“Lost Girl” SnapCap (2.05): Never-ending sexual frust-fae-tion

Right, so from now on I guess we’ll need to keep a knife by our side each time we watch Lost Girl. No, not because of some terrifying Fae creature that might try to eat us. But instead we need the knife to cut the ridiculously, ridiculously thick sexual tension between Bo and Lauren. Oh delicious, delicious, sexual tension – how we’ve missed you. Of course judging by the end of this week’s episode, we’ll also need to keep a large bucket of cold water by our side. Because all that sexual tension turned into sexual frustration when it left us hanging. You glorious, terrible tease you. Sometimes the shower is just too far away.

AFTERELLEN BAIT (What enticement did the episode use to reel in gay lady viewers?)

Lauren wants Bo to try her cupcakes. And that’s only not a euphemism in the most literal sense. But really, Lauren baking cupcakes in Bo’s kitchen? Adorable. Lauren geeking out about the science of baking cupcakes in Bo’s kitchen? Double adorable. Really, everything and anything involving Dr. Hotpants, the culinary arts and/or Bo and Lauren looking deeply into each other’s big, brown eyes was just the dreamiest. Ladies, keep this up and you’ll give Rizzoli & Isles a run for their money in the eye sex department.

FEELINGS, FEELINGS, FEELINGS! (Did the episode give you a lot of feelings?)

My feelings at the end of that episode could best be summed up as, “Why are Lauren and Bo not tearing each other’s clothes off right this second?” The sexual tension between Bo and Lauren is, indeed, ridiculous. And you have to believe the writers are building to something good otherwise this will be the longest, slowest, cruelest case of Docc Block ever. But I do like that they’re showing us more of Bo’s protectiveness of Lauren and more of Lauren’s vulnerability around Bo. Sometimes you have to earn it, even if it comes painfully slowly that way.

My other predominate feeling? Sheer joy at the arrival of Dyson’s long-lost, former flame from his wolf pack days, Ciara. Never before has a heterosexual TV smooch made me so thrilled as the one between Dyson and Ciara. Could this finally, finally mean Bo and Dyson are completely dunzo? If Bo telling Dyson in no uncertain terms that her door or its inhabitants will no longer be the ones to bang on for a booty call, then I think we have our answer. That’s not exactly fighting for Dyson. Now Lauren, that’s another matter.

DOCCUBUS ACTION (Exactly how hot were those pants this week?)

Well they sure took their damn time, but finally the Doccubus storyline is starting to really cook. Well, in this case, bake. Lauren runs away from the new Ash after he dictates that all humans will be locked in their residences during non-working hours. And she runs straight for Bo, naturally. But then while Lauren is hiding out at her pad, Bo commits the Relationship 101 faux pas of loudly having sex with someone else while Lauren is there baking her said cupcakes. Really, that’s so basic it’s not even in The Big Relationship Handbook. That’s on the cover, written in all caps: “Before we start, don’t sleep with other people while the person you actually want to sleep with is downstairs.”

But then, after the unpleasantness of Bo making succubus with Dyson’s former wolf pack friend, heavens, do those two ladies get their smolder on. The whole “You take the bed, I’ll take the couch” conversation was just foreplay. Ladies, stop arguing. First, do it on the couch. Then the bed. Then the couch again. Then possibly the kitchen counter. Followed by the bathroom sink. See, problem solved. I’m here to help.

Still I actually think it’s wise of the writers to wait to really hook them up (because they will hook up, even if I have to will it myself by summoning Baba Yaga or the Norn on them), because then it will feel deserved. Lauren still needs to have “that talk” with Bo. And we still need to know more about her history. But if the heat coming off the boob graze Lauren gave Bo while brushing by her to sleep on the couch is any indication, when it does happen it will burn the whole damn house down.

ACTION ACTION (So what the Fae actually happened, and did Bo kick its ass?)

Dyson gets a visit from one of his old wolf pack brothers. They hump each other wolf bond and generally act like douchey drunken frat boys until the friend says he needs a favor. He is trying to track down some Mongolian Death Worm, which sounds awful but looks like a little old granny watching a portable TV. Just don’t take away her portable TV or she’ll melt you with her laser eyes. I want to be in the writers’ room when they come up with the Fae Monster of the Week. That has got to be a good time. But, douchey brotherhood of the wolf guy turns out to be just as douchey as we all suspected, and double crosses Dyson and Bo and tried to steal back the Mongolian Death Worm. Though, I can’t totally hate the guy – he did bring/kidnap Ciara. And for that, I will be eternally thankful.

KENZISM OF THE WEEK (What makes her just the Kenziest Kenzi ever?)

“It’s either something vaguely bi-curious or they’re just hungry.”

BOOBS O’CLOCK O’ THE WEEK (Because you can’t spell “Boobs” without “Bo.”)

I don’t know about you, but I think I need that bucket of cold water – immediately. And, just to make things even more excruciating, Lost Girl will be on mini-hiatus until Oct. 23. So that last soulful shot of Lauren looking back at Bo alone, hungry – that’s a surrogate for us all these next two long weeks. Never-ending sexual frustration is truly never-ending. Discuss. Now gimme that damn bucket.

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