“Thintervention” recap 1.5: Making lesbian lemonade

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Shay and Joe will work with Craig and everyone else will get their Jackie on. Joe feels empowered and loves who he is turning into.

Nikki hates the up and downs, but her cleavage is fantastic.

Mandy says she thinks Nikki sells herself short and has more strength in her than she knows.

Joe’s mommy issues are coming out again and he’s pissed that Jackie is spending more time training Nikki. He says there’s no way in hell Nikki will get to the beautiful body Jackie is looking for in them, but he will. He also forgets that he has always had the least amount of weight to lose out of all of the participants.

 

Craig tells Shay he won’t let the heavy bar “crush her tits." I believe him, because gay men love boobs.

Bryan has been working hard and is starting to see changes in himself. Now, is it just me or do they always go in slow motion to make us feel as though someone is about to have a heart attack?

When the workout is done, Jackie addresses her concerns that they’re not following the program and I’m shocked to find out she agrees with me! Shay and Stacy have been skipping meals and therefore they aren’t following the program. When you skip meals, your body stores your fat. Apparently then the next time you eat something after starving yourself it also gets stored as fat. So then how come I have so much fat when I’m constantly eating?

If you’re not eating every three hours, you’re not following the program. Stacy has to go to the doctor to check on her PCOS, Jeana needs to give up her coconut shrimp and she needs to stop saying yes and just do it. Nikki needs to work out more, stay home more and stop partying. Ready, break.

Nikki loves her Skyping and her cigarettes and keeps getting busted by Jackie, who has brought her a bunch of food. I think Jackie might have a little crush on Nikki. She frustrates me to no end, but out of all of them, I’d hang out with Nikki.

Jackie wants to know about Nikki’s sex life. Nikki starts talking about it and I can’t even bear to type it all out. In fact, I think she made my dogs blush.

Changing the subject, Jackie tells Nikki she needs to catch up with the rest of the group – to which Nikki says they’re all still fat and hideous but she’s going to try anyway.

Jackie doesn’t believe her, and she probably shouldn’t – so she’s going to watch her like a hawk, which is really just what Nikki wanted and probably a bit of what Jackie wanted too. I mean, you don’t see her busting down the door to hang with Stacy do you?

The following day, Jackie goes to surprise Nikki with another check-in but she won’t answer her phone or her door. She leaves frustrated and checks up on Joe at the house he’s renovating.

She says she’s come to train him and he says, “If life gives you muscled-up lesbian lemons, I guess you make lemonade.” I’m refraining from punching him through the screen with my fleshy lesbian lemons.

Jackie says Joe has accused her many times of favoring Nikki and she has seen that and has come to redeem herself. What she doesn’t tell him is that she went to Nikki’s place first thing that morning.

Joe does some pushups on balls, some boxing drills and some ferret face exercises.

Jackie calls over Jeana and Mandy to join them and lets the sexual innuendos fly: “We’re gonna get dirty and wet today.”

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