“Coronation Street” recap: Wallowing Around in Sin

When last we left our Mancunian lezzers, they were hopped up on love and lust and WKD, a British beverage I now know can be replicated with vodka, Blue Curacao and Sprite. (It’s surprisingly tastsy!) Emboldened by the heady combination of Sian’s lips and poisonous blueberries, Sophie asked Sian if she’d like to stay over for a little hanky panky. Sian, of course, said yes. Well, she nodded fervently with saucer-eyes of arousal, which is the same thing.

It’s the morning after their inaugural shagathon, and Sophie wakes up to gaze adoringly at Sian. I mean, of course it’s the morning after; a British soap in a pre-Watershed time slot isn’t going to show naked girls kissing. (Spoiler alert: Yes, they will!)

Sian thinks she saw this scene before in Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason, which makes her Colin Firth/Mr. Darcy, and she is rightfully flattered. (Does that man ever stop being delicious? Answer: No.) Sian squeals for Sophie to stop looking at her, and then flips over in an adorable huff so Sophie can confirm her cuteness. And then Sophie asks a question with multiple folds: “Sian, are you OK with all this? Because if you’re not ready—”

Fold the first: It was their first time together and Sophie’s first time full-stop. Fold the second: They both took a vow of chastity. Fold the third: They’re in Sophie’s parents house and they solemnly swore they wouldn’t do the deed. Fold the fourth: It was each of their first times with another girl, and know Sophie’s like, “I’ve watched a lot of American telly and I think this is the part where you go back to blokes.”

Sian comforts Sophie by saying, “No, I am [OK with all of this]. It just feels weird … weird in a good way. Like a new pair of shoes … Like, they’re gonna be amazing; you just need to wear them in a bit.”

Sophie isn’t particularly offended at being compared to a pair of shoes, and I mean, why would she be? They’re working with a 16-year-old frame of reference, and anyway, some girls don’t like it when you wake up quoting T.S. Eliot. (Apparently.) Sophie is ready to put on the new shoes some more — to wear those things around real good — but Sian doesn’t want to get caught. They agree that Sophie isn’t pushing Sian, that they love one another, and that they’ll meet in the kitchen in their dressing gowns two minutes apart. (So as not to arouse suspicion. As if Sally is capable of thinking about anything other than the one million plots she’s hatched to murder Kevin.)

Downstairs, Sally asks Sophie if “her mate” is awake, and Sophie is like, “Yes. Probably. I don’t know. WHY ARE YOU ASKING SO MANY QUESTIONS? GOD!” But Sally doesn’t hear the insubordination; mostly she’s just looking for something to bitch about. She settles on the time. (Presumably because she’s already spent the morning on the phone with Rita, whinging about the weather. And the next bleeding variable on her list is the way the world spins around the sun without consulting her.)

Sian wanders in and tells Sally to go easy on her girlfriend: “She may have slept-in and partaken of fizzy drink, but you and Kevin are trying to ruin the world with your extra-dimensional horribleness. She needed the distraction.”

Sophie gives Sian the thumbs-up behind Sally’s back and they launch a joint counter-attack to deter Sally from joining them on their shopping trip. They suggest she should phone Rosie and take her shopping instead. Sally goes, “Rosie is a bit more stylish.” Which is like saying, “I guess a clown does know a bit more about makeup.” (Whatever, though: You know I’d join Rosie Webster’s three-ring circus any day.)

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