“Hand aufs Herz” recap: Puppy Love


One thing you should know about me is I have a nearly impenetrable wall of favorite things. I mean, I like a lot of stuff. I even like like a lot of stuff. But there isn’t a lot of stuff that I love to the point where I want to wrap it in an affectionate embrace and fawn over it with reread after reread and rewatch after rewatch. Possessive, is how I am with my favorite things, and protective too. Pretty Little Liars? That’s about the gayest good time you can have without the presence of a unicorn, but like, stay over there with your costumes and tomfoolery and I’ll visit you at my leisure, you know? Naomily and Harry Potter need space to move freely over here in my Palace of Favorites.

And lo, this German telenova stands quietly to the side waiting patiently to be noticed. And even when I was persuaded to notice it, it’s not like I had an easy time tracking it down. Or understanding it. But sweetness and light, is how it filled up my heart and even when I could only find the episodes without subtitles, I watched and basked in the radiance of Jenny’s smile and the warmth of Emma’s confused affection.

I guard my favorites, you see. I don’t let just anything in. But something is happening to me with Hand aufs Herz, and when I dropped off two longtime fictional girlfriends to add Kasia Borek and Lucy Scherer to my Hot 100 list, even Dorothy Snarker raised her eyebrows. “It’s … sudden,” she said. And I wrapped my arms around them to protect them from her suspicious gaze: “Even the creator of the show thinks our HAH bond is destiny.” 

When last we left our Deutschland Lesben, Emma had convinced herself that her number one priority in life was to keep her lips attached to Jenny’s lips, until Timo caught her with her lips attached to Jenny’s lips, at which point Emma pushed off Jenny and did a little skit about, “How dare you, Madam!” Jenny asked her to be brave, waited for her to be brave, and when Emma couldn’t summon up her courage, Jenny deleted her number out of her mobile.

And so here we are.

STAG wants to go to Hamburg to compete in a chroal competition. If they win, they’ll get to preform with the cast of Sister Act in an actual Broadway musical. Sadly, STAG has lost its Rachel Berry. Actually, wait. Strike that. Reverse it. Next time Rachel quits on Glee, we’re going to say that New Directions lost its Luzi. What I mean is: STAG is without its star, and without its star, they don’t stand a chance. The group decides that Jenny could be their savior, and they convince Emma to ask her to join the group in Hamburg.

Two things are going to happen in this recap. Well, more than two things. But the two things you should look out for are: 1) The moment when Emma joins the cast of fictional characters in my Palace of Favorites. And 2) The moment when Jenny joins the cast of fictional characters in my Palace of Favorites.

Emma’s turn is … right now.

There’s something about Emma that I haven’t really been able to put my finger on, something heart-swellingly adorable, and this is the scene when I realized what that is. Emma is a puppy, just the cutest puppy in the whole of Europe, and she can’t decide whether to pledge her loyalty to Jenny and lick her face forever, or keep falling over her own feet while running for cover, because everything sounds like thunder when the world is brand new.

Emma is about to do one of my favorite-ever puppy things, and that thing is called “You Can’t See Me If I Can’t See You.” It’s how all dogs play Hide-And-Seek. My German Shepherd is nine years old, and she still thinks her whole body is hidden if she tucks her head under a pillow.

Emma follows Jenny through the school, pep talking herself the whole way about, “Ask her to go to Hamburg, don’t snog her face off. Ask her to go to Hamburg, don’t snog her face off.” When Jenny looks up and sees her, Emma just, like, turns around and stands still. Like some kind of statue. Jenny looks away and Emma creeps closer. Jenny looks up and — BOOM! — shifty eyes, statue. The third time it happens, Emma ducks behind a wooden pillar and Jenny comes around the other side, all, “Seriously, Em?” 

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