“Exes & Ohs” recap 205: “Everything Changes”


Previously: Elizabeth changed her mind about wet t-shirt contests once she imagined Sam in clingy, sheer cotton. Sheila’s sole parenting tip to Kris and Chris was to make time for sex. And Jen broke up with Gillian after she realized Bridge Girls lead to dead-ends.

Single yet again, Jen is throwing herself into her work. Since she can’t find a girlfriend, herself, she’ll study those who do with her never-ending documentary, “The Search for Love.”

If production on this film goes as long as her actual search for love, it won’t be seen until Outfest 2024.

Tonight, that Jane of All Trades, Devin, is hooking Jen up with a wireless router in her apartment. The girls are also there, setting out food and drinking beer, because only lesbians can turn an IT house call into a party.

Jen’s excited about her new wireless capabilities because it means she can work in bed. Yup. This is what she’s been reduced to. Just name that router “crazycatlady21” and be done with it.

Sam says suggestively, “Beds are made for one kind of laptop, and it ain’t a computer.” Elizabeth purrs knowingly – she just loves being with a “bad girl” – and they both give Jen their best saucy-girl look.

Rub it in, why doncha?

Jen basks in the warmth and easy camaraderie of her chosen family and gushes, “It’s so great just hanging out with you guys.” The only constant in Jen’s life are her friends, who love her to pieces, despite her sometimes-unrealistic optimism, neurotic over-thinking, and horrible taste in sweaters.

There’s a knock on the door. Chris opens it to find Gillian holding a cheese plate. Cheese is delicious, but doesn’t excuse the fact that Gillian’s still married and not dating Jen anymore. Chris slams the door in her face.

Chris beckons Devin, then Sam, over. Guess who’s coming to dinner?

Jen tells the girls to let Gillian in – she invited her. While they stare back at her in disbelief, Jen explains the “Shining Example of Lesbians” Rule.

Jen: Lots of people think lesbians are higher beings because of our unique ability to be best friends with our exes, even if we just broke up. And that’s such a crock of sh-t.

I have a theory about exes who become friends. (I have a theory about almost everything.) When straight people break up, they can go their whole lives and never see each other again for two reasons. Without that romantic connection, men and women have nothing in common. Also, their social and entertainment choices are vast; there’s little chance of running into each other again and again.

We, on the other hand, share many interests and mutual friends, so it’s easier for two women to downshift into friendship. And we have precious few lesbian places. You cannot swing a cat in a women’s bar without hitting an ex. Being friends is the social grease that keeps us from becoming hermits. Or killing each other.

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