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“Coronation Street” recap: Lesbians on the Lam

Last time: Sophie and Sian were accused of walloping a kid called Aadi in the head; then they were accused of being lesbians. The second part was true. And Sophie came out to her dad.

This time: The morning after the wedding/Sophie coming out to her dad, Sally is cooking breakfast and you will be shocked to hear that she still hasn’t shut her gob about Claire and how she’s totally mental because Sophie is the straightest straight that Straight Town has ever produced. Rosie offers to do a little PR and set Sophie up with a Bieber lookalike – which is actually one of the funnest thing about this show: the pretty dead-on pop culture references. (ON A SOAP) – but Sophie and her dad exchange glances and tell Rosie to lock it down. (They don’t tell Sally to lock it down, obviously, because telling Sally to lock it down is like telling waves to stop crashing.)

Sophie cuddles up to her dad later and begs him not to tell Sally about how she’s gay. Kevin throws in a little “I love you, but maybe you’re just confused,” and Sophie shoots him down by asking if he’s ever thought about kissing his best mates. He’s like, “NO!” And she’s all, “See? Kissing my best mate is ALL I thought about. You know you’re straight; I know I’m not.”

I don’t want to go off on a zillion tangents today, but I just have to point out a couple of things here.

1) I know I keep comparing this to American TV, but that’s my frame of reference and so it still continues boggle my brain that they are so free with words like “lesbian” and “gay” on Corrie. Grey’s Anatomy, Glee and Modern Family throw it out there like it’s a regular word (which, of course, it is), but other shows with lesbian/bi characters (especially teenage shows) usually steer clear of it. Probably because they know they’re going to flip off the lesbian switch when Sweeps week is over.

2) There’s a real chance that this storyline could have come off like a PSA, especially because it manages to tackle all kinds of protestations people use against gay and lesbian people, but somehow it stays firmly rooted in authentic narrative. (ON A SOAP.) Much of that is down to the acting of Brooke Vincent, right now. And Sacha Parkinson, later on. Both of their coming out scenes are brilliantly well-acted.

3) I’m a big-time shipper and a lot of times, even if shows are shite, I’ll watch them for the lesbian couples. But I have become a super-huge fan of the adult storylines on this show w/r/t Sophie and Sian. The way Sally grapples with everything, including queer language, is masterful. And then there’s Rita – bonus Corrie history fact: she joined the show in 1964 as an exotic dancer! – who talks all kinds of sense into everyone about Sophie. I’m going to quote her properly a little later.

Sophie meets up with Sian in a alleyway, which is the only place they can be safe from prying eyes, I guess. (Except: Doesn’t CCTV cover every single surface in Britain? That’s what Torchwood has led me to believe.) While they’re trying to work through their actual, real life problems, Ryan comes slithering by hissing “catssssss out of the bag girlssssss” and “one man tentsssssss” and “mussssssic fesssssstivals” and “doessssss thisssss jacket make me look like Tom Cruissssse in Top Gun or like a tosssssser?” and then crawls off into the dark. Sophie and Sian decide their very best option is to run away together.

At home, Sophie packs while Rosie watches. Actually, at first she laments that she hasn’t been wolf-whistled at yet today. Also: lipstick.

Rosie: Sophie, I’m sorry but you’re going to have to tough it out – there’s people who are going to think it’s true.

Sophie: It is true, OK? It’s true! I’m in love with Sian, and if I stick around here any longer, Rosie, people are going to try and split us up – especially my mum. Please say something. Please.

Rosie: Sophie, why didn’t you tell me?

Sophie: Because it was easier not to, be cause I never found the right moment, because I was bricking it. I don’t know; how long have you got?

Rosie: Yeah, but I’m your sister!

Sophie: It’s the type of news where everyone goes all weird on you, isn’t it? Remember? Justin Beiber?

Rosie: Sophie, I would never, never have said that if I had known.

Sophie: Because apparently I need a PR strategy, yeah? Because I’ve been called the worst thing in the world.

Rosie: Sophie, I’m a stupid cow and you know that! You know, Sophie, I wish I was the kind of sister that you could talk to.

Sophie: Yeah, well you are now.

Sister scenes, man. They get me every time. And what kind of awards does Britain give to soaps? ‘Cause whatever it is, Brooke Vincent needs one on her bookshelf.

Rosie gives Sophie all of the money in her purse, and she and Sian set out on a bus for Lesbos. With four Royal Galas, two tangerines, two cans of lemonade and 23 pounds.

(American translation: Four apples, two tangerines, two cans of lemonade and $36.85.)

Over at the pub, Sally and Kevin settle in for drinks and Sally is still talking about – waaaaait for it – how NOT GAY Sophie is. Kevin is like, “OK, yeah, but she kind of is. And guess what? She’s still the exact same kid that we’ve been loving for her whole life.” Sally’s number one feeling is: Why didn’t Sophie tell me?! And Kevin drops a truth bomb about how Sally has literally been on a nonstop loop about he horribleness of lesbians for the past 24 hours. Sally’s like, “Sure, but even with all that slander, Sophie has watched Mary Queen of Shops with me and since Mary Portas is a lesbian, obviously I don’t hate lesbians!”

(American translation: “I watch Ellen; of course I like lesbians.”)

They hurry home so Sally can hug it out with her Big Gay Daughter, but Rosie is there with a note instead: “I like boobs, mum. On other girls. Sorry. P.S. You’re out of fruit.”

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