I’ve seen a lot of comments about how this episode had a
plot, and it did. It had tons of plot. But it also had a theme, and I don’t
mean a musical theme. In fact, musically this episode was kind of forgettable.
Everything in "Never Been Kissed" was about things
being the opposite of what they seem – Coach
Beiste, who’s hard and tough on the outside, turns out to be soft and
lonely on the inside. Tough guy Puck
is scared and runs away, and Kurt
stands up and fights back against the abusive slushy-tossing football goon, who
turns out to be a serious closet case. And, in case anyone out there missed it,
we had the big thematic anvil of this week’s Glee Club challenge: Boys doing
songs conventionally done by girls, and girls doing classic/hard rock.
Of course, we can’t escape the real theme of this season of Glee, which is hygiene. No, no shower
scene this week (sorry, boys), but Sam
and Finn take side-by-side baths –
Finn in steaming hot water, Sam in a tub of ice. (Theme alert.)
The two bond over the fact that they found the "only
two girls in the school who won’t put out," and share tips on how to
"cool off" when things get too hot. Finn, as we know, uses the tragic
encounter of the hood of his car and a postal carrier, and Sam decides to
visualize Coach Beiste in her underwear.
In the halls of McKinley High, slushy-throwing jock goon is
on a rampage of harassing Kurt, slamming him into lockers whenever he sees him.
Also, the Glee Club’s own bad boy is back from his stint in juvie. That’s
right, the Puck drought is over. Let there be rejoicing across the land, etc.
announces that their competition for sectionals will be an all-boys private
school, Dalton Academy ("Oh wait, hold up,"
says Santana. "Like, a million
awesome gay jokes just popped into my head.") and "The
Hipsters," a group of elderly people going for their GEDs.
Will decides to repeat last year’s "boys against the
girls" challenge, and as the groups split up, without even turning around
to see how they’re organizing themselves, he says, "Kurt. I’m going to say
it again: Boys’ team."
Kurt drags himself over to the Neanderthals, I mean, the
guys, and sits down, misery and isolation written all over his face. It would
be his usual tragic diva routine, except it’s clearly not. We know this because
Chris Colfer is a god with the
acting. He can say more with one little quiver of his lip than the rest of the
cast with an hour of well-written speeches.
Also, Mr. Schue? You suck.