“Exes & Ohs” recap 203: “The Big ‘O'”


Previously: Jen tried to play the field but decided she just wants to play catch with Gillian. Kris started to feel like odd girl out when her mother made Chris her new BFF. And Sam’s new boss, Barry, gave her an ultimatum: get onboard or be left at the station. Broke as she is, Sam had no choice but to don a conductor’s cap.

When we catch up to our nerdy, nervous heroine, Jen is letting her freak flag fly with Gillian. They’re using Jen’s video camera to tape themselves in bed, making sexy time. They’re also doing things I’ve never seen before, and I’ve seen it all.

I don’t think the library is going to be able to lend those books out anymore.

After they’ve recorded themselves having sex and, I dunno, juggling? Jen and Gillian review the footage and conclude, yes! They are two hot mamas. The only thing left to decide is which one of them is Heidi Klum. Which, logically, makes the other one Seal. Gillian must be Heidi Klum, because when I think of Jen, the first words that come to mind are, “handsome, sexy-voiced black man.”

Later at the bar, the gang is enjoying Barry’s new Friday night for the gay boys, even though Barry moved lesbian night to Thursdays. The girls have shown up anyway, out of a sheer refusal to comply. Ain’t that the way with lesbians. You can try and turn a lesbian bar straight, but we’ll still show up. And run the pool table.

Jen wants to interview some guys for her documentary. Kris and Chris are out with Kris’s mother in tow, and Elizabeth is there to see Sam, who’s been so busy working two jobs, they haven’t had any quality time. Straight from her other job at Bunz, Sam is still wearing her hot dog uniform.

When Elizabeth grabs at Sam’s sweater, saying her shirt is too cute to cover up, Sam slaps her hand away. She doesn’t think anyone needs to see her Bunz, although many women would beg to differ.

Jen trots off to the ladies, taking her video camera with her. What? She doesn’t trust her closest friends? Well, Kris’s mom Sheila does look awful shady. Just look at her sitting there, nefariously knitting.

When Jen returns from the loo, Kris asks, “Don’t you need your camera?” Oops. Jen rushes back to the bathroom but it’s too late. The camera is gone! Sam assures her it’ll be OK, assuming her equipment’s insured, but Jen suddenly realizes she has much bigger problems – her crazy-ass sex tape was in the camera. Great. Now someone is going to find out about Jen’s weird umbrella fetish.

Jen enlists Devin’s help in getting her camera back. Somehow, the new girl seems to get sh-t done. After negotiating a finder’s fee, Devin goes about contacting her network of spies from the craigslist underground or whatever it is she does.

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