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“Glee” Episode 210 Recap: Christmas time will always be, just as long as we have “Glee”

Some of the guys were saying in the comments over on AfterElton.com that they couldn’t tell if I liked Glee or not sometimes. Yeah. They’re not gonna have that problem in this recap. This episode of Glee had me at the first mention of “The Island of Misfit Toys.”

The teachers at McKinley are exchanging Secret Santa gifts, powered by Coach Beiste. Will, after enduring a “let’s be friends” chat with Emma, draws Sue’s name.

Brittany is decorating her locker for Christmas while Artie helps. “Last year I left my stocking up over Christmas vacation, and an entire family of mice started living in it,” she tells him as she hangs an ornament. “Their Christmas gift to each other was rabies.”

Artie, it turns out, wants just one thing for Christmas: For his parents to stop friend requesting him on Facebook.

“What are you asking Santa for?” Brittany asks him.

Artie is all, huh?

“Artie, the roads to the North Pole are getting treacherous,” she says earnestly. “You need to write your letter to Santa and get in the mail today. And remember, even the smallest envelope is heavy for an elf.”

“No way,” Artie breaths as she walks away, having apparently just met her two seconds ago. If there was ever anyone who could more obviously (and charmingly) grow to high school age and still believe in Santa than Brittany S. Pierce, I have no idea who it could be. Wake up and smell the candy canes, Artie!

Now, if you happened to come to my house any time during the holiday season, you’d find the Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer DVD next to my television set. I think the whole show is a beautiful metaphor about being an outsider and even about growing up queer (hello, Hermie the gay elf, I mean, dentist). It’s kind of like stop motion animation Glee in the North Pole with reindeer.

So when we I realized they were decorating a Christmas tree while singing the “Island of Misfit Toys” song (“The Most Wonderful Day Of The Year”), I actually stopped taking notes and just stared, mesmerized, at the screen. And I kind of never stopped until the commercial break. Thank Santa for DVRs or this recap would be a little sparse on details.

We have Quinn dancing around singing, “Wake up! Don’t you know it’s time to come out?” We have Brittany as the spotted elephant! We have Artie, who I couldn’t even find it in my heart to hate this week, making little choo-choo motions with his hand.

Then we have Mr. Schue the douche coming in and spreading some Christmas gloom over the whole scene.

“Hi, guys,” he says, bewildered. “What’s this?”

Turns out Glee Club’s own Charlie Brown, Finn, found the tree at the side of the road, and Santana scored some free ornaments. “The guy who lives next door finally killed off his elderly mother, and when they carted him off they left the house wide open, so … I think she was a holiday hoarder.”

Puck contributed the presents under the tree: “I lifted them from a display at the mall,” he says. “But don’t worry, they’re empty.”

Will doesn’t like the rag tag Christmas his kids are putting together, and he definitely doesn’t like that they’re seen as misfits by the rest of the school even after their triumph at Sectionals two years running. His prescription: To go caroling throughout the school to raise money for homeless kids.

“We’re gonna be killed,” says Quinn.

But Finn’s optimistic. “No, guys. It’s Christmas. A time for miracles. We gotta try this.”

That’s right, says Will. “This year, Glee Club’s going full Santa.”

And that happy spirit lasted just long enough for not only the students they’re serenading to throw stuff, but the teacher to heave a shoe in their direction. And it was a Mercedes solo, too. Sniff.

The kids regroup in the Glee Club room, decorating a brand new tree Mr. Schue bought to inspire them. Brittany tells them not to worry, because this year, she asked Santa Claus to stop the glee kids from getting picked on. (My love for Brittany grew three sizes when she said that.)

Everyone seems even more nonplussed than usual by Brittany’s comments, and while she happily sorts Christmas stockings at the far end of the room, Artie gathers the rest of the kids around and tells them Brittany still believes in Santa. Santana, who presumably already knew her BFF and sex partner believed in the big red guy, is conspicuous by her absence from this scene. Or if she’s there, I didn’t see her, and she didn’t say a word.

While Finn and Rachel sneak looks at each other and agree to meet later in the auditorium, Puck says telling Brittany would be too mean even for him. “I’m cruel and all, but that’s just hardcore.”

They agree to help Artie in a conspiracy to protect Brittany’s innocence, and all head to the mall to see Santa. When they get there, Brittany leans down and whispers to the elf, “To be honest, I don’t understand the difference between an elf and a slave.”

Mercedes wants a pony and a doll that laughs and cries, although she finds the smell of Mickey D’s on Santa’s breath distracting.

Lauren wants Puckerman to love her because he’s a fox, and sweet potato fries.

Santana: I want bling. I can’t be any more specific than that. And wait, hold up. Please tell me that is a roll of Certs in your pocket.

Quinn: Do you have anything for stretch marks?

Sam: Chapstick. Lots of chapstick.

Mike: I want Channing Tatum to stop being in stuff.

Tina: When does Asian Santa arrive?

Just as Brittany goes up for her turn, she tells the elf, “Just know, you have rights.” She is the Norma Rae of the North Pole!

She sits on Santa’s lap, and tells him he’s gotten really tan.

“That’s because at the North Pole, there’s a hole in the ozone,” the African American Santa tells her. She laughs and tells him he’s amazing. No, Brittany, you are.

She says he’s busy and gets right to the only item on her wish list: For Artie to walk. This is so sweet it almost removes the taste of bitterness in my mouth from the fact that she called him her boyfriend.

Artie shakes his head and makes a cutting motion with his hand and does everything other than scream, “Tell her no,” but for some reason, Santa says he’s on it.

“Now we’re screwed,” said Artie.

Rachel and Finn don’t seem to have gone to the mall, but they did meet up in the auditorium where Rachel’s engaged a band and gotten the A-V club to create a fake snowstorm. She tells Finn that as a Jew, she doesn’t usually give Christmas gifts, but she knows it’s important to him, and hands him a wrapped box.

It’s a certificate for a song sung with love. “At least it’s not a kitten,” she tells him.

Finn doesn’t like Rachel’s winter wonderland, says he’s not ready to forgive her, and storms out. The guitarist asks if she wants them to leave, but she, of course, does her number anyway — the Carpenters‘ “Merry Christmas, Darling.” I really hate this song, but hey, I loved the snow. And I loved that she took the song out of the auditorium and had Rachel wandering the hallways — in a different outfit — watching the other students, who couldn’t see her. I just love when Glee does that.

So, after we’re done watching it snow indoors, we see Will writing out his ideas for a Secret Santa gift for Sue: A dog robot, or a soul.

Now we’re about to witness the thinnest premise in the history of television for a duet, and I freaking love it. Baby, it may be cold outside but it’s warm in my heart.

Kurt is studying, alone, in a paneled room with leather sofas, fireplace blazing. He jumps when Blaine walks in and drops a boom box with a thud.

“You scared me,” Kurt says.

“That’s because I’m actually Marley’s ghost, and I’m here to tell you to stop studying so hard.”

“What’s with the boom box?” Kurt asks.

“I need you to sing with me… well, rehearse with me,” Blaine says. “I got a gig singing ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’ in the King’s Island Christmas Spectacular.” (He says this with adorable hand gestures.)

“Oh,” says Kurt. “A personal favorite.” He sounds nervous. “Too bad they’d never let us sing it together.”

For some reason I don’t understand, Blaine looks confused here, so Kurt clarifies. “I mean, as two … artists.”

“So, you’ll help me out here?”

“Anything to stop reading about Charlemagne,” Kurt answers.

“Very good then,” Blaine says in a fake British accent. Kurt looks radiant.

Blaine turns on the boom box, then dances over and gestures for Kurt to start.

This clip had its own post and discussion on AfterElton.com already, and I’m not sure there’s a single frame or truncated lyric (“Gee, your lips are delicious” is in the recorded version you can download on iTunes, but was cut from the video clip) that hasn’t already been analyzed and squeed over by everyone on the site. So I’ll try to be restrained and just say it totally filled my heart with absolute joy. I almost don’t even mind that they didn’t kiss, although now that we see the full clip, I think that maybe it crossed Kurt’s mind.

“For the record,” Blaine says, “You are much better than that girl’s gonna be.”

Just as Blaine leaves the room, Mr. Schue comes in and asks if Blaine is “someone special.”

Kurt says no; he’s just a friend. “But on the upside, I’m in love with him and he’s actually gay. I call that progress.”

This is the first time we find out Kurt’s in love with Blaine.

“How you doin’?” Will asks.

“The classes are harder, but the kids are kinder,” Kurt says. “So, what brings you here? Looking to teach at a place where pencils aren’t primarily used as weapons?”

Will’s there to get Kurt’s advice on what to buy Sue for his secret Santa gift — talking about thin premises.

Kurt, of course, has the perfect idea: A fur lined track suit. Which we see when Sue gets her secret Santa gifts from … everyone. Turns out she rigged the draw because, while she hates Christmas, she loves getting presents.

Emma, Will and Coach Beiste tell Sue they’re not going to let her steal Christmas, but she says she already did.

The next day, Sue’s stalking the halls, and snatches a Santa hat from Lauren. While she’s gloating, Becky Jackson runs up and says, “Coach! We have a problem!”

Sue finds Will and Coach Bieste in her office, rounding up all her presents to donate to the homeless.

“Becky, go into the glove box of my Le Car and get my tear gas. Then get me Gloria Allred,” Sue says. Becky rushes off to comply, but Will says he checked with human resources, who told him Sue has no legal right to gifts obtained by fraud.

“And what is your problem, anyway? Were you one of those kids who never got presents at Christmas?”

“Yes, Dr. Laura,” she sneers at him. “As a matter of fact I was, and I’m making up for it now.”

As they leave her office in triumph, Will turns around and says, “You know what you are, Sue? You’re a Grinch.”

Sue drops her eyes to Lauren’s Santa hat, still clutched in her hand.

In the locker room, Sam, Puck, Artie and Mike are trying to convince Coach Beiste to don a Santa suit and rescind the promise the other Santa made to Brittany, about Artie being able to walk again.

“Are you guys punkin’ me?” she asks. “I thought we were cool after you sang me that song.”

Sam, who is fully clothed in this entire episode, suggests she tell Brittany that elves are working on it. “Elves have awesome cord blood for stem-cell research, but these advances are years away.”

Artie says he’s arranged everything with Brittany’s parents, who want her to keep believing, and Coach Beiste finally gives in.

Now, right next to the Rudolph DVD by my television is the animated How the Grinch Stole Christmas, so just imagine how much I loved the next scene.

I may have missed a lot of references because when it comes to the classic holiday television shows of my childhood, I’m a strict traditionalist. I’ve never seen the live action re-make of the Grinch, and I never will. But what I did get was incredible enough, plus: LESBALERT! If Jane Lynch as the Grinch isn’t enough, just add kd lang singing “Sue the Grinch” as Sue strips and smashes every trace of Christmas in the choir room, including stealing the presents for the homeless kids, all with the help of Becky dressed as Max the dog.

And then Brittany comes in and does the best Cindy Lou Hoo in the history of American television. (And someone on Twitter informed me that her hairstyle is from the live action film version of the Grinch, so it’s not like I’m imagining it.)

“Santa?” she asks, surveying the wreckage.

“Brittany,” Sue the Grinch says, in a falsely hardy Santa voice. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m bringing a gift for the homeless kids,” she says softly. “It’s a dollhouse. At least their dolls won’t be homeless.”

Sue trots out the “one of the lights on the tree isn’t working” story, and tells her to shuffle on home — then takes that gift and all the rest off in a wagon pulled by Becky the reindog. (Then we had a Victoria’s Secret commercial, although I suspect the Jane Lynch/kd lang/Brittany lesbian fan base was only accidentally the target audience.)

When the glee kids discover what happened, they’re despondent. Mr. Schue blames Sue, but Brittany insists it was Santa and that he’d bring everything back just like he promised her.

“Oooohhhh-kaaaay,” Will says as Artie nods at him meaningfully. “Are you sure Santa was a boy and not a girl, Brittany?” (Brittany presumably isn’t always sure about that. Maybe Santas are just gay Grinches?)

“I swear on my life,” she says. “Santa’s a boy. Everbody knows that.”

Rachel stage-whispers, “It was probably one of the boys on the football team,” and Will decides it wasn’t Sue.

Finn throws up his hands. “All over the world, way worse things than this have happened. I’m not going to let it get us down. ‘Tis the season.”

Will agrees, and he gathers the students to clean up the mess. Rachel tells Finn that as the leaders of the club, they have to make it right.

They head to a Christmas tree lot to get a new tree, where Rachel tries to mend things with Finn. And for a minute, it looks like it might work. They sing George Michael‘s “Last Christmas,” and I realized two things. One, I’m a total slave to these scenes out in the real world where everyone’s singing and no one thinks it’s odd or seems to notice. And two, I really like Rachel and Finn a lot more as a couple when they’re all angsty and broken up than when they’re happy and together.

Anyway, at the end of the song, Rachel tells him that last Christmas, she asked Santa for him. They kiss, mostly but not entirely at Rachel’s instigation, but Finn pushes her away. “It’s not last year anymore … You mess me up, Rachel. Can’t you see how screwed up I am about this? I’ve had two girlfriends and both of them have cheated on me.” And he officially breaks up with her. And me, I’m feeling really sorry for him. Poor little Frankenteen.

The glee kids decide to raise money to replace the gifts for the homeless gifts, the boys by selling their watches, the girls by selling their hair, just like in “The Gift of the Magi.”

“It’s my dad’s,” Finn says as he drops his watch into the hat.

“He’d want you to do it for the homeless kids,” Mike says.

“This was my uncle’s,” says Puck. “It’s the first thing I ever stole, actually.”

Sam just drops his in silently.

“I’m going to look terrible,” says Quinn.

“Shut up,” Tina tells her. “With your bone structure, you could pull off the Rosemary’s Baby look and still look good. I’m gonna look like Jackie Chan.”

“If Barbra could pull off a bob, so can I,” Rachel says.

“Enough yapping,” snaps Santana, holding scissors to her pony tail. “Let’s do this.”

Mr. Schue walks in. “Woah, what are you doing?”

“We’re going all ‘Gift of the Magi’ to buy the homeless kids those school supplies,” Mercedes says.

“No, it’s okay,” Santana tells him. “Most of this isn’t mine anyway.”

Will tells them they got the story all wrong. “Have any of you actually read ‘Gift of the Magi’?”

Brittany holds up her fingers in a pinching gesture, and Santana says, “I know what it’s about. Life frigging sucks.”

Mr. Schue says she’s right, and then he sits down and gives a really gloomy speech about how terrible it is to grow up and seriously, dude, you’re getting me down. But then he says there’s a way they can help the homeless kids, and here we go again.

Later that night, Brittany is tucking her Ken doll into bed with another dark-skinned doll who I couldn’t get a good look at but like to think is a Santana doll. “Get a good night’s rest, Ken,” Brittany says tenderly. “You’re gonna need it. Barbie took the early flight from Tampa.”

She hears a noise, and dashes out into the living room, where she finds Santa poking around by her tree.

Brittany has now met a black Santa and a green Santa, and doesn’t even blink that this Santa is white. But that’s our Brittany.

This was an amazing scene, full of some tender, wise dialogue and incredible acting by both Heather Morris and Dot Jones. If you hated it, I’m sorry. I loved it.

“Santa? But it’s too early,” Brittany says.

“Well, you know what they say,” Santa Beiste says, turning around. “Early’s late if you make tomorrow yesterday.”

Brittany smiles radiantly. “Awesome!”

Santa Beiste says she was in the neighborhood on a “dry run,” and asks Brittany to sit with her. Brittany sits on her lap, and Santa Beiste shifts her to the sofa, saying Santa’s stinky and needs a sponge bath from Mrs. Claus.

Santa Beiste asks if there isn’t anything Brittany wants other than for Artie to walk, and she says no. Santa Beiste tells her a story about a girl who was a little husky and always asked Santa to make her look like the other girls — not pretty or nothing, she says, just not to stand out so much. But Santa gave her patience, instead, and the girl was glad about it later, because she made the husky thing work for her.

“Was her name Rikki Lake?” asks Brittany.

Santa says that sometimes, the gift of patience is the best gift of all for “good girls like you, Brittany.” Awwwww. “I’m sorry, Punkin,” Santa Beiste says, sounding heartbroken. “It’s just not gonna happen.” And she gets up to leave.

“Aren’t you going to go up the chimney?” Brittany says as Santa Beiste heads for the back door.

“On dry runs, Santa uses the Isuzu,” she tells her.

Brittany sits on the sofa, looking thoughtful and unhappy.

I know on Twitter the #gaysharks were not happy, but let’s set aside our hatred of Barfie and love of Brittana for the moment, and focus on the fact that there’s some awesome womanistic stuff in this episode.

Back at McKinley the next day, Brittany is de-Xmasizing her locker. Artie’s worried about how sad she is, and tells Mr. Schue he’s going to take her home and make sure she’s all right. The look on Brittany’s face just broke my heart.

The rest of the Glee Club is in the teacher’s lounge, and Finn gives a speech. “So, we’re your students,” he begins. “I imagine having some of us in your classes would slowly chip away your hopes and dreams until the whole world just felt like a never-ending nightmare of pain …”

“Just get to the point,” Will says.

Finn says they’re here today to raise money for children who have a lot less than they do, and that he’s learned that no matter how hard the year is, there’s nothing a few more jingle bells or some more Santa can’t fix.

In Sue’s office, she’s gloating to Becky about getting her presents back, and says, “As satisfying as it is to have been gifted enough rotisserie ovens to roast an entire hobo, the real joy of Christmas was breaking the collective heart of the Glee Club.”

Just then the strains of “Welcome Christmas” as sung by the Whos down in Whoville after the Grinch stole their presents and even the roast beast drift down the hall:

Christmas time will always be

Just as long as we have Glee…

That’s right, every kid in the Glee Club, the large and the small, was singing without any presents at all! And we all know what happened then, right? Sue the Grinch’s heart grew three sizes that day.

The kids raised $210 (even after Puck’s cut). Rachel invites Mr. Schue to spend Christmas Eve with her and her dads, but he says he doesn’t mind being alone. And just then they walk into the Glee Club room and find Artie. Standing.

He’s wearing some kind of Transformer-like contraption called a “ReWalk,” invented by a guy in Israel. (And by the way? It’s real.) Everyone gathers around, and Artie walks.

Turns out that when he got to Brittany’s house that afternoon, it was sitting under the tree.

“How the hell did you afford that?” Sam asks Brittany.

“I didn’t buy it,” she says. “I had no idea what it was. I thought it was a Transformer.”

Artie tells Santana he thought Brittany’s dad got it for him, but her dad didn’t know anything about it. No one knows where it came from. Was it Sue? Coach Beiste, who’s looking in from the other room, smiling? Or was it Santa, as Brittany insisted?

My vote goes to Coach Beiste, but I suppose we’ll never know.

But the Christmas miracles aren’t over yet. Not even close.

Will comes into his apartment and finds Sue there, decorating a huge, lush Christmas tree.

“Hey, Will,” she says.

“How did you get in here?” he asks.

“Oh, I had a key made ages ago.” She has a present in her hand. “How do you like your tree?”

He tells her it’s beautiful, and asks what’s going on.

She says, “Remember that old meanie who stole all that stuff out of the choir room? We’ll, she’s sorry.”

“Really?” Will says, slowly. “And what made her change her mind?”

“I don’t know. Call it a Christmas and leave it at that,” she tells him. “Now, I know a lot of these gifts are for orphans or something, but here’s something special.” And she hands him the wrapped box — which contains a set of clippers to sheer off the Chia pet he calls his hair. At least Sue hasn’t completely reformed.

Or has she? Because she blows a whistle and in walks the entire Glee Club, decorations and holiday food in hand.

“I thought you hated the holidays?” Will murmurs to Sue.

“Nah, I just hate you,” she says.

“Merry Christmas, Sue.”

Merry Christmas, Will.”

And to all, a good night.

And here are our favorite #gaysharks Tweets of the week!

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