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“Glee” Episode 212 Recap: Stalker at the Gap

After weeks and weeks of no Glee, we now have a kind of Glee overload: two episodes, two days apart. And those two episodes could hardly be more different from each other.

The Valentine’s Day episode focused almost entirely on the glee kids. Sue wasn’t in the episode at all; neither was Principal Figgins. There continued to be no Emma, and while Mr. Schuester and Coach Beiste had a couple of scenes, they amounted to nothing but some fast humor. This was all about the kids.

We start out with Puck in a mental voice-over in which he acknowledges he’s not exactly a mental giant, but he has learned two lessons in life, which are: “Never punch a cop, and you can’t choose love; love chooses you.” Seems our Noah has fallen in love with the awesome Lauren Zizes, and who can blame him? I fell for her myself last week. Who knew I had a thing for women in football uniforms? But I digress.

Because, you see, Lauren’s not interested. It turns out the “seven minutes in heaven” with Puck she bargained her Glee Club membership on turned out to be a dud for her. And she’s not digging his mournful gaze on her in class much, either, telling him, “Stare at me again, and I’ll break your nuts.”

And in true Puck form, the more she rejects him, the more he wants her.

Next we get to hear Finn‘s thoughts as he struts and swaggers down the halls of McKinley High while everyone gazes at him worshipfully now that he’s led the Titans to the first conference championship in the school’s history. That’s our Finn, in his own mental voiceover words, “Walking taller and carrying a bigger stick — and using it to fight off the ladies.”

Even Becky Jackson‘s fallen for him, and gives him a Valentine’s heart.

But the only girl he wants, his thoughts tell us, is Quinn. Maybe, he thinks, he couldn’t make things work with Rachel because he’s still in love with Quinn. And then the “big stick” rears its ugly head and he says… er, thinks… that he could get her away from Sam if only he could get her to kiss him. And I’m thinking, wait. Didn’t you guys kiss at the end of the last episode just two days ago? Didn’t work then, why is it going to all of a sudden work now?

Cut away to Starbucks, or its Glee-verse equivalent. It’s all decorated for Valentine’s Day, and Kurt is regarding two stuffed kissing dogs with horror. And in my best mental voiceover I say in my own head, “Oh, expressive acting face of Chris Colfer, how I have missed you!”

He’s with Blaine, and he asks him, “What is this supposed to be?”

Blaine is mystified by Kurt’s attitude. “It’s clearly puppy love. It’s cute.”

Just like the bitchin’ little atheistic rebel we know he is, Kurt sniffs that Valentine’s Day is just an excuse to sell candy and greeting cards.

Blaine feels differently, and says it’s his favorite holiday. And then he asks Kurt to help him because there’s a guy he likes, and does Kurt think it’s silly to sing to someone on Valentine’s Day? Just as he asks his question, the barista asks him for his order, and he promptly responds, “A medium drip coffee and a grande nonfat mocha for this guy, and maybe I could get him to split one of those cupid cookies…”

“You know my coffee order?” Kurt asks, wonder dancing across his face.

“Of course I do.” And when Kurt reaches for his wallet, he adds, “Don’t even bother dummy. It’s on me.” (I listened to that twice to be sure he said “dummy,” which I tend not to think of as a term of endearment.)

But our Kurt is fine with it. “I do believe I have a new favorite holiday,” he says to no one in particular. Or maybe it was the barista.

Now, I’m totally sure at this moment that Blaine’s love is not Kurt. So I’m going to confess something to you: I fast-forwarded through this thing to find out what happens, because that’s how much I didn’t want to see Kurt crushed. I just couldn’t stand it. Honestly, what am I, in high school?

But for purposes of this recap, we’ll go back to the actual timeline of the episode. You can always scroll down if you can’t stand to wait.

In the choir room, Mr Shu draws big heart and the word “love,” and says — and pay attention because this is almost the only thing he says all night — “I have one word for you…”

Brittany is all excited because she thinks she knows, and says, “Is it love?”

Of course, it is. I mean, there’s a valuable word clue. And she’s very happy, because “I’m totally going to graduate now!” Then she ruins my night by hugging Artie. I’d briefly forgotten they were still together. See, I believe Brad Falchuk’s promise that “Brittana is on. Brittana was always on.” I do. Na na na I can’t hear you.

The Valentine’s Day assignment for Glee Club is for each person to partner up with someone and pick the song that sums up what love is to them. It’s interesting that although Brittany is still wrapped around Artie, when Mr. Schu mentions pairing up and singing together, she looks at Santana. Which reminds me, at least, of the last duet conversation those two had. In bed.

Puck looks at Lauren, who ignores him.

Then Finn takes the floor, explaining that he attributes the fact that no one in Glee Club has been slusheed for a whole week to his football victory. And just like other famous athletes, Finn wants to donate to a charity: “You guys.” He’s going to set up a kissing booth and donate the proceeds to the Glee Club.

There are a lot of close-ups of Santana in this scene. I approve. And while her style is very different than Chris Colfer’s, Naya Rivera can do a helluva lot with her face, too.

Mercedes tells Finn to not “even act like you’re trying to help Glee Club; you just want to kiss a bunch of girls.”

Santana snorts and says, “I’ve kissed him. And let me just say, not worth a buck. I would, however, pay a hundred dollars to jiggle one of his man boobs.”

Finn glares. “Do you get tired of tearing other people down?”

She shrugs him off. “No, not really.”

Finn accuses her of always getting into other people’s business, and she says, “Oh, please. You guys love me. I keep it real, and I’m hilarious.”

“Actually, you’re just a bitch,” Lauren says.

Miss Santana says Lauren just has “eyes for my man,” and Puck is all, whoa, “First of all, I’m not your man.”

“And Finn is right; all you ever do is insult us,” says Quinn, still feeling the sting of that whole “lizard baby” thing.

Tina piles on, too, and says Santana told her Mr. Schu should be in a 12-step program.

“What?” says Will.

“You’re addicted to vests,” Santana explains.

Rachel‘s had enough. “The truth is Santana, you can dish it out but you can’t take it.”

Santana looks at Brittany, but Rachel goes on. “Maybe you’re right, maybe I am destined to play the title role in the Broadway version of ‘Willow,’ but the only job you’re going to have is working on a pole.”

And now Santana’s had enough, and walks out. Brittany apparently follows her, because in the next scene, Santana’s bawling her eyes out while Brittany strokes her hair.

Artie who?

“You could try rocking back and forth,” Brittany offers. “People do that in movies.”

“No. (SOB) Because I just try (SOB) to be really, really honest with people when I think that they suck. You know?”

Brittany nods, “Yeah,” and touches her back consolingly.

Lauren walks by, heading for Puck. She tells him she isn’t grateful he stood up for her because it makes it look like she needs someone to stand up for her.

Puck falls all over himself to assure her she’s all kinds of tough.

“That’s true.”

He invites her to Breadstix for Valentine’s Day. She smiles disbelievingly and asks if he really thinks it’s that easy. “I’m not desperate, so if you really want this, you best come correct. Because I spell woman Z-i-z-e-s. And I need to be wooed. Understand me? Wooed.”

She walks off. He follows with his eyes and reverently murmurs, “Damn.”

Apparently I’m slow, because I only now realized that every single plotline in this episode is going to be about romance. I think I finally got it when the camera did a close-up on what Kurt is doodling in his notebook over at Dalton Academy: “Blaine and Kurt” inside a heart with an arrow through it. Oh yes, young Mr. Hummel went there.

Then he slams his notebook shut when Blaine walks up and asks what he’s doing.

“Nothing,” he says. “Daydreaming, planning weekend outfits.”

Blaine says he’s called emergency meeting of Warblers Council, which is, by the way, the biggest bunch of dorks I’ve ever seen. I say that with love.

The chief Warbler calls on “junior member Blaine Anderson.” Is this first time we’ve heard his last name? And if he’s a junior member, how come he is the only one who ever gets to sing lead? Just asking.

Anyway, in another of the scenes of gritty realism for which Glee is so famous, Blaine lets his fellow Warblers know he’s in love, and needs their help in serenading his chosen guy — off campus.

All the Warblers freak out. Even the little canary in the cage freaks out. And the head Warbler explains why: “The Warblers haven’t performed in an informal setting since 1927, when the Spirit of St. Louis overshot the tarmac and plowed through seven Warblers during an impromptu performance of ‘Welcome to Ohio, Lucky Lindy.'”

That explains so much.

Blaine says he thinks their reticence to perform almost cost them a trip to Regionals, and says, “We’re becoming privileged porcelain birds on a gilded shelf.” (Porcelain — isn’t that Kurt’s nickname now?)

Then someone says, “You mock us, sir.” I don’t know who, because my eyes are covered. You’re just lucky I forced myself to watch this part at all. Or unlucky.

Kurt’s been giving Blaine adoring looks while he’s been making his case to the Warbler Council, and now he raises his hand. “May I please say something?”

I do not like Kurt having to ask permission to speak. I wanted to go on record about that.

“With respect, I believe Blaine has a point. The Warblers are so concerned with image and tradition that sometimes I think we miss out on opportunities to step outside our comfort zones.” He says when he was in New Directions, “We performed in front of hostile crowds pretty much anywhere we went. Mattress stores, shopping malls — I had a cat thrown at me in a nursing home once. But it gave us confidence. It kept us loose.”

The guys are nodding thoughtfully, and Blaine looks very pleased.

The Chief Warbler asks where this serenade would take place, and Blaine says the Gap store at a local mall. He’s going to call it the “Warblers Gap Attack.”

“Why the Gap?” asks Kurt.

“Because the guy that I like is the junior manager.”

You know what, Blaine? Me and my friend Lauren are gonna get you.

But our Kurt is not crushed. He does not fall apart. He doesn’t take it personally and he doesn’t blame himself. No, he gets in his jammies and has a sleepover with his fellow divas Rachel and Mercedes. They eat pizza and do each other’s hair, and the girls quiz him about what happened.

They ask if Blaine ever said they were dating, or put the moves on him. Kurt says said no, but that they were “always singing duets and he was always smiling at me… Oh god. I made up the whole thing up in my head, didn’t I?” (Note: No, Kurt, actually you didn’t.)

Yes, Kurt seems kind of upset, but in what I’d call an appropriate and kind of adorable way. (And yeah, if you don’t like Kurt, most likely you hate my recaps. Sorry about that.)

Then the three of them resolve to be strong, single, independent divas like their idols Whitney, Barbra, and Miss Patti Lupone.

“They all become stars while they were single,” Mercedes says. “They took all the pain and loneliness and put it into their music. People could relate to it. Everybody feels lonely. Harnessing this pain is why they became legends.”

Rachel is awestruck. “Why has this never occurred to me?”

Mercedes wisely says they all need to fly solo for a while, and Kurt says, “It’s so nice to be around girls for a change,” and we have a cute group hug.

Back in the choir room, Puck and the glee guys sing Queen’s “Fat Bottomed Girls.” To Lauren. While Santana has a complete breakdown and everyone else seems kind of confused. At one point, Lauren takes off her glasses.

I actually like this song, and the guys do a great job with it. But that’s not to say I don’t see all kinds of problems with the message in this song as well. And Lauren? She does not look happy. Well, for a second she does. Or is she shocked?

Then Brittany and Mike are dancing, which makes most things much more enjoyable. But at the end, Santana comes down and gives the evil eye sign to Puck and then Lauren, and leaves the room.

Puck goes over to Lauren and asks what she thought. He says he knows she’s “on the heavier side,” but says he’s kind of into it.

Lauren somehow manages to resist his almost immeasurable charm. “That was the first time anyone ever sang me a love song, and it made me feel like crap.”

And I, in my infinite shallowness, notice that she has awesomely beautiful eyes. (Should I say something about Puck’s arms now, to make sure I have gay boy parity in this recap? Consider it said.)

Meanwhile, back at Finn’s kissing booth… Becky shows up with her dollar, and he kisses her cheek. There’s a long line, but he tells the girls he has to take an oral hygiene break. That’s when Quinn shows up and says she knows he’s just doing this to get her to kiss him (true), and he says it’s too bad she’s too uptight to spend a buck for a cause like the Glee Club.

“What are you so afraid of?” he asks her, very much like a sick manipulative creep.

She, however, has a good answer: “Leading you on. Hurting my boyfriend.”

Finn continues with his creepy guy thing, getting right in her face and saying, “Tell me you don’t want to kiss me right now.”

She looks like she’s about to cry, says, “I can’t do this,” and leaves. What an asshole you are, Finn.

Turns out Sam saw, and he confronts her in the library. He says that it’s odd she hasn’t kissed Finn at his booth — must be because she likes being the queen bee, and being with Finn will put her up there. What an asshole you are, Sam.

However, for reasons I can’t comprehend right now, the girls keep flocking to the kissing booth. Even Rachel, who tells Finn she’s over him and realized she’s better off without anyone. He kisses her cheek, and she explodes that a peck on the cheek isn’t worth a dollar.

Finn tells her he knew she wasn’t over him, and she says, “Okay, fine, I still love you. Is that what you want to hear? Why can’t you just forgive me?”

“You cheated on me.”

“What does that mean, that I was stupid, that I was angry? I don’t care about Puck. I don’t care about anybody but you.”

In somewhat of a non sequitur, he gives her the wrapped Christmas present he never gave her because they broke up. It’s a gold star necklace.

Finn puts it on her, and says he thinks she’s right about wanting to be alone for a while. “You’re better than anyone else at the school. You’re a star. You need to shine. Just because I can’t be with you, doesn’t mean I don’t believe in you.”

That was kind of nice, even if I don’t quite understand where it came from.

You know how in the last episode I felt like they just dropped the “Bills Bills Bills” number in out of nowhere? That’s how I feel about the next song (wait; is this the first song of the episode? Is that possible?), Mike and Artie singing Michael Jackson’s “PYT (Pretty Young Thing).”

Not even Mike’s dancing can save it, especially when they run into Brittany and Tina in the hall, and the girls gaze on adoringly and skip after the guys, when it morphs into their “love song” performance in the choir room. Yes, Brittany’s suspenders are adorable in this scene, but not adorable enough to make up for the way Artie’s hair has been Bieberized. It’s bad enough on Sam. On Artie it’s downright scary.

At the end of the song, Brittany sits in Artie’s lap and Mike and Tina kiss.

Refreshingly, Santana tries to get Puck back by telling him he can reimburse her for the necklace she bought herself, and take her to Breadstix for Valentine’s Day. She says she gets that he thinks she’s a bitch, but she can change. For instance, she’s not going to tell Lauren to be careful of poachers who might mistake her for the endangered white rhino.

At which point Lauren, who had just come up behind her, says, “I heard that. Don’t make me rip that weave out your head.”

Puck: “This is not going to be good.”

“Hello, Lauren,” the New Santana says. “You are a beautiful person. Now get out of my way before I end you.”

That’s my girl.

Santana says she’s from a part of town called Lima Heights adjacent, i.e., the wrong side of the tracks. Then they get into a massive bitch fight — in slow motion, which is awesome — and Santana is utterly defeated. Coach Beiste actually has to pick her up off the floor.

As the coach carries her off, Santana screams, hair flying, “That’s how we do it in Lima Heights!”

Coach Beiste says, “Let me get you to the nurse.”

Last week I fell in love with Lauren and Coach Beiste, and now what might have normally killed me — Santana in defeat, over Puck yet! — kind of gave me a thrill. Oh, Glee, what are you doing to me?

“Oh god,” Puck says to Lauren. “Please go out with me. Please.”

Lauren takes her glasses back from him. “You make a formal presentation, and I’ll consider it.” She saunters off triumphantly.

Back at the kissing booth, Quinn shows up with her dollar. And Sam.

Finn gives Sam a look and says, “Pervert.”

Sam says, “I prefer chaperone and also, boyfriend.”

Finn and Quinn kiss. There are fireworks. She pretends to feel nothing, but runs back and tells Finn to meet her in the auditorium later.

Okay, you all saw the Gap thing leaked, right? You’re not really going to expect me to tell you about Blaine singing to someone other than Kurt? Especially a guy who… well, we’ll let Kurt explain.

“Hmmm,” says Kurt thoughtfully when Blaine points out the object of his affection. “I can see the appeal. That’s quite a head of hair.”

“His name’s Jeremiah. If we got married, the Gap would give me a fifty percent discount.”

Kurt treats that remark with the amused disdain it deserves, without saying a word.

Blaine admits he and Jeremiah haven’t even gone out on a date, and Kurt rolls his eyes. “Okay, man up. You’re amazing. He’s gonna love you.”

Go ahead, take my Gleek card away; I couldn’t watch this. I know what happened, I just didn’t want to see it. Blaine sings to him, the guy seems kind of freaked out, it ends. Maybe some nice person who is stronger than I am can recap this part in the comments.

After the serenade, Blaine and Kurt are sitting outside on a bench. Blaine is hyperventilating. “Was it too much?”

Kurt gives him the Best. Look. Ever. but says nothing.

“Yeah, it was too much,” Blaine says miserably.

Jeremiah comes outside and says Blaine’s little “flash mob” serenade got him fired. He says his boss didn’t like it — and neither did he. First of all, because no one at work knows he’s gay.

Kurt breaks in. “May I be honest? Just with the hair, I think they do.”

Jeremiah ignores him, and tells Blaine that they aren’t dating, and if they were he’d get arrested because Blaine is underage. (He’s obviously never seen Queer as Folk.)

Back in choir room, everyone is paired up — except Santana. Now we get her mental voice-over: “Oh, gross. How is this possible? I’m the hottest piece of action at this school, and here I am on Valentine’s, single. Whatever. I’ll just marry an NFL player. They’re super-reliable.”

Then she notices Quinn and Finn giving each other strange looks and realizes there’s something going on. So she hatches a plot: “I think it’s time to do what Santana does best: revenge.”

Santana, who it turns out volunteers at her local hospital, slips into a “naughty candy striper” outfit and offers to help out the school nurse — by kissing a student with mono. “Giving back is so important,” she purrs.

Then she trots back to the kissing booth with her mouthful of mononucleosis to share with Finn. (Santana is immune because she’s “had mono so many times it’s turned into stereo.”)

The next scene finds Puck in unfamiliar territory. “What… what is this place?” he asks Lauren.

“It’s the library,” she says.

Puck’s there to make his case, but Lauren says she doesn’t think he’s “ready for this jelly.” “Where is the envelope of cash? Where’s the muffin basket?”

“I sang to you,” he says.

“An offensive song,” she points out.

He says “You look … how you look. And I’m embracing it. It turns me on.”

She’s not impressed. “I look how America looks, and like America, I need more than a song to get my juices flowing.”

Then Puck whips out a big red toy ring, goes down on one knee, and invites her out on a “pre-date” to Breadstix.

“I like your style, Puckerman,” she says. “I dine at 8. Now get out of here before I change my mind.”

You know, this episode may have used up my entire year’s supply of romanticism. It’s wearing me out.

Finn and Quinn meet up on the auditorium stage. I assumed they were going to sing a duet, but instead, Quinn’s acting all wise and complex, which is the side of Quinn I’ve always liked the most — remember last season, when she helped Mercedes with her starvation issues? And when she sang the blues? Sigh.

Anyway, back to now. “You realize this makes me a cheater, the thing that hurt you so badly that it made you break up with me and Rachel,” she says to Finn.

Finn says that what hurt him about Quinn and Rachel cheating on him was that it proved they didn’t love him enough not to hurt him, and since she doesn’t love Sam, it’s not the same.

She says she thinks she does love Sam, and wonders if you can love two people at the same time.

“Yeah, totally,” he says — but she still has to choose.

Quinn stands up to him and says she’s not willing to choose until she’s sure about her feelings for Sam — and then they kiss.

We ricochet back to the coffee place, where Kurt and Blaine are in line. Blaine’s now turned into a cynic, and sneers at the Valentine’s Day decorations he’d loved before.

“I don’t think I’ve EVER made that big a fool of myself, which is really saying something, because I’ve performed at theme parks,” he says. “I just can’t believe I made it all up in my head.”

And Kurt, bless his strong little heart, lays it on the line. “You and I, we hang out, we sing flirty duets together, you know my coffee order,” he says. “Was I supposed to think that was nothing?”

Blaine, who apparently is not very bright, says, “What do you mean?’

Kurt does a lot of talking in the rest of the scene, and it’s witty and smart and I love it. But his face says more than his words ever could. “I thought the guy you wanted to ask out on Valentine’s Day was me,” he tells Blaine.

Blaine is gobsmacked. “Wow. I really am clueless. Look, Kurt, I don’t know what I’m doing. I pretend like I do, and I know how to act it out in song, but the truth is, I’ve never really been anyone’s boyfriend.”

“Me, neither.”

“Let me be really clear about something. I really, really care about you. But as you and about 20 mortified shoppers saw, I’m not very good at romance. I don’t want to screw this up.”

“So it’s just like ‘When Harry Met Sally’… but I get to play Meg Ryan.”

“Deal.” Then Blake pauses. “Don’t they get together in the end?”

Kurt gives a little smile and steps up to the counter. “Could I get a non-fat mocha, and a medium drip for my friend Billy Crystal?”

Blaine looks at him almost tenderly. “Ah. You know my coffee order.”

Then Kurt’s eyes sparkle and wrinkle up adorably, and he says, “You know what? I think I’ve got something for us to do on Valentine’s Day.”

So, that was our Valentine’s Day Klaine. I think it was pretty clear that our boys are going to give it a try. I’m not sure how Blaine went from, “Huh?” to “I don’t want to screw this up,” in one conversation, but maybe it’s a teenager thing. Or maybe it’s just bad writing. But I’ve decided to do my best Natalie Wood impersonation for them like I’m doing it for Brittana, and chant, “I believe. I believe. It’s stupid but I believe.”

Now for another shot of bitter to dilute all the sweet: Lauren’s stood Puck up. He’s consoling himself by making out with the waitress, says she’s turned on by losers because her dad’s a drug addict.

The next day, Finn gets up in front of the Glee Club and announces he’s kissed every girl in the school and raised $324 — enough to pay for half the ticket to Nationals. (Wait, they haven’t even gone to Regionals yet.)

There’s a lot going on in the choir room in this scene. Finn and Quinn are sick, and Brittany and Artie are holding hands. Then Tina has a complete sobbing breakdown while singing “My Funny Valentine,” and I hope it’s because she’s still in love with Artie, for the simple reason that if he and Brittany don’t break up soon I’m going to die.

When Tina falls to the floor crying, Mike goes to comfort her. Mr. Schuester says, “Wow. That was powerful. Almost too powerful.”

Finn and Quinn both announce they’re sick and have to go to the nurse, and Santana connects the dots for everyone. Mono, she says, is the kissing disease — spread especially well by a little tongue action.

When Finn and Quinn are lying side by side in the nurse’s office, Quinn says, “I’ve cheated twice in my life. The first time I got pregnant, the second time I got mono. I think the universe is trying to tell me something.”

Then she tells Finn nothing’s going to happen between them until she figures things out with Sam, and he figures things out with Rachel. She says that when he’s not staring at her, he’s staring at Rachel — but I kind of think she’s wrong about that.

When Puck confronts Lauren about standing him up, she simply acts like she forgot.

“Look,” he says, frustrated, “I understand you’ve been hurt by guys, but you’ve got to understand, I’m not like that.”

She lifts one beautiful eyebrow. “Well, A, you got a girl pregnant last year so yeah, ya are. And B, what makes you think guys treat me badly? I can take care of myself.”

“That’s what I like about you. I’m not into you because you have curves. What I like is that you’re a girl who’s an even bigger bad ass than me.”

Finally, he’s said something she likes. “Can I be honest with you?” she says, rhetorically, I presume. “I like you. I used to think you were smokin’, but a lot of that had to do with the fact that I thought you were mixed-race and that never fails to get me going. Here’s the thing, Puckerman. I’m not just looking for somebody to fool around with. So if you’re really into me, you’ve gotta take it slow.”

He agrees to give that a try, and they make a date to go out on Valentine’s Day, but just as friends.

Rachel, who is still all mopey over Finn despite all the pep talks about independence and flying solo, wanders in and puts a cool cloth on Finn’s head, where he’s now alone in the nurse’s office, waiting for his mom.

Rachel mewls around about how she’s not as pretty as Quinn, and Finn’s annoyed. “Would you stop? You’re beautiful.”

Rachel asks, “Did you kiss her, like Santana said?”

He says he did, but just because he needed to get it out of his system. Rachel asks what it felt like, and when he says, “Fireworks,” she asks if he felt them when he kissed her. He doesn’t answer.

Rachel takes it in stride, thanking him for setting her free to pursue her dreams. She sings Kate Perry’s “Firework,” a song I’ve never liked but loved wildly when Rachel sang it. It’s one of those numbers where she’s singing it as she walks through halls of the school, and then she’s in the choir room singing it with Tina, Lauren, Brittany and even Santana, and then on stage, and then back in the halls, and on and on. I love when they do that.

Okay, the love fest is almost at an end. The whole gang’s at Breadstix, Santana by herself, Brittany with Artie, Puck with Lauren (but as friends, as she keeps snapping her hand away when he tries to take it), Rachel with Mercedes, Tina and Mike, and Sam either alone or with Quinn — was she there?

Kurt’s there with the Warblers, and he takes the mike and welcomes everyone to the “first annual lonely hearts dinner.”

“Whether you are single with hope, or madly in love and are just here because I forced you to come out and support me, sit back and enjoy! And to all the singles out there, this is our year.”

Then the Warblers — with Blaine as ever in the lead, even here in Kurt’s home territory — sing the puke-tastic “Silly Love Songs,” a Paul McCartney and Wings number so banal, so saccharine, so cutesy, that I’d actually suppressed all memory of its existence until Blaine started singing.

The Warblers are actually pretty cute in this number, with some of the guys flirting and dancing with Santana. They sing to Puck, “Love doesn’t come in a minute,” and then to Santana, “Sometimes it doesn’t come at all.” And then Kurt makes a totally adorable move, shaping a heart with his hands, over to Rachel and Mercedes. Best moment of the show.

Then Santana makes eyes at Sam and waves at him, and he perks up, and I just give up. The end.

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