Ladies, ladies! Welcome to the implausible second season of The Real L Word, or as I like to call it, “I’m Ilene Chaiken and You’re Not.” Are you ready to dive into a brand-new season of vag-chasing, double-talking and drink-slamming? Of course you’re not. If you waited until you were ready, you’d never do it. It’s just like having a baby. A self-indulgent gay baby with no filter. Congratulations. It’s a girl.
Let’s take a look at this season’s cast.
Whitney: We know Whitney’s deal. Moving on.
Romi: Originally a secondary character who followed Whitney around in Season 1 hoping to be chosen, Romi is now a full-fledged cast member with a new girlfriend, a drinking problem and jewelry line.
Claire: Instead of bringing the show to New York City, NYC comes to the show when Claire moves to LA to launch a new lesbian website. (As you know, you simply can not manage a website from just anywhere.) Claire will also revisit her feelings for her ex, even though she has a perfectly good girlfriend at home.
Francine: Let’s give a slow clap for one of this season’s nods to diversity. As Claire’s aforementioned ex, Francine gets sucked into the processing vortex. Look for Francine’s mom to make an appearance so she can berate her about grad school and saving money. Oh, wait. That’s my mother.
Sajdah: You wanted butch? You wanted color? Sajdah is a twofer. She works at the LA Gay & Lesbian Center, which makes her an activist of sorts. Is that a threefer? Sajdah is a former femme who embraced her inner butch with both hands and now chases what she once was.
Cori and Kacy: Yes, they’re two distinct individuals, but they’ve been together for five years (15 in lesbian years) and they’re legally married. That makes them one adorable entity, which I’ve dubbed “Corcy.” Corcy wants to have a baby now. Watch them as they embark on a sperm scavenger hunt.
Welp, now you know all you need to know. Let’s do this.
We open on Whitney, who explains, “The lesbian wheel is my life. It’s lesbians, entering and exiting, and entering again, and exiting, in one constant flow.”
Isn’t that more like being stuck in a revolving door? Maybe she’s thinking of a hamster wheel.
No matter what else is happening in their awesome hamster lives, they keep jumping back onto the wheel, running like mad, and getting nowhere. That’s what happens when your brain is the size of a grape.
While at lunch together, Sara tells Whitney to stop fighting their undeniable attraction and “live in the moment.” Whitney has a lot of problems, but living in the moment isn’t one of them. In fact, living in the moment is what brought these two geniuses together, and what keeps them from moving on. Whitney looks at Sara and says woefully, “You just get under my—soul.” I don’t know where that is, but it sounds dusty. Try vacuuming once in a while.