“Exes & Ohs” recap 208: “Sleepless in Seattle” Season Finale

Previously: Kris and Chris tied the knot at home, with cupcakes and rumba music. Jen asked yet another woman out, prompting Sam to drop a bomb that’s been years in the making: She’s in love with her. But before Jen could stammer a reply, Kris’s water broke. Babies are such attention whores.

It’s a few hours later and Kris is with Chris in their room, still waiting to hear the eerie yet adorable mewing of a newborn. Instead of boiling water, tearing up bed sheets and running around like lunatics, Jen, Sam, Devin, Sheila and Dr. Bob stand around listening to the midwife as she gives Kris some annoying news: the baby is at least 12 hours away.

Chris asks what they can do to get things moving. The midwife recommends relaxing, walking, or eating spicy food. Does this look like the face of a woman who wants to go mall-walking or dive into a bowl of five-alarm chili?

No. This the face of a woman who wants drugs, and wants them now.

With nothing to do but wait, Jen and Sam go home to stare at the ceiling in their respective beds. Not because they’re anxious aunts, but because Sam’s “I want you” still hangs out there like an unfinished bridge to nowhere. Sam throws her cell phone across the room in frustration.

Unable to sleep because of her new unrequited feeling for Jen, Sam gets on her computer, and after checking her Facebook and watching Dramatic Cat on YouTube for the hundredth time, she is seriously checking rates for a backpacking expedition to Nepal.

Most people just write bad poetry, Sam.

As Sam learns about the Himalayas, Jen calls her to talk, but her phone is somewhere on the floor, so she doesn’t hear it buzzing. Meanwhile, Kris is home, demanding something called a Flaming Vesuvius Burrito from the only 24-hour taco stand that names its menu items after Italian volcanoes.

Chris calls Sam to see if she’ll bring over some burritos because what are friends for? Getting her voicemail, she calls Jen, too. There are work friends, casual friends, bar friends and school friends, but the only friends you can call at three in the morning, asking for take-out Mexican, are your real friends.

Jen and Sam run into each other at the taco stand, each having placed the order for Kris.

Jen: Hi.

Sam: Yeah, hi. [silence] I saw you called.

Jen: Oh, that. Yeah, that was nothing.

Sam: Yeah, right. Because you always call people at three in the morning about nothing.

You do if you’re drunk.

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