Archive

“Top Chef All-Stars” Recap (8.03): Empire state of mind

Hey, remember last week when Jen had an epic meltdown and told the judges to smarten up and that her food was awesome? Yeah, so does everyone else. But there seems to be some Bravo-enabled finger pointing. Mike says Jen is a stronger chef than Jamie (Undercurrent: Jamie should have gone home). Antonia says Jamie didn’t need to go to the hospital for her cut (Undercurrent: Jamie is a wuss). Are we clear now? Good, let’s move on.

In the Top Chef kitchen Padma is waiting with David Chang, “one of New York’s brightest culinary stars.” The Quickfire Challenge is a mise-en-place race and then 15 minutes to create of one dish with the ingredients. The cheftestants are paired off in random teams of the four (note: be careful who you stand next to). There’s a little grumblings about the groupings, like Fabio says Angelo’s pants are “a little too tight” for him. Is that code for something? Or does Fabio just need to contemplate to himself why he is staring at Angelo’s ass.

And they’re off. They’ve got to prep lamb chops, artichokes and garlic as fast as they can. The teams breakdown as such: Green (Mike, Angelo, Tiffany, Fabio), Blue (Blais, Spike, Tre, Stephen), Red (Jamie, Antonia, Casey, Big Gay Dale), White (Tiffani, Little Mad Dale, Carla, Marcel). Big Gay Dale notes that Casey is “killing the lamb,” which is sweet redemption from her season 3 onion chopping fail.

The mise-en-place race is always interesting each year, not necessarily for what it shows culinarily, but what it shows technically. It’s also fun to see who is really slow. This year it’s the White Team who seems to be on an entirely different, slower setting than the others. Also they may be competing in an entirely different race because Tiffani has the madoline out and I really have no idea why. Is she making fries for later as a snack?

The Green Team finishes and starts the 15-minute clock for everyone. The Blue and Red teams follow shortly after with, you guessed it, White Team lagging way behind. The Green and Blue teams opt for grilled chops, the Red and White team go for uncooked carpaccio. Bravo stepped it up a notch with this Quickfire by adding the cooking element to the usual mise-en-place race. It’s exhilarating and even I am sweating at the end.

Guest judge Chang goes to taste the results. He gives the Blue Team a “nice job,” breaking the cardinal rule of guest judging: reveal nothing. They lap up his praise accordingly. It’s almost sweet seeing them get excited about a two-word “atta boy” like that.

Padma comes to the Red Team and says, “Hello, ladies,” only to catch herself after the laughter breaks out and adds “I’m sorry, Dale.” Snort. Padma wins for soundbite of the week.

Chang names the Red and Green teams his least favorite, while his favorites were the Blue and White teams. There is a lesson in there, I think — something about a tortoise and a hare. The Blue Team wins, and each pocket $5,000, but no immunity.

The Elimination Challenge keeps the teams together, but this time they’ll be competing against their own teammates for best and worst dishes. Each group will dine at one of New York’s finest restaurants, and then cook a dish in the style of its executive chef. The Green Team pulls guest judge Chang’s French-Vietnamese fusion place Má Pêche. The Red Team pulls David Burke’s modern American eatery Townhouse. The Blue Team draws Michael White’s Italian spot Marea. Finally the White Team gets mad food scientist Wiley Dufresne’s molecular gastronomy joint wd~50.

Oh, and two of them will be sent packing at the end. Like I’ve said before, Top Chef will cut a bitch — possibly two.

The teams go out to dine at their respective spots. Tiffany calls Angelo and his non-stop blather “annoying” at Má Pêche. I knew there was a reason I liked Tiffany. At Marea, Tre calls Stephen “arrogant.” Ditto for Tre. Carla is, rightfully, terrified at wd~50 because if she couldn’t even sous vide steak, so how is she going to aerate fois gras? The Red (“Ladies”) Team at Townhouse gets treated to goldfish in their cocktail glasses (um, no one tell PETA) and some whimsical dishes much to Big Gay Dale’s delight.

Again, Bravo went all-out with this challenge. It’s not only a great showcase of each chef’s skill, but their creativity and adaptability. I mean, this is so much better than that vending machine challenge from a few seasons ago, I can’t even tell you.

Back at the house, Stephen thinks he has a great shot because Marea is all about suit-and-tie fine dining. He is saying this while in a suit and tie, you know, to lounge around the house. He says “fashion has become a major obsession of mine. It could be worse, it could be cocaine or heroin.” And sometimes, the two go hand-in hand. What? I saw Gia.

The chefs get working and the judges begin their rounds. Tom, Padma, Antohony Bourdain (yay, Tony), Food & Wine Restaurant Editor Kate Krader and the executive chef from each restaurant will judge the teams. Marea is first, and Stephen’s dish gets the Bourdain treatment immediate, saying “It tastes like a head shop.”

At Má Pêche Angelo puts white chocolate with his fish, which sounds disgusting but I’m sure if delicious because, as much as I hate to admit it, Angelo never makes disgusting dishes. Chang is gracious to all the dishes saying there is “nothing I’d be embarrassed about.”

At Townhouse, Big Gay Dale asks Casey to taste all his components and she says he has “everything but the kitchen sink” and is “a little concerned for him.” He is making some sort of peanuts, popcorn, French toast and veal concoction that scares me a little. Jamie is going the opposite direction, making a simple soup with “smoke,” which bores me a little.

At wd~50, the chefs grapple with how to best emulate Dufresne’s unique style. Dale opts to not, but just go for his own style in homage to him. Tiffani meanwhile goes too crazy and over does it with the techniques. In a good example of kitchen irony, the two chefs most familiar with molecular gastronomy (Tiffani and Marcel) are deemed the least successful in executing it.

Back in the Stew Room, the chefs await their fate. Padma calls in Little Mad Dale, Angelo, Antonia and Tre, who had the best dishes out of each group. The winner will receive a six-night trip to New Zealand. The judges have lovely things to say about all their food, but I’m more curious about Angelo’s pants. I don’t care if they’re tight or not, I just wonder who cooks in white pants?

Dale is ultimately declared the winner after he smartly played to chef Dufresne’s “egg slut” tendencies.

Least favorites Stephen, Tiffani, Fabio and Big Gay Dale follow. Carla tells them to “fight hard, but not too hard — be nice.” Someone off camera says, “Don’t pull a Jen.” Sorry, Padma, I take back soundbite of the week. “Don’t pull a Jen” is now forever part of the Top Chef vernacular.

Each chef admits their own failures. Big Gay Dale calls Townhouse “food with jazz hands” which gets a laugh from Bourdain. He made Bourdain laugh, people, that alone is reason enough to keep him on the show.

But in the end, no amount of jazz handing can save Big Gay Dale. His dish, as Bourdain says, “just didn’t taste good.” Likewise, Bourdain calls Stephen’s dish “unpleasant to eat.” So Big Gay Dale and Stephen are PYKAGed.

When it’s announced to the rest of the chefs who was sent home, there isn’t the audible sad noise until Dale acknowledges his departure. No one wants him to go. But, ever the jokester, he says perhaps he’ll come back for Top Chef 16: Seniors. Aw, Big Gay Dale. We’ll miss you most of all.

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Back to top button