Welcome to Grey’s Anatomy’s “What is it about Men” episode. Translation: The most uninteresting episode of the season. Ok, let’s get this over with.
AfterEllen Bait (What enticement did the episode use to reel in gay lady viewers?)
The AE bait rating is incredibly low because the episode focuses only on the male characters point of view. And the only reason I gave it even 5% was because Callie and Arizona were actually seen together on camera, although their 20-second scene took place in the first two minutes of the show and they did not return for the rest of the episode. Calzona is off for a three-day conference and Mark will be watching Sofia. Hey Calzona! Is there room in your car for one me? No? OK, then, I guess I’ll just hang out with the guys.
Feelings, Feelings, Feelings! (Did the episode have a lot of feelings or give you a lot of feelings?)
Men have feelings, too! (Although I rarely care about them.) Derek explains, “We (men) can talk about our feelings, it’s just that most of the time we’d really rather not.”
There is a lot of arguing and physical aggression in this episode. (Dear Shonda Rhimes, I get it — men have high levels of testosterone. You don’t have to hammer that fact into my head with actual hammers.) Yep, when the GA guys have too many feelings, they pick up a hammer and take the aggression out on poor innocent nails.
And just like the GA ladies, the men squabble and get their feelings hurt too. Probably because they are human beings. For example, Derek scolds Alex and kicks him off his service. Alex storms off and calls Derek a “douche.”
A worried Callie calls to check on Mark and Sofia (again) and during their five-second phone conversation Mark loses Sofia and then finds her on the floor under the couch. Yep, the baby fell off the couch.
A wild patient attacks the staff and innocent bystanders, so Owen punches him out. All of the male doctors are excited and impressed that Owen hit a patient. Then they go to the men’s room to measure their penises. (I’m kidding, and I just seriously grossed myself out.)
Mark gets jealous of the fact that Avery has been working and hanging out with Derek. Since Derek allows Avery to act as the lead surgeon on an operation, Mark counters by handing over his surgical tools to Avery.
By the end of this episode, everyone has processed their male feelings. Mark yells at Derek for stealing Avery away, exclaiming, “Friends don’t steal from each other.” (Um, didn’t you have an affair with Derek’s first wife?) Mark is also bummed because he wasn’t considered for the Chief position.
Ben is jealous that Bailey has moved onto Nurse Eli, Avery is frustrated that Mark won’t let him operate, and Derek misses Meredith. (Then put down your tools and go home because she’s there waiting for you!)
Whores and Gore (Was there an excessive amount of bed-hopping and blood? Hopefully not at the same time. )
At Casa de la Meredith, April returns some random girl’s underwear to Alex. Yep, Alex is getting laid, but luckily I don’t have to see it.
A stampede of comic book geeks at the convention center causes lots of injuries and lots of sci-fi costumes to appear in the hospital hallways. I’m talking Star Wars, Lord of the Rings yet no Wonder Woman. Richard and Cristina squabble over who should get the “sexy zombie nurse” patient. Richard wins and then constantly refers to her as “sexy zombie nurse.” (You know that’s just a costume, right?)
Excited to operate, Owen tells Richard that they are going to need a lot of blood. The makeup department probably went through at least two gallons of faux blood, covering extras with bloody head wounds, Including a severed ear. Don’t worry, the ear shows up and at the convention center’s Lost and Found. I’m not kidding.
Medical Mishaps (What’s wrong with this hospital?)
Alex teases his Hobbit-attired patient by telling him he’ll never walk again. Alex says, “I’m just messing with you, you’re fine! You just have a few broken toes, if that.”
That’s not funny.
Richard attempts to attend to his sexy zombie nurse’s wounds, but he can’t figure out why some of her gashes aren’t bleeding. Answer: Because they are fake wounds that are part of her costume.
Derek tells Ben that Bailey has been getting it on with Nurse Eli in the conference room. I feel bad for the GA janitorial staff.
Derek visits Owen in his new Chief of Surgery office and witnesses Owen pounding liquor while sorting through hospital paperwork. Derek tells Owen to finish his drink and takes him on a field trip. That’s OK, guys. I’m sure the patients from the convention center can just heal themselves.
They leave the hospital and head over to Derek’s dream house, where they hammer nails into Derek’s porch and get their frustrations out. Owen explains that he is having issues at home with Cristina, and now he’s overwhelmed with office work.
Derek chugs his beer and tells Owen that he made a $100 bet that Owen would be the Chief of Surgery for at least six months. Speaking of bets, I bet most doctors don’t drink on the job and walk out in the middle of a work day.
Alex offers to give out April’s phone number to his hobbit patient who has a crush on her. April’s enormous patient freaks out and starts beating people up. Owen walks up to the out of control man and knocks him out with one punch, then adjusts his necktie. Owen is a better James Bond than he is Chief of Surgery.
Richard insists on putting on dance music while he operates. Nothing like disco and scalpels. (Hey, that’s a good album title!) Richard even gives Alex a twirl before he scrubs in. Mark pages Alex because he’s concerned Sofia hasn’t cried in 27 hours. Alex insists that she’s fine, so he slaps her baby leg so she’ll cry. (Dude, did you seriously just assault a baby?)
Owen is required to apologize to the patient he assaulted, but instead Owen says he “feels good about what he did.” Owen lectures the guy and then squeezes the patient’s wired jaw making him wince in pain. So wait, you apologized for assaulting him by assaulting him again? Seattle Grace is a hot mess.
In the end, all the guys are hammering and fixing up Derek’s house to let off steam, although they have made his porch crooked.
Now I must clarify, I’m not a man-hating lesbian but, damn, this episode was painful to watch. Bring back the girls!