Previously: Cori’s first attempt at pregnancy was a fail. Francine made damn sure Claire’s sh-t talk came back to bite her in the ass. Kelsey decided she’s not a drunk, despite what Romi told her. Whitney was too busy to notice Rachel’s feeble psyche. And Sajdah screamed at Chanel for the last time. Shocking. They seemed so good together.
We start this second-to-last episode with Sajdah excusing her berating rants and rapey gropes by saying, “I got a little growing up to do – in my sexuality, still getting stable in Los Angeles.” How about just getting stable, period?
Sajdah’s mantra all season has been, “I’m new to this.” You remember being new, doncha? Pinching girls’ nipples, calling them “stupid as sh-t,” and sideswiping parked cars? Yeah. Good times.
With Chanel hiding out in a women’s shelter, Sajdah has plenty of time to pick up her mother, Sarita, whose plane has just landed at LAX. Today, Sajdah’s car is grey. Sometimes, it’s white. It’s always an economy-sized sedan. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she’s been driving a rental car all this time.
Inside the terminal, Sarita tells Sajdah she met some nice lesbians on the plane, and one of them said her name was “Ace.” Sajdah immediately guesses correctly her real name is Ashley, but it’s too feminine for a butch, hence, “Ace.” Guess who’s not really “new” after all.
Sajdah says her mother is the strongest person she knows because she had Sajdah when she was 16. Then, her own mom was murdered. And then someone else died. And there’s no mention of Sajdah’s father at all. You think that’s hard? Sajdah’s new to being gay. That’s hard!
Later over pancakes, Sajdah and Sarita delve into a theological discussion. Sajdah wonders since “God orchestrates everything,” why isn’t Chanel at home, waxing her vadge and waiting for her in bed? Sarita tells her daughter to suck it up – that’s life – and PS, stop buying jeans with holes in them.
Elsewhere, Kacy is out with her friend Drea, who’s in town on business. Drea and her partner have twins, so Kacy is eager to hear how they did it, how long did it take, and did they use a homemade dildo with an anal douche attachment?
Drea has bad news for the impatient Kacy: It took a year and seven tries to create the twins they have. Ain’t that just the way? Each attempt puts you deeper in debt. You start taking fertility drugs to increase your odds. A year later, you’re filing for bankruptcy and holding triplets. As Drea prattles on about the cost of lawyers, diapers, college and bail, Kacy’s mind races. Kids are expensive! Welcome to parenthood.
Still clinging to the notion that she and Cori can incorporate sex into the process so they can pretend that they made a baby together, Kacy asks Drea for advice. Drea laughs at Kacy’s silly romantic notion and says, “No. This isn’t TV… it’s more like ‘don’t move, don’t move!'” So, it is like having sex.
Later that night, Francine invites Whitney, Romi, Kelsey and Rachel over for dinner in her newly landscaped backyard. As her guests file in, Francine admonishes Khristianne for throwing half a stick of butter into the shrimp, gasping in horror: “Oh my gosh, you’re so unhealthy, the way you cook!”
During dinner, Khristianne’s can’t stop enjoying the buttery goodness of her shrimp. She’s got her eatin’ pants on. Stand back.