“Glee” Episode 303 Recap: “We’ve All Got Pain”

I have no idea if someone had a big fat gay intervention
with Ryan Murphy or he just saw the light on his own or what exactly happened
over the summer, but hello, Gleeks, our show is back!

I wasn’t even one of those who hated on Season Two. It had
some of my favorite episodes. It had Brittana. It had Kurt and Blaine kissing. It
had Santana breaking down at her locker, telling Brittany she loved her. It just didn’t have
consistent character development, continuity, or good plot-based excuses for
all those iTunes songs.

Season Three, however and at least so far, has all those
things. And last night’s episode, “Asian F,” also has roof-blowing-off performances by
Harry Shum Jr. and Heather Morris, along with one of the best musical ensemble
numbers I’ve ever seen on the series.

“Asian F” opens with Mercedes running into booty
camp, late again. Santana rips into her while we’re all going, Santana? Didn’t
Will kick you out of New Directions last week?

“I’ve re-sworn my allegiance to the Glee Club,”
she says. “Without telling Coach Sue.”

I promise I won’t tell her, Santana. Even if you didn’t have
razor blades in your hair and no conscience, I’d never do anything to hurt you.

Mercedes is overwhelmed by booty camp and says she feels
sick. It never crossed my mind that she might be with child, but two minutes on
Tumblr and Twitter showed that I’m yet again not part of the zeitgeist on the
subject of accidental pregnancy. Regardless, no, I don’t think so. I think this
is a Dreamgirls reference, the way
Effie would say she felt sick or in pain when what she was experiencing was
emotional suffering. And it’s not like the episode isn’t full of Dreamgirls references.

Anyway, Santana doesn’t think Mercedes is preggers. No, she
think she’s eaten too much.

“Why are you babying her?” she asks Mr. Schue.
“She can’t do three steps without puking because she had a Quiznos before
she showed up in this joint.”

Mercedes is leaning weakly on something. “Mr. Schue,
you have us scheduled to the second right now. With school, Glee Club and booty
camp, when else am I supposed to eat?”

Santana tosses her pony tail. “When the rest of us do.”

“Oh, like you eat!” Mercedes snaps.

Will is hammering at Mercedes to work harder, but she
insists she’s doing her best. Will says it’s not about doing her best; it’s
about doing better. For what it’s worth, I get that everyone wants to win, but
Will’s getting a little ruthless this season.

Now, my notes for the next scene say, “Will and
Emma.”

That’s it. They say nothing else. So I go back to see what
the hell happened, why I didn’t take notes, and why I couldn’t remember the
scene.

And realized it was because it gave me PTSD. See, I like
Will and Emma and want them to be together, but him showing her his porn
collection and insisting he wants to meet her parents even though it’s clear
she doesn’t want him to does not endear me to the man or the ‘ship. In other
words, this is not gonna end well and I don’t wanna watch.

Meanwhile, Mike Chang is having a grueling interview with
his father and Principal Figgins over his “Asian F” – an A- on a
chemistry test. Father blames it on Tina and the New Directions. Mike looks
like someone just killed his puppy and promises Mr. Chang Sr. that he’ll do
better but please don’t take away his vampire gf or his Glee Club. Amen.

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