“Pretty Little Liars” recap 2.07: Like Taking Candy From a Blind Girl

Last time on Pretty Little Liars, “A” hijacked a fashion show and masqueraded around like the devil; Emily got naked in front of Samara, who then unforgivably brought another gay lady to Emily’s modeling debut; Spencer used her fists to knock out Mona’s teeth, which she immediately fashioned into a belt; Aria continued her inexplicable fascination with Jason DiLaurentis; and Hanna invited Emily to live with her.

You know it’s going to be a good episode when the first previously is Jenna and Aria in pottery class in the dark, circling each other like some blind sharks.

At the Marin house, where coffee flows like water, the Liars are debriefing the hell “A” wrought at the fashion show and wondering if Officer Garrett has made any progress with Logan Reed, the RPS delivery guy. I don’t really remember what Garrett was meant to be doing with that guy, actually. Figuring out the identity of the woman who paid him to drop off Ian’s hush money? Spencer says she’s hoping to get her hands on that sack of cash, I think, to buy back Melissa’s ring? Except doesn’t Spencer know “A” has the ring now because of the text last week? Also, why does Melissa even want that ring? It’s not like she needs another reminder that she married a homicidal maniac. You know, besides the Satan she’s incubating in her womb.

What’s important is that Hanna and Emily do this weird thing about how great it is to live together, in the exact same room, how it’s like a never-ending sleepover. And then Aria and Spencer do this other weird thing where they look at each other like, “Do they mean sleepover, sleepover?” Apparently there was a guest room that got flooded and so now Emily is sleeping on a trundle in Hanna’s own boudoir. And by boudoir, I mean pajamas.

The doorbell rings and it’s a delivery from “A,” of course — a basket of chocolates and massage oils and brogues and strap-ons. And a note:

Hanna tosses out the candy in disgust, ‘cause it’s not even the good kind of chocolate, and she’s grown accustomed to a certain standard of confectionery bullying. 

Montgomery House. Ella is helping Aria pick out a dress for a family dinner party. Aria goes, “I was thinking of pairing like a sleeveless bedazzled tuxedo shirt with some cut-off jean shorts and cowboy boots, and maybe these new earrings Spencer made out of Mona’s spleen.” Ella picks an elegant, black cocktail dress instead, and then tries to have a word with Mike, who comes clomping in the house, hollering about, “Gotta go! Late for school! Burgling ran over this morning!” The Montgomerys decide to invite Ezra and a plus one to their dinner party, which makes Aria’s eyebrows go wackadoodle.

At Marin’s Coffee Shop of Hidden Dollars, Emily is preparing egg white omelets for breakfast, with fresh parsley and everything. Fruit salad. Hand-squeezed orange juice. And you know she went out and bought that s–t herself. Ashley wouldn’t know fresh parsley if she was forced to whore herself out to it in order to free her daughter from some misdemeanor theft charges. Actually, Ashley is so impressed with the sight of actual food in her kitchen, she says she might go for the “daughter upgrade.” Which, not so funny on account of: a) Hanna’s dad already did that exact thing, and b) Hanna’s face foreshadows that it’s actually going to happen. Oh, God, if Emily gets homeless and is forced to share a tent with Caleb, I think I will die. She doesn’t even have her own tent; Mike stole it! Emily’s shoulder is hurting because of her new training. 

Spencer and her dad have a quick chat about Toby doing some landscaping work for them. He’s going to clear out all the shrubbery and stuff from their back yard, where he surely will not find anything suspicious, especially after Jason was digging up all those holes in everyone’s yard in the middle of the night in the middle of those thunderstorms a couple of weeks ago. Spencer’s like, “You’ll make sure the contractor hires him if he does a good job, right?” And her dad is like, “Of course, Spence. You know how all your plans work out so well for you, especially when your mother or I get involved.”

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