Gay Girl’s Goggles: “The Secret Circle” SnapCap (1.02)

When only four percent of scripted TV shows feature LGBT characters, what’s a gay girl to do? Why, strap on your gay goggles and watch TV along with us, of course! Our handy appraisal scale is better than any old letter grade. Other sites A+. We say, “What about our lezzy-lady feelings?”

“Destiny’s not easy to run from.” That’s still the theme. We still don’t know who Destiny is, but I hope she’s hot.

AFTERELLEN BAIT

Frankly, I expected more Sapphic delight from an episode called “Bound.” Still, hot witches are hot. We need only to see a tank top or lacy bra or slick leather jacket to be happy with the scenery. This ep we got all of those, but the lesbian bait special o’ the week was a pair of thighs, courtesy of sidekick-witch Melissa, who’s having a secret circle of her very own with brooding witch Nick. I wish I had a picture of Faye’s BFF in her Victoria’s Secret circle undies, but this Entertainment Weekly photo shows the highlights. Would you like those thighs for here or to go?


FEELINGS, FEELINGS, FEELINGS

This week, witch just got real. Magic is all fun and games until somebody dies. Unless somebody else raises her from the dead, of course. What do I feel? Nervous. Out-of-control witches affect me that way, because everywhere they go, horrible things happen. Chemistry class becomes bubble, bubble, boil and blow up. Closing curtains becomes breaking the peeping Nick’s window. The school fair becomes Carnival: Resurrection. And just when we think we can relax, something else happens to up the ante. But the show has far too much blatant heterosexuality. Boy/girl sexual tension makes me feel tense, even with Uh Huh Her playing in the background. Let the woman witches dance naked together as nature intended.

THE FUNNY

Once again, Faye got all the best lines. Coven leader Dianna tries to convince Faye that the young witches need to bind together to control their power and use it better. Faye: “For what? World peace? Are we gonna’ save the turtles?” At least she is socially conscious. Cassie is no pushover, either. Faye gets all friendly and suggests they do magic together (which is almost subtexty, but not). Cassie: “I don’t know you. I don’t want to know you and I don’t want any part of this. So you need to leave me alone. Understand?” Behold, the face of Faye.


One moment of unintentional funny came during a sexually charged scene between Cassie and Adam. Cassie holds an electric cord and Adam holds a light bulb. When the two join hands, the light bulb lights, because of their “energy.” I flashed back to fifth grade science class when we did the same thing with a potato. That Adam is such a spud.

THE FOREBODING

The principal has no principles. Faye’s mommy dearest, Dawn, may turn out to be the real evil behind the parent witches’ nefarious plot to regain their powers. Turns out that Charles was able to set Cassie’s house on fire and nearly drown Ethan on dry land via a magic crystal. Dawn takes possession of the crystal to preserve its power, but then uses it to raise Sally from the dead after Faye accidentally kills her in a power boost. (No word if Sally is a zombie or vampire now.) Then, when Dawn’s father-in-law, one of the grandparent witches who took away parent witches’ powers, discovers the crystal, she uses it to give him a heart attack. Poor grandpa. Good thing Dawn is hot, because she’s getting hard to love.

Thanks to Faye’s near-murder experience, the kids are scared into binding the circle and meet in the woods at midnight to do just that. They build a big bonfire, Diana says mysterious words from the book of shadows, big bonfire explodes into the sky, turtles are saved. And this circle won’t be broken by and by.

What did you think of this episode of The Secret Circle? Still intrigued or ready to unplug?

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