Hello, class. My name is Mrs. McManus and I’ll be your substitute Grey’s Anatomy recapper while Ms. machine is traveling the world. Open your text books to Season 7 entitled “With You I’m Born Again” aka "What the F–k Happened Last Season?"
Season 7 begins with Meredith’s voice stating statistics on regenerative cells, footage of floating clouds and Derek racing down the highway in a black Porsche cayenne SUV. (Personally, I prefer the Porsche 911 turbo coupe.)
The clouds return and through them we see Dr. Bailey on a plane with her son, traveling back to Seattle. Bailey tells the elderly woman sitting next to her that she went home to see her family for a month. (An entire month! I can’t visit my family for an entire weekend.)
At Seattle Grace Hospital, Richard is surveying the hallways as Meredith sits with a hospital psychiatrist explaining how she’s been cooping since the traumatic events of the Season 6 finale. If you missed last season’s two hour-long, jaw-dropping finale, go watch it immediately or read bad machine’s deluxe recap here. To get you up to speed: the husband of a deceased patient terrorized the hospital, killing 11 people and wounding 18 more, including Derek and Alex.
Meredith tells the psychiatrist that she’s been greatly affected by the shooting but wants to return to work. (Meredith is coping better than I am, because I’m a wreck just typing this recap.)
Meredith explains to the psychiatrist, the new “attractive” male cast member (let’s just give him a name now, how about McBeardy?), that she is bored just sitting at home and is worried about Cristina’s upcoming wedding to Owen.
Just then, Meredith has a flashback to the day of Derek’s shooting. Meredith snaps out of her trance and says, “We’re all fine." Then her beeper goes off and she gives it a knowing look.
Meredith might be “fine” but Derek’s not, because he has been arrested and is in jail, diagnosing the injuries of the other inmates. Wait, does that mean if I ever go to jail I’ll have to perform a comedy set?
Meredith approaches the prison bars and says, “Again, Derek?”
Back at Seattle Grace Hospital, the token lesbian couple stare awkwardly at one another.
That brilliant line of dialogue deserves its own Emmy.
A large crowd of doctors and interns have gathered around the nursing station and are chattering about their summer vacation traumatic leave of absence. Bailey checks in with Richard and learns that she needs to be cleared for surgery by McBeardy.
One hallway away, Meredith and Derek emerge from the elevator bickering about his latest run-in with the police. Derek is not only the Chief of Surgery at Seattle Grace but he’s also the King of Reckless Endangerment.
Cristina joins the Shepard parade down the hallway and flips through a wedding magazine.
Cristina says, “I’m not wearing white! It’s sexist, and vaguely racist." (I totally get it Cristina and that’s why I wore red to my wedding.)
Professional tag-along, Dr. April Kepner, shows up for the parade down the hallway and hands Derek an x-ray. Seriously, how wide are these hallways?
April says she’s been cleared for surgery and Meredith reacts by calling her a “bitch.” (Is that allowed? Shouldn’t Meredith be disbarred or be given a time-out for swearing at a co-worker?)
The parade ends and Derek walks into the crowd of doctors, who all burst into applause. Derek climbs the stairs and addresses the crowd. He thanks them for being supportive through his recovery, thanks Richard for stepping in as the temporary Chief of surgery during his absence and he tells everyone how great it is to be back as Chief. Then Derek pauses and says he hates being Chief.
Derek looks to Richard and says, “Chief Weber is the Chief” and “I quit.”
With that, Derek walks down the stairs and slips out of the room and onto his imaginary Southwest Airlines inflatable slide.