Archive

“Las Aparicio” recap: Episodes 49-51

Julia/Mariana (and Armando — unfortunately)

Julia and Mariana have moved on from cuddling on the patio to making breakfast and arguing over how they prefer their eggs cooked. Did these two even have a honeymoon stage?

Hernan arrives just in time to join them. He tells Mariana that he’s brought her a gift. Even though he’s super busy trying to save the world, he still has time to drop by a bookstore to pick up some relevant literary titles.

He hands Mariana a copy of Utopia by Thomas More. And shows them the book he bought for himself: The New Homosexuality: The Homosexual Experience. If it says “homosexual” in the title more than once it has to be double the gay. Since Hernan is a busy man, I imagine he figured this would make him Officially Cultured in the ways of Gay in half the time.

Hernan: And after that, I passed by a gay store. I was going to pick up a gay magnet for you.

I half expect Hernan to show up one episode wearing a vest with some pride flare on it:

Also, I totally have that shirt.

And then, because his name hasn’t been spoken for at least 5.2 seconds, Armando calls. Julia excuses herself from the table to have a conversation with her ex-boyfriend about 2 feet away from her girlfriend, which makes Mariana want to stab things and Hernan think, “Uh oh.”

Armando needs Julia’s help right now because the poor thing broke his arm while beating up Mariana’s plants and now it means he can’t function. I’m amazed he managed to pick up the phone at all in his condition.

Mariana tells Julia that she can go, if she wants, which is girlfriend speak for, “If you leave right now we are going to get into a massive fight when you get back.” Julia’s been a woman long enough to know that’s precisely what it means, so she sits back down and says she’s eating her breakfast.

She does go to Armando’s eventually, though. Armando proceeds to whine about his failed career as a soccer player and then states that Julia should get back together with him.

Armando: Why not? Tell me what happened that was so bad. Did you fake orgasms, or what?

Julia: Sometimes. Like any woman. But, so you know, mostly I had a good time.

And because real orgasms = the only necessary foundation of a happy relationship, Armando asks why, then, did she leave him in Spain.

Because of Mariana, Armando. MARIANA. The lesbian whose Kung Fu-fighting greenery broke your arm.

Julia: What I felt for her was very strong, the same as what I feel for you. I’m going to make you something to eat and you’re going to eat it or else I’m not leaving.

Julia Aparicio, ladies and gentlemen. Someday-author of The Idiot’s Guide to Lesbisexualism: The Art of Mixed Messages.

Meanwhile, Mariana sits alone on her futon watching TV, where the only commercial currently airing in Mexico is the infomercial she and Julia made. This only serves to make Mariana grumpier than she already was.

And then she decides to cheer herself up:

Mariana: Let’s see, Mariana, she’s with Armando. Trust her. Trust her.

Let’s see, Mariana, she’s with Armando. Don’t trust her. Don’t trust her.

Over at Armando’s, Julia prepares his meal while Armando sits around reading a magazine. And then he’s all, “Are you leaving already? Are you coming back tomorrow?” He’ll need her to come back to cut his toe nails, do his laundry and wipe his butt. It’s true love, people.

But Julia says she may or may not be back because any kind of black and white decision is too complicated for her to make, and wouldn’t the world be a better place if she could just come back and not come back at the same time?

Armando says that everything with Julia is always complicated, which I guess is a good thing because he looks intently into her eyes.

And then this happens:

We can surmise that this kiss was so earth shattering and amazing that it tossed Julia’s notions of monogamy right out the window.

But she somehow manages to resist him.

We open on episode 50 with him and Julia talking on the phone. Julia’s at Mariana’s and Mariana isn’t there because she “went out to do some things.” I can think of some things Mariana could be doing. And by “some things” I mean Julia. But they had sex that one time so they’re good to go for at least two or three years. Lesbians are like sexual camels.

Armando wants to know if Julia is going to tell Mariana about their kiss. Julia subscribes to the idea that kissing is No Big Deal and so she doesn’t see why she should tell Mariana anything.

Armando: But you told me that your relationship was based on trust…

Normally, yes, but honesty is really inconvenient for Julia right now.

Just then, Mariana returns from her late-night grocery shopping, and Julia quickly gets off the phone.

Mariana’s in good spirits and asks Julia how it went with Armando. Julia answers by being vague which naturally leads Mariana to question her further.

Mariana: Are we going to be one of those couples that doesn’t tell each other things?

Julia: No, I just wonder if you want to know the whole truth or if you just want to know things superficially.

Mariana: What a stupid question. Obviously, I want to know the truth.

Julia: Well, the truth is that nothing major happened. We just talked … and then he kissed me.

Mariana: He kissed you … or you kissed each other?

Julia: What difference does it make? He got close to me and—

Mariana: Did you sleep with him, Julia?

Julia: No, and that’s why I’m telling you. Because I want our relationship to be based on honesty.

Mariana: Thanks for your honesty, Julia.

Except, you know, she’s not really grateful, because even Mariana is not that much of a masochist. So she leaves and Julia slaps her own forehead and we move on.

While all of this has been going on, the other Aparicio women (and Hernan) have been hard at work trying to catch the man responsible for the kidnapping and sexual torture of a young girl. The girl’s been living at the Aparicio house and has warmed her way into everyone’s hearts.

The gravity of the girl’s situation leads Mariana to realize that there are bigger things in life than the issue of her girlfriend kissing Armando. So she sits Julia down for a talk.

Mariana: Julia, you and I have a home. We never lack for food.

Julia: We have a family …

Mariana: Family. Support. In the end, all of these arguments, all the bad moods, all the small details, the kiss with Armando, they’re things that … I don’t know, Julia, it’s not worth it. It’s not worth being angry at each other because of them, you understand? Because in the end, you and I have love. We have love, right?

Julia: Yes.

Phew. Crisis averted. Everything is sunshine and rainbows and fluffy bunnies again.

So then, Julia and Mariana, armed with their desire for world peace, go visit Armando. They spend about five minutes trying to get the nerve up to say what they came to say. Then they cryptically state that they have an offer for him. The writers thought it would be fun to end the episode there so that everyone watching could scream, “NOOOOO!!” And throw things at their screens.

No worries though. The offer was actually one of (platonic) love and peace, as we come to discover at the beginning of episode 51. They just want to be BFFs with him. It’s the Mature and Enlightened Thing To Do.

Armando responds to this offer with sarcasm, which leads to these faces:

Oh well, it was worth a try.

Armando: Mariana, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

So much for love and peace.

Later on, Julia and Mariana are cooking at the Aparicio house and Aurelia is going on about how fathers will go to the ends of the earth for their daughters and Julia subtly tries to get her to change the subject. Then Aurelia remembers that Mariana is in the room and tries to apologize. Mariana makes a big show about being upset, and Aurelia is beside herself with guilt until she realizes that Mariana is just pretending.

Meanwhile, Armando goes to Alma and asks her to convince Julia to go back to him. In the process, he tells Alma a huge secret that he makes her swear not to tell anyone. Sadly, we don’t find out what the secret is, although perhaps he’s discovered the Law of Attraction and doesn’t realize Rhonda Byrne already let the cat out of the bag. Regardless, Alma isn’t going to try to get Julia back together with him. But she does suggest that he explores his feminine side.

His response to that is something like:

And next thing we know, look who’s in Alma’s workshop?

Over at Apartment Torres Wilson, Hernan shows up per Mariana’s request. Hernan notices that she’s been reading Pinocchio and Mariana says she loves the part where the father battles through anything to find his son. Hernan starts to apologize, but Mariana stops him. She tells him that after the whole situation with Renata and learning everything she’s gone through, she realized that she’d been selfish, like Pinocchio. And she proposes to act less like Pinocchio if he’s willing to act more fatherly like Geppetto. Hernan agrees.

Elsewhere, Armando once against uses his Gay Person Stalking device to track Julia down. She happens to be at the gym. Armando’s had a change of heart and now wishes to be friends. They argue about this because they’re incapable of not arguing about everything. Julia doesn’t believe that Armando could be just friends with a woman, which makes me wonder why she and Mariana went all the way to his apartment to propose just that. But whatever. Armando says he’s changed.

He can change, he can change! Some people think that he’s a bad guy, they may be right … they may be right! But it’s not as if he doesn’t try … he just f–ks up, try as he might …

Julia: Did you smoke pot?

Probably. He goes into a monologue about a giant pendulum and also soccer and a team losing and winning and I spaced out. I’m not sure Julia’s following either but she seems to like this New And Improved Armando because she tells him to keep doing whatever he’s been doing.

Armando: So….friends?

He aims, he shoots … he SCORES.

Oh, goodie.

Meanwhile, Mariana and Hernan are bonding over things that make them feel super happy. You know what makes Mariana super happy?

Mariana: Julia’s smile.

Aww!

Hernan: You know what makes me a happy man? Knowing that I have a beautiful daughter, who’s brave and sure of herself. I love knowing that you’re so passionate. I love it. And it makes me the happiest man.

*sniff*

And that, my friends, is how we end the episode. It’s nice to see Mariana getting some love and affection, even if it’s not coming from Julia.

Ingrid Díaz is the author of Alix & Valerie, a professional blogger and non-recovering coffee addict. In her college days, she was a purple-haired LGBT rights activist. These days, she aims to change the world one lesbian love story at a time. You can read some of her work at www.midnightisland.com.

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Back to top button