The final hurdle is upon us and we cannot deny that we’re delighted to see the Candy Bar finish line. There has been nothing terribly wrong with this show; it has simply been disappointingly dis-interesting. Apart from some feelings of fondness for Sandra’s ways and some genuine mirth experienced at the hands of Shoreditch Jo and her mum, we’ve felt dead inside for one hour every week as we watched nothing happen.
But because we always try to look for the good in everything and everyone, natch, we will say that at least it wasn’t a car crash. At least it made lesbians look boring and not mental, murderous or in danger of shagging a man at any moment.
We are greeted by Gary walking his very small dog along the streets of London. The press launch of the Candy Bar is dawning and in a transparent bid by Channel 5 to inject some sort of tension we’re told that if this launch goes tits up then Gary’s credibility goes down the pan. I think the boat has already sailed on that one Gary; your credibility went when you displayed fear over your mother’s vagina in episode one.
However Gary is going all out to make sure the Candy Bar’s launch is a winner and invites Christina (daughter of Jean Christophe) Novelli to use her highly trained culinary skills to sort out the catering.
Christina: So I was thinking cheese and pineapple on a stick?
Although Gary seemed up for this classic 1970s combo, Christina admits she was just larking about. Gary suggests serving prawns and Christina suggests her mind is going into overdrive with the excitement of it all.
Christina goes to the shops to look at ingredients and again we are reminded how much depends on this single night being a success.
Sandra is tasked with bringing celebrities to this must-do-well-or-Gary-will-look-like-a-twat launch. Sam and Alex are on hand to help.
Sam suggests a guest list that cascades with ever increasing unlikeness: Mel C, Annie Lennox, Britney Spears, Madonna, Lady Gaga, Ellen DeGeneres and her hot wife, Portia.
To be fair Sam does admit that her list isn’t entirely realistic but Sandra jots down Rihanna and tells her you’ve got to aim for the stars and she’s certain that this party is going to be the event of the decade.