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“Las Aparicio” recap: Episodes 46-48

Rafaela and Mercedes

Team up with Hernan, Claudio and Leonardo to help catch a pedophile. Meanwhile, the entire Aparicio household welcomes a kidnapped girl who suffered many years of sexual and emotional abuse. They provide her with shelter, love and friendship, while doing their best to bring her captor to justice.

Alma

Gives being with Alejandro a shot. But you know she’s going to go back to Leonardo eventually. Leonardo is still seeing Maximo’s ghost everywhere who keeps nudging him to investigate Rafaela and Alma.

Julia/Mariana (and Armando)

In a time of ancient gods, warlords, and kings, a bitter goddess cursed all the lesbians in Mexican soap operas:

Thou shalt not enjoy a moment of happiness, for if you should ever enjoy a moment of happiness, a curly-haired soccer player will return from Spain to confuse your lesbisexual girlfriend and other bad stuff will happen, too.

Well, it went something like that, anyway. It is rumored that this goddess failed out of the Derek Zoolander School for Kids Who Can’t Read Good (And Want To Learn How To Do Other Things Good Too). But no one likes to talk about that.

What I’m trying to say is that Armando is back.

You know on Friends when Rachel finds Joey’s copy of The Shining in the freezer and Joey tells her that it got too scary so he had to put it in the freezer? Well, I am writing this recap from the freezer. And brr, it’s cold in here (there must be some toros in the atmosphere).

So where were we?

Okay, so Julia and Mariana have sex, which means that somewhere in Spain lightning lit up the sky and Armando’s lesbian virgin-alarm (designed to go off before Julia does) beeped violently, forcing him to jump into the nearest teleportation device and return to Mexico.

When episode 46 kicks off, we’re in the middle of an earthquake, which none of the Aparicio sisters notice because they’re busy creating earthquakes of their own. And by creating earthquakes I mean having sex.

The next morning at breakfast, Ileana greets them with, “Did you feel that earthquake?!” And Alma and Mercedes are like, “And by ‘earthquake’ you mean…?”

Over at Mariana’s, Julia delivers coffee through the drive-thru window in Mariana’s room, because breakfast in bed is too boring for Miss Julia Aparicio, who prefers to put an entire wall between her and the object of her affection.

Mariana is having trouble waking up but Julia lures her out of bed with the promise of coffee and then watches her get dressed, which seems to me like the opposite of what they should be doing.

Mariana joins Julia on the terrace and giggles shyly as Julia hands her some coffee.

Mariana: How are you?

Julia: I feel like the first time I’ve ever been with a girl.

Mariana: Do you have something to confess?

Julia: No I mean it literally.

They put down their coffee and Mariana pulls Julia closer.

Mariana: How are you?

Julia: How do I look?

Mariana: Gorgeous.

Julia: Well, I feel good. I feel stronger, happier. I don’t know, I feel like I have an earthquake in my head.

I think that’s called a migraine. But earthquakes in the head are apparently a good thing because they keep smiling and petting each other.

Mariana says that for her, the earthquake was a 10 on the Richter scale.

Julia: Oof, destruction.

Mariana: You destroy me.

Which sounds like a bad thing, but it’s backwards day and so it’s actually a good thing.

Later on, Julia looks online for auditions for the two of them, but like any good lesbian, Mariana wants to talk about feelings.

Mariana: I just want to know how you feel and what you’re going to tell your family.

Julia starts to say that she figures her family’s already expecting her to come crashing out of the closet any second, but before she can finish her monologue…

Julia: Armando, what are you doing here?

Armando: Julia, my love.

Mariana: No …

Julia: How did you get here? Why? When?

Answers: Teleportation device. To make lesbians cry. During the earthquake. In fact, his arrival caused the earthquake.

But no, Armando returned because without Julia he was suffering like Mariana in Spain. He had to come back and reclaim his love and in the process STOMP ALL OVER OUR HOPE. Oh, and also, they kind of kicked him out of the whole soccer world so he kind of had to come back. Julia tells him they should talk elsewhere and tells Mariana she’s going to go talk to him. Mariana knows her 2.5 seconds of happiness are almost up. On the plus side, she’s still alive, which is progress. Although I’d keep away from windows if I were her.

A little later, Hernan shows up to tell Mariana that he’s totally cool with her being a lesbian and that he’s sorry for saying dumb things. They agree to have a father-daughter dinner together so he can prove that he can be around his lesbian daughter without saying more dumb things. And even though Mariana is grumpy about Armando’s return, she’s pretty happy about Hernan’s acceptance.

Julia and Armando have lunch together. Julia avoids all the hard questions like, “Do you still love me?” Because seeing as she’s in love with Mariana, the answer should theoretically be, “No, I do not.” But Julia is a special and unique snowflake, full of complex emotions, so the answer to this question is an unspoken yes. But she tells Armando that things can’t be as they were before. Armando guesses that there’s someone else.

Armando: What’s the jerk’s name?

Julia: That jerk is named Mariana.

Smoke starts to come out of Armando’s ears and his nostrils flare and he glares and growls and tells Julia to stay away from him.

Instead of going to Mariana’s and telling her, oh, I don’t know, something, Julia goes to her mom’s house and sits around looking emo until Rafaela sits down and tells her that she’ll support all of Julia’s decisions and that she’ll be there for her no matter what, which would seem to me like a perfect moment to come out of the closet. But no.

So, Mariana. You know that dinner she was supposed to have with Hernan? Well, she prepared it but Hernan ends up standing her up.

While Mariana sits in her kitchen all alone, her father and her girlfriend are having dinner with the rest of the Aparicio family.

It takes Hernan all evening to remember that he’s got a daughter that he was supposed to have dinner with, which means he’s going to get a really nasty card for Father’s Day.

Julia spends the night at the Aparicio house, which I don’t understand because she and Mariana should’ve been locked in a bedroom for at least a week.

Armando has put his GPS (Gay Person Stalking) device to good use lately because he seems to find Julia no matter where she is. And so he shows up at the Aparicio house to start a huge fight, which brings all the Aparicios to the yard.

Julia: What are you doing here? I told you not to come back.

Armando: How could I not come back? I have to ask your forgiveness.

Julia: Forgiveness for what? For the way you talked to me or forgiveness for everything or …

Armando: Everything, Julia. Just forgive me, please.

Julia: There. Forgiven. But understand that this has nothing to do with you. You can leave without worries. I can’t believe that you don’t understand that this is something completely independent and that it has nothing to do with you.

Armando: Of course it has something to do with me. It has to do with me 100%. Because of me you’re a lesbian.You hate men.

Julia: No, Armando, you’re very wrong. I can’t believe you’d say so many stupid things in the same sentence! Seriously, don’t think of yourself as so important. I’m not a lesbian nor am I anything because of you!

Armando: It’s a phase.

Julia: What?!

Armando: I understand it! But we can get through it together.

Julia: A phase?

Armando: Yes!

Julia: Together? What are you talking about? I’m going to repeat myself one more time and I hope it’s the last time I have to tell you like this: I’m with Mariana BECAUSE I WANT TO BE WITH MARIANA! Because we love each other!

Ileana: You decided to stay with Mariana?!

Alma: ILEANA!

Ileana: What?Julia: Thanks a whole lot for coming to ruin everything. Now could you please get out of here and we’ll talk some other time?

Well, that’s one way to come out to your family.

After that colorful outing, Ileana throws a tantrum about Julia being gay while the Aparicio women come down on her for her close-mindedness. Julia just stands there looking pained. She could’ve avoided all this by staying in bed with Mariana. Just saying.

Rafaela tells everyone to STFU.

Rafaela: Are you happy with Mariana?

Julia: (nods)

Rafaela: That’s the only thing that matters. If you’re happy, then the rest of us are happy. And count on all of our support.

Julia cries. Everyone hugs her.

At Mariana’s, Hernan comes to apologize for standing her up. Mariana is not having any of it. She tells him that if he wants to be a Dad to the rest of the world, to go be one, because she doesn’t need a father she never had. And ushers him out.

Back at the Aparicio house, Julia walks barefoot through the grass until Rafaela joins her.

Julia: That’s not how I wanted you to find out, mom. I’m sorry.

Rafaela: Things aren’t always how you want them to be. It makes me really happy that you’ve decided to end your confusions, even if the path you’re taking isn’t the easiest.

Julia: I know it’s not the easiest. I’m not stupid.

Rafaela: I just want you to know that your mother is your mother. Your family is your family. And we’re with you for whatever you need. Invite Mariana to dinner.

And finally, Julia smiles with relief.

Happy Julia calls up Mariana and they go out for lunch together, where Julia fills Mariana in on all the happenings and the Very Special coming out scene. And then they start joking around about creating a series about how Julia survived being an Aparicio. Meanwhile, Mariana gets touchy feely.

And some people at a nearby table get up and leave, which Julia interprets as them being uncomfortable with the lesbian PDA. But that’s impossible because Mercedes TOTALLY DEFEATED HOMOPHOBIA a few episodes ago. So my guess is they were just done with their meal.

Mariana: Your mom’s right. Things aren’t going to be easy.

Julia: I’m sorry, my love. Forgive me.

Mariana: It’s cool.

But it’s not so cool, because a little later they’re on set to shoot that infomercial from a couple of episodes ago and Mariana confesses that she feels really uncomfortable about what happened. Julia explains that she’s new to all of this and she’s worried about the children and the old people who might not understand two girls holding hands at a restaurant.

Confused children and old people are the leading cause of violence in Mexico. They see two women holding hands and think, “My goodness, what is that? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?” And in their frazzled state they stumble into a passing waiter who falls head first into the cleavage of a big-breasted woman. Her possessive sumo wrestler of a husband yells, “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING? GET OUT OF THERE!” and punches the waiter, sending him reeling into another group of people. The whole restaurant BREAKS INTO CHAOS. Someone calls the cops. The press arrives. The headlines the next day read: “LESBIANS HOLD HANDS, CAUSE RIOT.”

Mariana understands, she just wants to talk more because lesbian processing saves lives.

Later on, they go to Casa Aparicio for dinner and Mariana is nervous because she’s never been there as Julia’s girlfriend before. Rafaela arrives and hugs Mariana.

And then Mariana loses some of her shyness.

Then there’s dinner. Isadora voices her confusion and Mariana says that it’s also weird for her to be Julia’s girlfriend, but asks if it would be cool if they got used to it together. Then Ileana arrives. And Hernan. And Mercedes. And Aurelia starts her closing monologue while Julia feeds Mariana. I figure it’s because Mariana’s hands are busy under the table.

Episode 48 picks up during dessert. Ileana catches Hernan up on the events of the week before he arrived, telling him about Mariana getting harassed by Rodo and his band of merry men. Then Mariana changes the subject and she and Julia go on to talk about their hilarious encounter with an overweight director. They’re giggling and falling over each other, which makes Ileana throw up a little in her mouth from all the cuteness. So she excuses herself to go read the Bible and piously masturbate to the porn beneath her mattress.

Later on, Julia and Mariana leave and Mercedes, Hernan and Rafaela remain. Mercedes points out that Mariana looks happy and Hernan agrees. Rafaela admits that she’s having a little bit of trouble understanding the relationship, even though she saw it coming for a long time. Hernan says it was hard for him at first. Mercedes says that for her, the only concern with the relationship is what would happen to their friendship should things not work out.

Rafaela: Let’s hope that doesn’t happen.

Later that evening, Armando shows up at Mariana’s yelling for Julia. He’s stumbling over drunk. Julia isn’t at Mariana’s which means he must’ve left the GPS device at the bar. Mariana tells him that Julia isn’t there, but he doesn’t believe her and spends a few seconds searching the apartment.

Armando: Damnit, Mariana! Julia was my woman why did you get in between us?

Mariana: I didn’t get in between anyone.

Yet.

Anyway, he yells a lot and tells Mariana that Julia loves him so she’s going to leave Mariana any second now. Then he roars. And for a second I think he’s going to convert into a werewolf, which would make all of this way more fun. But he doesn’t. He just knocks over a flower pot with his arm and winds up in the emergency room. Mariana takes him.

The next morning, when they get back from the hospital, Mariana and Armando wind up at Armando’s new apartment. She makes fun of his artwork. Then Julia arrives and Mariana leaves them alone to talk about their feelings. Once Mariana leaves, Julia apologizes for avoiding him. But Armando is angry and calls Julia immature. Then he tries to open a beer bottle but seeing as he’s only got one good arm, he fails, so Julia opens it for him and tells him to come talk to her in the living room.

In the living room, Armando tells Julia why he got kicked off the soccer team, which essentially boils down to him refusing to sleep with the soccer director’s wife. His refusal offended her so she told her husband that Armando came on to her. This didn’t end well for Armando. So, now he has lost everything — his career, his love — and Julia tells him not to be dramatic, because only she’s allowed to be dramatic.

Julia suggests that they become BFF, but Armando says no because BFFs don’t have sex with each other and that means it’s a raw deal for him.

Later on, Julia and Mariana do what any two girls in love do: Sit around talking about the one girl’s ex-boyfriend.

Mariana is playing on her phone while Julia talks about Armando. I’m sure she’s tweeting something like, “I should be having sex right now. #sufrocomoyosola.”

Finally, Julia notices that Mariana isn’t happy, and asks why ever not. Mariana points out that they’re not best friends any more and that her job description no longer reads, “Listen to girlfriend talk about ex.” But Julia wants to have her cake and eat it, too, and she doesn’t understand why she can’t talk about her ex-boyfriend to her girlfriend and have her girlfriend care. It’s mystifying.

But later that evening, Julia gets tired of sitting around all alone and joins Mariana in bed. Mariana is still annoyed, but she’s also whipped beyond recognition so it takes approximately half a second for Julia to make her laugh. And laughing leads to cuddling.

And though she can feel the clouds of inevitable doom gathering overhead, Mariana does her best to hold on to her happiness.

Ingrid Díaz is the author of Alix & Valerie, a professional blogger and non-recovering coffee addict. In her college days, she was a purple-haired LGBT rights activist. These days, she aims to change the world one lesbian love story at a time. You can read some of her work at www.midnightisland.com.

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