stairs are dry and the boots are gone! Faye is losing her magic marbles!

And! Faye recognizes the little girl — as herself! Fortunately, her OTP Cassie can see the girl, too. So while Faye freaks out, remembering how last time she wore that adorable little outfit she nearly drowned and Grandpa Henry saved her, Cassie calmly follows Little Faye to the water and sticks her hands in. Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble… up pops Henry’s body! Oh, Little Faye! Henry used the memory of you to call out to Big Faye! But Grandpa is dead! Oh, Faye! So! Many! Feelings! The world doesn’t have enough exclamation marks for all the feelings!


MOMENTS OF FAYE

This was a tough week for our girl. But even a near breakdown can’t take the B out of our fayevorite b-witch.

When she finds out Cassie did magic alone: “Doe-eyed Orphan Annie breezes into town acting like she doesn’t know the difference between witchcraft and Santa Claus and now she’s more powerful than any of us.”

When Cassie quotes Jake: “‘Jake says?’ Since when are you in a ‘Jake says’ place?”

When she learns that Diana suggested Jake and Cassie ride to the cabin together: “You totally car-blocked me … I’m impressed. Even though you and Adam gave back your promise rings, you want the competition in the other car. Convenient.”

On whether she’s worried about Grandpa: “Unlike Cassie, I’m not freaking out. He lives on a house on 200 acres and chops his own wood, hardly the kind of guy who waits by the phone.”

THE FOREBODING

As we suspected, Charles is the one who knocked Jane out and snatched the crystal last ep. He’s not so cooperative about letting Dawn keep it this time. He uses it to alter Jane’s memory so she thinks she left without seeing Henry. The evil look is back in Charles’s eyes — I guess he’s over that whole strangling Nick with his bare hands thing.

Jake pretends to play nice with the Circle, although he tells Head True Believer Isaac that he just needs to get closer to Cassie to know how to kill her. The closer he gets, though, the less he seems to mind her magic. He also learns that Cassie is powerful enough to read another person’s memories. Hey, I can read other people’s memories, too — as long as they write them down. Isaac is not buying Jake’s delay any longer. “It’s time for the witches to die.” Uh-oh.

What did you think of this episode of The Secret Circle? Any guesses about next week’s cliffhanger before the show takes a holiday hiatus?

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