“The Amazing Race” recap (18.10): “Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen”

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This episode begins at the base of the Matterhorn, a mildly phallic looking mountain in Switzerland that was also recreated as an amusement park ride in Disneyland. Five teams remain in the scramble around the world for a second chance at a million dollars. So far, the teams have endured wading around in frigid mud pits and cow manure, but the viewers have endured something even more appalling: Kent and Vyxsin’s constant high-pitched histrionics and toddler-like tantrums. It almost makes us want Ron back.

As snow swirls around them, the teams head to a heli-pad to be airlifted to the detour challenge. Zev and Justin are the first team to take off, with Jen and Kisha close behind.

The squabbling Goths, as usual, intend to go through the entire leg with a good attitude. In fact, they even put on extra glitter to match the snow. The extra shine isn’t enough, as the Goths soon revert back to their usual antics when they have trouble hailing a cab. “Stay positive!” pleads Vyxsin. Kent responds that punching someone would be a positive development. So much for having a good attitude.

The choices at the detour are “Search” or “Rescue.” In “Search” a team would be required to find a fake dead body buried in the show and dig it out. In “Rescue” a team would be required to rappel down a crevice to fake-save a real live body trapped inside. Kisha and Jen, the Globetrotters and the Goths choose “Rescue” and the other two teams choose “Search.” During the “Rescue” challenge, as Kent is lowered into the crevice looking like an emaciated version of The Fly, the Goths continue to verbally abuse one another. Kent shrieks at Vyxsin from below. First, “Down! Down!” Then “Stop! Pull me back up!” Dude, make up your mind. Then the piercing squeal heard ‘round the world: “Stoppppppppp!” No kidding. The viewers are thinking the same thing. Stop this madness. Stop the Goths. Someone should have just cut the cord and let Kent fall into Middle Earth.

Kisha and Jen, the tiresome Goths, the Globetrotters and Gary and Mallory manage to finish their tasks and get on the same train. The dream team of this season, Zev and Justin, are still digging around in the snow in an attempt to find the dummy.

The next excuse for product placement challenge was to create a replica of the Travelocity Roaming Gnome out of Swiss Chocolate.

The Goths and the Globetrotters get into spat, because Vyxsin manages to make off with one of the Globetrotters’ candy molds. Big Easy tells her that karma was going to come back to her, and Kent starts yelling in his nasally high-pitched voice, and America collectively plugs its ears. Fortunately, his desire to punch someone never manifests itself into action, because punching someone a foot taller and a hundred pounds heavier than you is never a good idea. Nevertheless, the Goths and the Globetrotters are the first two teams to finish the challenge, and they race off to the pit stop.

Just as viewers across the country painfully accept that the Goths are making it to the finale, karma strikes. They miss the part of the clue that says they have to arrive at the pit stop on foot. The Globetrotters arrive first, Kisha and Jen second, the Goths third. But since the Goths arrive by cab, they are slapped with a thirty minute penalty. Gary and Mallory arrive and are catapulted to third. We see the Goths descend into civil war and anarchy one last time, before mirabile dictu!, Zev and Justin round the corner to take the fourth place spot, and the Goths are history. Rejoice!

Next week, the winner of this season will be determined. Who do you think will win it all?

The Amazing Race airs Sundays on CBS.

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