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“Coronation Street” recap: A different kind of normal

Last time: Sian and Sophie made the leap from homos to hobos, running away from home with nothing but a fruit basket and all the loose change from Rosie’s purse.

What happens in the next several episodes is that everyone on the street tries to solve the following conundrums: a) Where the eff are Sophie and Sian? And b) Who nearly killed Aadi by smashing his cranium/thumping him in the back of the head? There are a lot of parents screaming at each other about the head bashing, and a lot of Rosie being properly perturbed that her mum and dad won’t use the words “lesbians” and “girlfriends” to describe Sophie and Sian.

When we finally catch back up with Sophie and Sian, they’re working in a dingy diner and they’ve just gotten kicked out of their flat for not being able to pay the rent.

I’ve bragged on Corrie and cried over Corrie and demanded that everyone in my life watch Corrie, but we’ve got a whole lot to cover today because I’ve got to get us fully caught up on Corrie. Sophie and Sian returned in earnest this week and it’s time to start recapping in real-time. So, I’m going to hit the high points, the low points, and then we’re going to survey the wonder that is Rosie’s face.

So, Sophie and Sian are actually homeless now, except for a guy at their work offers to let them crash at his Home For Wayward Lesbians. They accept and end up on a sleeping bag on a mattress in the middle of a bedroom that doubles as a weed factory. Maybe it’s the passive smoking, but Sophie finally starts questioning the whole runaway thing. She asks Sian if home was really worse than this. And Sian says that yeah, she had a bed and hot water and, you know, food – but she didn’t have Sophie.

While Sian’s out at work the next day, one of their new roommates – who is called, I kid you not, “Mickey” – pretends to help Sophie do laundry so he can make a pass at her. Sian comes home to find Sophie sitting outside in the cold. She tells Sian about Mickey and Sian gets so badass so fast it makes me dizzy. She drops her shit on the sidewalk and marches to the door with Sophie trailing along behind her, trying to calm her down. Sian’s not having it; she starts hammering on the door and shouting about how she knows Mickey’s in there with his bong or whatever.

Sophie: Sian, he just tried for a snog!

Sian: Yeah, and did he take “no” for an answer?

Sophie: Well, eventually.

Sian: Eventually?! [banging on the door] I know you’re in there, you scumbag!

Mickey: [opening the door like there’s a monster on the other side] What are you playing at?

Sian: Uh, you’re asking me that? Making a move on her the minute my back’s turned!

Mickey: All right, I got the wrong end of the stick; I’m sorry! I backed off. It’s no biggie.

Sian: Well, it is to me!

Mickey: Who are you, her mum?

Sian: I happen to be her girlfriend, actually.

Mickey: So you two are …?

Sian: You want me to draw you a picture?

Mickey: If you like.

Sian: Oh, you are a serious sleezeball! Sophie get your stuff packed!

Mickey: Come on, it was a misunderstanding; there’s no need to be hasty! We can still be mates! Good mates!

Sophie: I don’t think so, somehow, do you?

At a cafe, Sophie tries to convince Sian that it’s time for them to go home, but Sian explains that her parents – who, amzingly enough, do actually exist – aren’t going to be as cool as Sally and Kevin about: a) the gaymo thing and/or b) the running away thing. Sophie sneaks away to a phone and rings Rosie and tells her to come save them. Rescue Rosie is my favorite Rosie of all Rosies because of how she steals her dad’s car, which she cannot drive, and convinces some random guy to take her to Sophie and Sian even though she only vaguely knows where they are. Also, I have no idea what the hell is going on with her top and probably my favorite thing that has happened on Corrie so far is that Sian is shocked to see her when she shows up because Sophie called her behind Sian’s back, but that’s not even her first thought. The first thing she says when Rosie walks into the cafe is, “What is she wearing?!”

Kevin and Sally are so happy to see Sophie when Rosie brings her home that they don’t even threaten to ground her until she’s dead. And because they’re so happy to see her, they think Sian’s parents will feel the same, so they call her dad right up and invite him over for tea and a chance to reclaim his kid. Sian’s dad is called “Vinnie” and he is just the worst thing.

But you know who is the best thing? Sian. Actually, Sacha Parkinson is the best thing, and she plays this scene with such heartbreaking intensity that if you don’t cry, you are dead inside. (And also dead to me.)

Vinnie says Sian is a selfish cow like her mother, and that she’s grounded until Christmas. If she argues, it’ll be Easter. When Sian starts crying, he tells her to “shut off the waterworks and get in the car.” Sophie’s heart is breaking and she can’t find her words, and so leave it to Rescue Rosie to jump in and tell her dad to do something. Kevin says it’s not his place, and then Sian – brave, beautiful Sian – says to her wanker of a father, “I’ll tell you why we ran away! We’re in love, OK? Me and Sophie are in love!” Hilariously/helpfully, Sophie clarifies, “With each other.”

Three guesses how Vinnie reacts. Bet you don’t need the first two. He tells her that there’s no way she’s a lesbian, that she’s just a kid and can’t possibly be a lesbian. And Rescue Rosie chirps up again: “Um, no Mr Powers, they so are lesbians. They’re, like, properly in love.”

Vinnie: You were in love with that Ryan lad five minutes ago!

Sian: No, not like I love Sophie.

Vinnie: Shut your stupid mouth!

Sophie: Don’t you dare speak to her like that!

Kevin: Look, it’s a shock; me and Sally know what you’re going through.

Vinnie: I’m not going through anything, mate; my daughter is no flaming lesbian! I mean, look at her: she can have any bloke she wants when she’s older! This is all down to born again loony tunes!

Kevin: Hey, you’re out of line!

Sian: [crying] Dad, we kiss and we hold each other! We’re in love!

Vinnie: You grubby cows.

Sally: Get out of my house! Sian is stopping here! We can accept them for who they are even if you can’t!

Vinnie: Kids is what they are! [to Sian] You coming or what?

Sian: [sobbing] No!

Kevin: Go!

Super Sally looks at the Sophie and Sian with so much tenderness and says, “I won’t have you disrespected like that, either of you. I’m still not happy about this, girls, but I am doing my best to accept it. And Sian you’re welcome to stay here as long as you want.”

From “no dungarees in this house” and “lesbian is the worst insult ever” to “I won’t have you disrespected in my house” and “you can stay here as long as you want.” It’s amazing how quickly things shift for most people when they know someone who is gay! (And guess what? Knowing TV characters is like knowing someone who’s gay, and so every person who watches Corrie is learning to love two gay kids. And that changes everything, you guys. I know I keep saying it, but it’s true. This storyline is changing things.)

Kevin and Sally trying it again with both of Sian’s parents the next day, but it’s a total clusterf–k, and it only reinforces Sally’s invitation for Sian to stay as long as she likes. (Also, we find out that Sally has Googled the question “Is it illegal to be a lesbian?”)

The next time Sally is in the shops, Rita takes her out for a drink and this is my favorite grown-up conversation on the whole show so far.

Rita: You must be glad to have Sophie back.

Sally: [tears up and nods]

Rita: [softly] Is Sophie gay?

Sally: [starts to cry for real, nods some more]

Rita: [slightly taken aback, but recovering quickly] Well, how wonderful. How wonderful that you bought her up so well, she knows her own mind and what she wants from life and is bright enough to get her head around it. Not so easy for the likes of you and me though, ey? And isn’t it great that this is 2010 and she hasn’t got to hide anything, like she would have when I was younger – and when you were younger.

Sally: She’s my baby.

Rita: And that hasn’t changed.

Sally: I phoned in work; I told Carla the truth, that I couldn’t come in because of what had happened, and do you know what she said? “I understand Sally because my niece is a dyke.” I mean “gay” is bad enough; “lesbian” I struggle with; but “dyke”? Why are there so many words for it? Words that sound so hateful. I mean, why can’t she just be normal?

Rita: She is normal, Sally.

Sally: She’s a pretty girl; she’s got lovely hair, long hair. And she wears make up.

Rita:: Oh, Sally.

I don’t have time to go into all the ways that conversation is perfect, but the best writing in the world gives words to people who don’t have words for themselves, and in that sense, this is a beautiful, moving scene that has the potential to be every kind of cathartic for parents who are watching. (And gay kids, too!) I mean, if this kind of rational discourse happened on American network TV, kids wouldn’t keep jumping off of bridges because they’re gay.

Super Sally takes the girls back to school to talk things over with the headmaster about how they’ve been away for so long. And her amazingness just keeps coming. It’s like she’s turned on a tap flowing with awesome and it just won’t stop. The headmaster gets weird about why Sophie and Sian missed so much school, saying he heard the rumors about – whisper it! – the g-a-y. Sally literally goes, “They didn’t run of to Lesbos to live in a yurt! Things have been difficult for them. Impossible. They’ve had a lot to cope with.”

The headmaster says there is no way they can catch up now, and Sally goes perfectly berserk.

Shame on you! You just don’t want them here because of the way they are! It’s not like they’ve been on some mad bender, drinking and taking drugs; they’re a couple of decent, honest, hardworking girls that just happen – happened to have fallen in love with each other. Do you know what? They don’t deserve this; we’re not all the same! People are as they are; they shouldn’t have to apologize for it, and if you took your head out of your backside for one second, you might realise that!

All that passion Sally unleashed on Claire when she thought Claire was attacking her kid? She unleashes it on the headmaster, and you can tell that as she’s saying it out loud, she’s finally understanding it – really understanding it – for herself. She marches Sophie and Sian out of the headmaster’s office and decides to send them to school somewhere else.

Later that night, Sally looks through a photo album and Sophie cuddles up with her on the couch.

Sophie: What are you doing? Trying to spot the signs, see where it all went wrong?

Sally: Don’t be daft! Ah, look at that: you had just had your tonsils out. I remember seeing you in that hospital bed, looking all small and pale. I thought I’d die if anything ever happened to you. I loved you so much.

Sophie: Mum…

Sally: All you want to do is protect your kids, keep them safe. You think you can; that’s the stupid thing. You actually think you can

Sophie: Yeah well you were good today, weren’t you? Sticking up for us and everything.

Sally: It’s a very tough world out there. I mean any kind of different is dangerous.

Sophie: I know.

Sally: If I could wave a magic wand right now and make you normal, I’m telling you I’d do it – but I can’t, so I’m just going to have to wait for the shock to wear off, and in time I’ll get used to a different sort of normal.

Sophie: [pointing to a photo of herself in the album] I loved those dungarees. I even slept in them sometimes. Do you think that’s what did it?

What happens next is that Sophie and Sian just are. They walk arm-in-arm down the street and talk about their lives and their days and regular teenage stuff like Facebook and Twitter – and then Rosie burns down the kitchen. Seriously. Kevin and Sally are off in Madrid, and Rosie catches the kitchen on fire, and even then Sian and Sophie are the cutest couple on TV. They try to help her clean up, but then totally let her prostitute herself out to get someone else to do the job.

It’s a cute dynamic, the three of them. And Sophie saves Rosie’s arse when her parents come home from their holiday, asking about why it smells like paint.

The story doesn’t end here. Like I said, it started up again this week and I’m hearing that they really are going to tackle the God/gay thing, and I can’t wait for that. But even if it did end here, I’d stand up and give it a long, slow clap because this has been one of the warmest, most authentic, well-rounded lesbian storylines I have ever seen. I know I keep saying that I can’t believe it’s on TV, but that’s because I can’t believe it’s on TV.

Let’s celebrate The Many Faces of Rosie Webster.

Oh, I forgot to say: That kid who pushed Aadi off the couch finally came clean, so no one’s going to jail anymore over that.

I’ll be back with more Sophie and Sian next week!

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