“Exes & Ohs” recap 204: “Frog Girls and Wet T-Shirts”

Previously: Jen turned her viral sex tape into a teachable moment for a film lecture. Sam ‘fessed up that she doesn’t have two nickels to rub together, and that’s why she’s not in the mood to rub anything else with Elizabeth. After her mom and partner made her the odd girl out, Kris feels the love again. Now, if only her mother would go home.

This week, Jen and Sam have formed their own two-woman activity club, and are about to enjoy the day tooling around Seattle on rented bicycles. As they gear up, Sam complains that Barry is on her ass to bring in more bar business. If she can pry lesbians off their couches, she’ll get a raise and be made manager. If she can’t, she’s fired. But no pressure.

Sam begs Jen for some ideas, but Jen points out that just because she eats food, it doesn’t mean she can cook; she has no idea how to run a gay bar. In her desperation, Sam insists Jen give something, anything, so she blurts out, “doughnut party!”

OK, she’s just throwing words together. Pretzel dance! Laundry dinner! Bi-curious actress!

Jen assumes Sam has already considered the most obvious idea: a wet t-shirt contest. Or has she? Nope. Somehow, the popularity of women thrusting out their chests while wearing clingy cotton has completely escaped Sam. Of course, it’s a brilliant idea. If for no other reason than it’s not a doughnut party.

At the bar, Sam tells Barry that women will soon be lining up to buy drinks and holler inappropriately at other women’s nipples. Barry approves, even though he’s gay. Sam’s also commissioned Devin to create a website for the bar with a “missed connections board, and links to site like AfterElton for you, and AfterEllen for us.” A shout out! Holla!

Here, we see Devin installing a new webcam, so Eurobians can enjoy the show from their time zone. I just made up that word.

Devin is not only the aforementioned barista, yenta and web designer, she’s also an electrician. I think the name Devin is Gaelic for “handy lesbian.”

Elsewhere, Jen and Gillian are doing their part to save the environment – they’ve just finished showering together. They also conserve electricity by using the light reflecting off their skin, the whitest I’ve ever seen.

Seriously, girls. Go outside once in a while.

Jen mentions having jitters over her new job as a full-blown instructor at Gillian’s school. Seems her guest lecture not only wow’d the students, it impressed the dean enough to hire her.

Gillian: If you get nervous today, just do what I do.

Jen: Oh please. Don’t say, “Picture them naked” because I’ve tried and I just picture myself naked and that makes me even more nervous.

Gillian: I was going to say imagine you’re Xena.

Jen: Xena Warrior Princess?

No, Xena the Phone Psychic. Yes! Xena! Aiii eeeeiiii aaiiii!

Gillian says, “Why not? She kicks ass! Plus, she’s powerful, confident, she doesn’t get nervous, she’s hot.”

You simply cannot argue with that logic. Plus, there’s the armor-plated bustier and wrist cuffs to end all wrist cuffs.

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