It’s the biggest Glee
ever – 90 minutes of pure gay goodness. That’s right; for those who thought I
was too hard on last week’s forgettable episode “Night of Neglect,”
get ready to see the fangirl side of me.
In the first scene, Mr. Schue correctly observes that his
little band of ragtag songbirds may have won at Regionals with their singing,
but when it comes to dancing, “Vocal Adrenaline takes no prisoners.” Time,
he says, for “booty camp.”
The glee kids take to their dance practice with enthusiasm,
Finn so much so his wildly swinging arm hits Rachel and breaks her nose.
Rachel’s family doctor suggests she take advantage of the
break to have her deviated septum repaired and to do a little “vanity
adjustment” at the same time. “It’s like a rite of passage for Jewish
girls,” he tells her.
Besides, he adds, it might make her voice better by allowing
her to take in more air.
“But… Barbra…” Rachel stammers.
“Is great,” the doctor says. “She’s also one
in a million.”
Rachel tells the Glee Club that she’s considering having her
deviated septum repaired, but both Santana and Quinn call it what it is: a nose
Mr. Schue is all teacher-y and wise, but Santana cuts to
(her version of) the truth. “I hear that Rachel’s got a bit of a schnozz.
I wouldn’t know, because like Medusa, I try to avoid eye contact with her. But
can we all stop lying for a minute about there not being things we wouldn’t
like changing about ourselves?”
Finn looks bewildered, but she goes on. “I mean, I’m
sure Sam‘s been at the doctor’s office and rifled through pamphlets on mouth
reduction. I’ll bet Artie‘s thought about getting his legs removed, since he’s
not really using them anyways. And I’m definitely sure that Tina‘s looked into
getting an eye de-slanting.”
Tina tells her that’s racist and she loves how she looks,
and Mike frowns. “Is that why you’re wearing blue contacts today, Tina?
She sputters she’s just trying to be fashionable, and Finn
admits his dancing kind of bothers him, especially since he nearly killed
Rachel. Santana tells us more than we ever wanted to know about Finn’s strange
nipples, prompting Sam to try to check them out and Quinn to rest a consoling
hand on his shoulder.
Santana says her philosophy is that if you see something in
the mirror that you don’t like, you should change it. Will is pretty upset by
this, and assures the kids that the very things they don’t like about
themselves are the things that make them the most interesting.
“Well, maybe,” says Mercedes. “But at this
school, the thing that makes you different is the thing that people use to
crush your spirit.”
Will hasn’t convinced anyone, so he goes to Emma for advice.
But instead, he engages her in a slightly confrontational discussion of her
OCD. She doesn’t want to change, though. “I may not have been born this
way,” she said. “But this is my lot in life. And there’s nothing I
can do about it.”
Meanwhile in the halls of McKinley, Santana is thinking
about how much she wants to get Brittany
back as she defaces Quinn and Finn’s prom queen/king campaign posters.
“I should be prom queen at this school,” she
mentally voice-overs. “If I were prom queen I could get Brittany to drop the four-eyed loser and go
for the real queen. She’s so gullible I could convince her that by royal decree
I made her being with me the law of the land. But that’s never gonna happen; I
don’t have the votes. Unless… I could get the jock block.”
Sam walks by, doing his Sean Connery impersonation, and
Santana says (in her own head only) that he doesn’t have “the juice”
at McKinley yet.