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“Coronation Street” recap: Four-Seater Table

I’m not sure if my shrieks of “SECRET BABY! SECRET BABY!” have properly conveyed the hijinks happening with Sophie’s dad, but it’s getting more important so here’s the shake-down: Sophie’s dad (Kevin) had an affair with his business partner’s (Tyrone) wife (Molly), which he quit when his own wife (Sally) found out she had cancer. And then, because he’s never seen a TV show before, he was shocked when nine months later Molly gave birth to a baby that belonged to him.

Molly wants Kevin to leave his family and start a whole new family with her, and Kevin is panicked because Sophie and Rosie are frankly f–king awesome. It’s a fact. And you never know how babies are going to turn out. But instead of, like, nurturing his daughters and wife, and enjoying their company, he just keeps stomping around in a rage cloud and hurling thunder and lightning at anyone who dares to ask him why he’s being such a tosser.

Except for today, because today is a funeral for Tyrone’s almost-father, Jack. OK, see, Jack was like a dad to Tyrone and so Tyrone also named his baby “Jack,” not knowing that it really isn’t his baby at all. He speaks at the funeral and cries and is desperately sad, and Kevin consoles him, which is even sadder.

But then it’s a whole new day and Kevin is as happy as Christmas. Sophie and Sian tell Sally that they’re off to visit a new church, one that will accept them for who they are. Sally says who they are is “two very nice, well brought up young women.” Which is true, and I love that Sally jumps to that first. That’s such a mum thing. But more to the point, Sophie says they’re looking for a church that will accept them as a couple. And don’t you love that? Don’t you love that they didn’t just drop the God thing with Sophie (rightfully) raging against her pastor and dragging Sian out of church?

I think this may be the first gay storyline that has tackled Christianity with the same broad-mindedness that is uses to tackle lesbianism. Like, you can write gays and lesbians as one thing, but the spectrum of sexuality isn’t monochrome. And neither is Christianity. So regardless of where you register on the spirituality scale, it’s refreshing when Sophie counters Sally’s cynicism like so:

Sally: It doesn’t matter what church you go to, does it? It’s still in the same religion, isn’t it?

Sophie: No. Because all churches are different, Mum. And they all interpret the Bible in different ways.

Sian: Yeah, and some of them have caught on to the modern world.

Sally wishes them well in their quest and then, hilariously, says, “Have a good gay! Er, day!”

Later Sally comes home to get ready for a big date with Kevin to find Rosie doing some kind of inverted imaginary cycling on the couch. It is amazing. Rosie is amazing. I much prefer this method of calorie-burning to Jillian Michaels’ shredding DVDs. Rosie convinces her mum to let her do her makeup, on the condition that Rosie doesn’t make her look like a prostitute. Which, again: Awesome. “I acknowledge that your makeup occassionaly makes you look like the lead clown in a whore circus, and I love you anyway, but please do not do that to my face.”

On their way home from church, Sophie and Sian run into Emily Bishop. She’s been taking Rita’s lessons to heart and tells them that she’s sorry she was short with them in the cafe the other day, and that she doesn’t “feel wonderful for dismissing” them like that. Sian says they visited a new church and Sophie says that it’s a church that accepts them even if they “might be different.” You can tell Emily’s heart is just breaking because of how she’s loved Sophie from when she was just a little girl and she knows how she’s so beautiful on the inside, and it’s creating this dissonance in Emily’s heart and mind because she’s always had “a quite literal view of the Scriptures.”

I’ve been banging on about this as long as you’ve been reading my recaps, but the whole point of narrative is to help people make sense of life. Anthropologists would line up to tell you that exact thing, that before the New York Times bestseller list, story existed in a gazillion different forms with the purpose of preserving history and hinting at structure in the chaos of life. And so this thing here, this Emily/Sophie thing, it lasts what? Six minutes, total, over two episodes. Yet it’s a soul-sustainer for everyone who chooses to wrestle and tangle and bring in line the bedrock beliefs of their religion with their own personal values. That’s one hell of a courageous thing to do in your life, and if grandma-aged Emily Bishop can do it at the same time as teenage-aged Sophie Webster, anyone can do it.

William James says that “the value of religion lies in its usefulness to the believer, not in the truthfullness of its supernatural claims.”

And for both Sophie and Emily, Christianity has been useful in terms of peace and purpose. There’s a comfort in believing that Sophie is not willing to forgo because she is gay. And there are principles that Emily is choosing to reevaluate for the same reason. Sophie says, “God made me gay. I didn’t make me gay.” And Emily believes her.

And it wouldn’t be a recap if I didn’t say I can’t believe this is happening on television.

The next day, Sophie and Sian are helping Sally prepare tea while Rosie lounges on the couch painting her nails. I love these family scenes where Sian just fits right in. It’s not even a Thing anymore. Sian and Sophie just wanted a place to be, remember? And they found it at home. Kevin ruins everyone’s good cheer by bringing his thunder!cloud to bear in the kitchen and then whisking it away upstairs, shouting at Sally to just leave him alone.

And you know what? Maybe she should! He bailed on their date last night and he’s being the worst thing right now. And, like my Corrie tutor, Paula, mentioned to me: The Webster’s have limited table space. Sian is a much better full-time dinner companion than Kevin, that’s for sure. And so maybe Sally should pull a Jenna Fitch: “You’ve got to move out, Kev. You’re being a bit of a prick and it’s a FOUR-SEATER TABLE. What did you want me to do?”

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