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Emmy Awards have some pleasant surprises and lesbian moments

Any award show that kicks off with Jane Lynch hitting on Peggy Olson is pretty OK in my book. In fact, despite its usual suspects of some all-too-predictable winners, the 63rd annual Emmy Awards managed to pack in a few very big and very deserving surprises. Sure, some folks probably aren’t exactly Glee-ful about the results, but you can’t argue too much when clear eyes and full hearts actually win.

The evening opened with Lynch singing and dancing her way through an elaborate pre-taped musical number. While she waltzed her way through TV’s wonderland, she stopped at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce to tell the Mad Men and women that a lot has changed since 1965. “In fact, women can marry other women. Hey, Peggy.”

The opening bit also had Leonard Nimoy tell Lynch she was perfect for the hosting gig because “to men, you’re womanish. To women, you’re mannish.” Lynch, who attended with her lovely wife Lara Embry, did an admirable and charming turn as the night’s host, even if the writing wasn’t always up to her talents. She gamely fielded insults about her “man’s haircut” from the Mad Men crew. (“This haircut cost more than your house.”)

The night’s first few awards settled the “Which Modern Family family is the best?” debate. Julie Bowen and Ty Burrell beat out their co-stars to take home best comedy supporting actress and actor, respectively (all the Modern Family cast submitted in supporting — in case you were wondering). I thought the Delgado-Pritchett’s were the funnier than the Dunphy’s last season, but that’s just me.

After taking home the night’s four first awards, Lynch welcomed everyone back to the “Modern Family Awards.” I’m glad all the Glee kids are over 21, because it was probably a long night at the bar for them. Speaking of bars, for some inexplicable reason Charlie Sheen was on stage as part of his “Please Hire Me Again, Hollywood” tour. He handed The Big Bang Theory‘s Jim Parsons his second consecutive Emmy for best comedy actor. I had hoped Steve Carell would finally triumph in his last chance in seven seasons to take home the trophy. Oh, Steve, we all know in our hearts you own “That’s what she said.”

The night’s best moment came courtesy the ladies. Rob Lowe and Sofia Vergara came up to present best comedy actress and as they started to read the nominees, Amy Poehler walked on stage after her name was read, followed by all the actresses in a mock beauty pageant moment. The idea, thought up the night before at dinner by Poehler and fellow nominee Martha Plimpton, was both hilarious and endearing. Seeing Tina Fey, Plimpton, Melissa McCarthy, Poehler, Edie Falco and Laura Linney all lined up served as a reminder what an embarrassment of riches we have of funny, fabulous women on TV.

It almost didn’t matter who won — almost. In one of the night’s biggest upsets, Mike & Molly‘s McCarthy beat out a tough field. Her win was probably as much for her scene-stealing turn in Bridesmaids as her small screen feats. But, still, with a star as infinitely likeable as McCarthy, you can’t really begrudge her victory. Also, the tiara was a particularly nice touch.

The Amazing Race and The Daily Show both picked up their ninth Emmys, continuing reigns in their respective categories of reality competition and comedy/variety series to no one’s surprise. And then, stuff started to get really surprising. Critically adored, awards-challenged Friday Night Lights picked up the best drama writing award. Then veteran character actor Margo Martindale won for best supporting actress in a drama, for her spectacular work as a backwoods crime boss in Justified. The very cool Game of Thrones star Peter Dinklage was as cool as expected while thanking his dog sitter during his acceptance speech for best supporting actor. And, finally, Coach Taylor himself Kyle Chandler beat out Jon Hamm and others as best actor in a drama for the final season of Friday Night Lights. For a second I thought I was watching the wrong award show; these folks actually deserved to win.

In less surprising news, Julianna Margulies took home her first best actress in a drama win for The Good Wife. Though what, exactly, those big, clear drops on her dress were remained the night’s biggest mystery. Unicorn tears? Accident with the glue gun? Though, per TheLinster‘s suggestion, I think perhaps we should be very afraid instead. Quick, someone call the Doctor.

Lynch, who popped up in three dresses throughout the night — and briefly in a suit, confessed her “gay agenda” for hosting the show to the audience. She pulled out a list and then read: “‘Call Rachel Maddow and find out what time spinning is.’ And, ‘Take the pick-up in for an oil change.’ Nah, I’ll do it myself. And there was a third thing, but I must have left it in my fanny pack.” She also had perhaps the show’s best zinger and the world’s most convincing argument for lesbianism: “A lot of people are very curious why I’m a lesbian. Ladies and gentlemen, the cast of Entourage.”

On the “Look at all these movie stars slumming on TV”-portion of the night, the big prestige smackdown was between PBS’s Downton Abbey and HBO’s Mildred Pierce. The acclaimed PBS drama took home four trophies, including best miniseries and a best supporting actress for Dame Maggie Smith that surely had Gryffindors celebrating until well into the night.

HBO picked up two Pierce wins for Kate Winslet and Guy Pearce. The Emmy win puts Winslet only one award, a Tony, away from achieving the EGOT. After her big win, Lynch deadpanned: “Congratulations to Kate Winslet, who just won an Emmy. She’s a wonderful film actress, and there are so many movie stars doing TV now that TV stars have been forced into providing voices for video games. And those very same video games are then turned into movies, starring the very people who put the TV stars out of work in the first place. Hakuna matata, my friends. Circle of life.”

Even when the material wasn’t up to snuff — like the long and unnecessary Jersey Shore skit — Lynch was always at ease and infinitely agreeable. Lynch, Ellen DeGeneres, Neil Patrick Harris — the gays sure make excellent Emmys host.

While the night’s final two awards — best comedy and best drama — weren’t big surprises either, you can’t argue that the shows aren’t good TV (though I can complain bitterly that Parks & Recreation was robbed — robbed I say). Modern Family picked up its second consecutive win and Mad Men its fourth.

And now, onto the real awards: the fashion. Everyone, it seemed, was seeing red on the red carpet. Everyone from Glee‘s Lea Michele to The Vampire Diaries Nina Dobrev, Kate Winslet, Connie Britton, Kerry Washington, Adrianne Palicki and Angela Kinsey showed up in red.

To make up for Glee only picking up previously awarded guest star and casting honors at the Emmys this year, here are the rest of its lovely, lovely ladies.

Game of Thrones star and perpetual lesbian crush Lena Headey was also there as was out actress and fairly crushworthy Evan Rachel Wood, both visions in black. Suddenly I feel like they should work together in a project, immediately.

Still, the night’s biggest “My stylist secretly hates me”-moment came courtesy Gwyneth Paltrow. Her bizarre midriff-baring ensemble almost made it look like the famously fit actress had a muffin top. Yeah, it’s no longer a secret, honey. Your stylist really does hate you.

To cleanse the palate, here are a few more ladies looking absolutely lovely. Sofia Vergara, Christina Hendricks, Archie Panjabi and Maria Bello‘s stylists by all appearances do not hate them. Or, well, nothing approaching Gwynethian levels.

So, what did you think of the show? Want Jane back as Emmy host? Who won the battle of the red dress? And who shoulda, coulda, woulda won the awards in your book? Dicuss. (Go to EW.com for the full list of winners.)

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