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“Coronation Street” recap: Den of Iniquity

In the commentary of the Strangers in Paradise: Treasury Edition, Terry Moore says this really cool thing about how he wish he’d written/drawn more of Francine and Kacthoo (best lesbian couple ever; seriously, do yourself a favor and read SiP) just having fun together. That’s not really a luxury most serialized story-tellers have, really, because drama is what keeps the rope taut between you and your audience. And so that makes this week on Corrie pretty special – because Sophie and Sian are for real together now, and after all the shenanigans – public outing on a train, hobo hijinks, screeching parents, kid with a brain cloud – they’re enjoying each other.

It’s Sophie’s birthday and she and Sian have resolved to have a really small party. And by “small” they mean “each other,” but Rosie convinces them to let her plan the whole thing. On the one hand, this makes me love Rosie even more than I already do (which is an unholy amount) because she rightly shakes Sophie down and finds out that the reason she’s not having a party is because she doesn’t want her relationship with Sian to be scrutinized. Rosie says that people, generally speaking, are duffers and that most of them “don’t wear bras” (I don’t know), and then she goes, “But do you know what they have that you haven’t? A big sister that’s on your side.”

And let me tell you something: My sister joined PFLAG before I even came out, and so never underestimate what Rosie is saying. A sister on your side is everything.

The next morning, the Websters gather ’round to give Sophie her birthday presents. (Did I already tell you Sian is living with them? Because Sian is living with them.) Sophie’s mum and dad give her a card full of cash. Rosie literally gives her some red lingerie that doesn’t fit her anymore. (Please watch Sian’s face when Sophie opens the box. I couldn’t catch it when I was screencapping, but it is LOL FOREVER funny.) And Sian gives her a heart-shaped necklace. Sophie says it must have cost a fortune and what was Sian thinking, and Sian goes, “You.”

Sally is priceless in this scene. She goes from “aww!” to “OMG!” when they kiss. Like, she doesn’t even know where to look.

Amazing.

Sophie and Sian take the bus to who knows where (Southpaw?) to drop Sophie’s birthday cash. Sophie gets a pair of boots that Sian and Rosie line-up to borrow. They canoodle on the street like being a lesbian in love is the most normal thing in the world, and nothing to be ashamed of. Because guess what? Being a lesbian in love is the most normal thing in the world, and nothing to be ashamed of.

Sally and Kevin head on over to the pub so Sophie can have her 16th birthday party without them nosing around. Besides, there’s not much room in the house because Rosie has invited every extra in Manchester to Sophie’s party. At the pub, Kevin is twitching like a meerkat on speed because subplot: Kevin had an affair that he called off when Sally was diagnosed with cancer, but his mistress (who is his business partner’s wife) (oh, soaps!) got totally preggers and he just found out the baby is his! Sally is like, “Have you got ants in your pants or what? Sit still.”

Sally’s bestie wonders how smart it was for Sally and Kevin to let Sophie have a party without parental supervision. She literally (awesomely) says, “They advertise parties now, don’t they, on facial internet sights? You could end up with a house full of 30 year old dealers selling meth.”

Actually, what they’ve wound up with is a party full of mostly choir members and some people from the street and also some of Rosie’s friends who are skating around (like on actual rollerblades) and passing out cherry-flavored (flavoured!) vodka. Some of the choir girls are sort of gawking at her – which: I love Rosie, but I might gawk at her too, a little – and so she asks what they’re looking at, and they say “nothing!” and she grabs her tits and says, “It’s called cleavage!” Then she smacks Sian’s ass as she’s walking by and goes, “You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you, darling?”

Marry me, Rosie.

Back at the pub, Sally’s bestie has changed her tune. “They’re born again Christians; the place will be like a library,” she decides.

Wrong!

Inside, Rosie funnels vodka down Sophie’s throat and she’s just drunk enough to not care what people think, so she pulls Sian into a searing kiss. The choir girls gawk some more and one of them fully goes, “SOPHIE!”

Rosie, again: “What? She is kissing her PARTNER. And no, she’s not doing it to turn guys on. They actually love each other and stuff.”

They “love each other and stuff” some more in public and then when they’re twirling around and “loving each other and stuff” near the door, they notice their pastor standing there with a birthday gift in his hand looking like he just got walloped over the head with a cartoon frying pan.

Sally and Kevin come home not long after, and Kevin says my favorite British phrase “bang out of order!” and demands that everyone leave immediately. (And I mean, if he’s this curmudgeonly now, imagine how furious he’s going to be when baby Jack’s 16th birthday rolls around! “GET OFF MY LAWN, YOU KIDS!”)

The next morning, Sophie and Sian are working off their first hangover together (aww!) while Sally shrieks and squeals and storms around pointing her foot at various stains on the carpet. They say they’ll clean it up, and Kevin pokes his head in to say, “Damn straight you’ll clean it up!” And oh! That reminds me, at the party Sally told Sophie to walk in a straight line and she said, “Mum, I’m gay; I don’t do anything straight!”

After they get everything all cleaned up, Sophie and Sian retire to the side of the road where they can talk about their feelings. Sophie is worried what their pastor is going to say after he caught them snogging and Rosie wanders up to say that he probably thought it was the best party in the world, like everyone else! Sian giggles and Sophie just looks put out. Rosie asks where’s Sophie’s gay pride and Sophie says that it’s not as simple as all that in church.

“Well, then, give up the church and start living!” Rosie says, tossing her hands out to the side in the perfect gesture of “Look at all these f-cks I do not give!”

But Sophie can’t just leave the church because it took her a long time to settle into her faith. And she’s not ready to give it up. And I’m glad. Because I think I am going to really love the upcoming storyline.

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