First, a big thank you to Dara Nai for covering for me last week. Your comments indicate that you greatly enjoyed her recap and didn’t miss me at all.
Welcome to the highly anticipated Grey’s Anatomy “White Wedding” episode (aka “Calzona is finally getting hitched!” aka “I really wish I was invited to this wedding and that this show wasn’t make-believe”).
The episode starts off at Meredith’s dinner table. Derek discusses his excitement about his Alzheimer’s clinical trial and Alex stares at Meredith, giving her a knowing look that says, “I know you switched Adele Webber’s Alzheimer’s placebo drugs for an active drug” with only his eyes. Alex is truly a method actor.
Then we join the Calzona-Sloane family (already in progress) as they sit down to celebrate Callie and Arizona’s upcoming nuptials. Mark clinks his glass to make a toast and Arizona’s father (who insists on being referred to as “The Colonel”) shouts out, “Why is the sperm donor here? I thought tonight was a family dinner.” Arizona hushes her dad but, come on, who hasn’t heard that exact sentence yelled out at a family function? Anyone? Bueller?
Mark ignores the heckling crowd (even though I flashed him the red light five minutes ago) and continues to toast “the mothers of my child.” They all dig in and Callie abruptly stops them so they can say grace and appease Callie’s religious mother. This family needs a spin-off! Mark gnaws on a breadstick as Callie’s mother gives the blessing. (Hey Mark, you’re not really making the best impression here. Spit out the breadstick, jackass!)
Little Sofia cries so Callie jumps up to get her. When a smiling Callie returns with the baby in her arms Arizona’s mother runs over to hold Sofia, while Callie’s mother won’t touch or acknowledge the child. Callie’s mother says she doesn’t want to hold the baby because she’s still eating. To be fair, if you were really hungry would you rather hold a fork in your hand or a baby? (That’s a trick question for Hannibal Lecter.)
At Seattle Grace, Alex gives a presentation to the entire staff on the medical status of the African children who were transferred to the hospital last episode. While Alex speaks, the remaining Residents bicker about who wants the Chief Resident position the most. Alex finishes up his speech with a “humble” thank you to the staff, who applaud his work. Avery crosses his arms and refuses to make noise with his phalanges.
Derek and Alex check in on a little crying orphan girl named Zola who has spina bifida. Derek holds Zola and she immediately stops crying. They don’t call him McDreamy for nothing!
Teddy and Arizona have a young patient with a rare heart condition whose heart is literally visibly pumping out from his chest. I hate when that happens.
Cristina’s eyes widen and she begins to drool like Pavlov’s dog. She wants in on this surgery, so she tracks down Owen (who is working with a patient who I’m sure doesn’t want to hear Cristina’s problems) for counsel. Cristina pleads that she need advice on how to get back in Teddy’s good graces. Owen tells Cristina that she needs to apologize to Teddy, but stubborn Cristina quips, “Apologize for what? For having better judgment than Teddy? For saving Callie’s life? There is a wedding tomorrow because of me!” Owen’s patient pipes in, “Your apology could use some work.” Back off, dude, you don’t want to mess with Cristina Yang!
Owen, Stark and April are tending to a young girl with AIDS who doesn’t speak English. April tries to communicate with the girl by speaking in the girl’s native tongue and a scorned Stark scolds April in front of Owen for practicing her dialects instead of being an efficient doctor.
Cristina joins up with Teddy in the elevator and, after an awkward pause, she gives him the most insincere apology I’ve ever heard. Teddy calls her out and asks if Cristina really means her apology or if she just wants to get back on her service. Cristina responds, “Does it really matter?” Teddy and I both agree that “Yes, it matters.” Cristina really does need to work on her apologies.
Back at the Calzona camp, the families gather together to do a run through of the wedding service. Callie’s mother groans at the idea of a minister performing the service instead of a Catholic priest but Callie reassures her mother that the service will be held in an old and drafty churchy church. (Callie’s mom should be happy because a churchy church is better than being married in a chapel made of ice or inside a 120,000-gallon shark tank.)
Mark storms in (why don’t Callie and Arizona ever lock their front door?) and asks where he should stand during the service. The Colonel looks pissed that the “sperm donor” has once again crashed the family party. To ease the tension, Callie’s father tells Mark that he can stand by him. Mark stands next to Callie’s dad and whispers, “At least one of my fathers-in-law likes me.” Callie’s dad responds, “You’re Sofia’s father, I love Sofia so I’m at least going to try and like you. But if you call me your father-in-law again I’ll knock you out.” (Mark, the red light is flashing, get off the stage before they start throwing tomatoes at you!)