TV

“True Blood” mini-cap 3.9: “Everything is Broken”

I love how dramatic this episode started out. Eric bursts into Fangtasia to find Pam and tells her he “staked the lover of Russell Edgington” yelling at her “Where can we go?!” Pam suggests Sookie’s but Eric shoots her down.

Ginger walks into the room. Considering Pam is in her bra and Ginger isn’t looking super trashtastic tonight, it’s possible they just got it on. Anyway, Pam tells Ginger they need her house. Ginger asks if it’s because of the V Feds. Uh oh.

They walk out of the office, Pam having put on a pink velour sweatshirt, and there is Nan Flanagan the HBIC (Head Bitch in Charge) of the AVL (American Vampire League).

Eric tells her the bar is closed and she says she’s already eaten – “True Blood only, of course.” Mhm. She’s there to Silver Eric’s ass for something but he’s done so much wrong, we don’t know what he’s getting taken down for yet. Was it for staking a lover?

At the mansion, the King returns to find Talbot’s remains. They are insanely bloody and sticky and Russell immerses himself in them, taking a second to notice his Viking crown is missing from the display case. Back to the bloody entrails.

Sookie is in the shower and Bill decides to join her. He sucks on the holes in her neck softly as the blood drips off their bodies and into the drain. Sexy?

Once dried off and dressed, Sookie discovers a dead nude man/werewolf in her living room. She instructs Bill to take him to the wold tarp out back after covering the body with a towel.

“Normal couples do not do this, Bill Compton!” He retorts, “I thought you’d given up on being like normal couples.” “Just once I’d like to not find a dead body in my house. Is that asking too much?” Yes, yes it is. Bill says the werewolf was there to kill her – would she rather have had that happen?

Sookie takes the opportunity to ask Bill about his secret file on her. He says it’s because he wanted to know what she is, but he still has no idea. “Keeping a file on the woman you love is creepy,” Sookie said. “Stop thinking of me of a thing to be protected.” She feels “half-way to vampire” after having had to spill some blood in the past six months.

Jason returns home to see Crystal’s boyfriend attacking her. Crystal says Jason kidnapped her and raped her and Jason wants a lot of money for ransom.

When the drug dealing BF lunges at Jason and knocks the gun out of his hand, Crystal comes up behind the two and knocks the guy out with the rifle. “Could you not make me a rapist?” Jason asks her. “I’m sorry!” she says and instructs him that they have to tie him up with rope because he can escape handcuffs. “What is he – a magician?” Jason asks. We still have no clue what exactly the drug dealers are besides, uh, drug dealers.

Eric is no longer being silvered. Apparently that was just to let him know what’s up; he’s now being interrogated. Nan says it’s strange that the basement is as “sterile as an operating room.” Seems like it’s been sweeped clean and that’s not what it usually looks like. She wants an official statement on what happened to the Magister. She turns on some web cams for The Authority to watch as Eric gives a statement.

Eric tells them there has been a long-running pattern of wolves fueled by vampire blood attacking communities and their leaders. He gives the 411 on Russell: “He doesn’t want to co-exist with humans; he wants to subjugate them.” He tells them about Sophie-Ann being kidnapped and how Russell killed the Magister. Pam looks on, having not known about any of this – including the massacre that happened to Eric’s family years ago.

“I want him to die at my own hands. I have waited a thousand years for this,” Eric says into the camera. Nan turns it off. “The authority will review your statement.” She thinks she’s wasted her time listening to a “load of bull s–t.” Since the King just donated half a million dollars to the VRA (Vampire Rights Amendment), it seems odd to Nan that he’d be against everything they do, which is largely keeping the peace among vampires and humans. She tells them Fangtasia is on lockdown and leaves.

Sam and Tara are having a heart-to-heart, but Tara’s still not ready to talk about what happened. She refuses to go to a shrink but Sam wants her to think about it. They’re interrupted by a call – Tommy is having a really fun, loud time across from Arlene’s place, and she is not happy about it. She needs nine hours of sleep “for the baby!”

Tommy and a blonde named Nicole, er, Natalie are naked when Sam arrives. Sam says they have to keep it down for the neighbors’ sake. “Are you telling me that as my landlord as my dad?” Tommy says. Sam leaves and Nicole-Natalie says, “That’s your dad?” She is obviously thinking he’s a DILF.

Crystal, who says she used to be a rodeo-champ, is tying up her ex to a tree in the woods while Jason fakes a Southern women’s accent to report a man with vampire blood that (s)he thinks might be a drug dealer. They get out of there as fast as they can, not too worried that the local cops can distinguish a phony voice. (They can’t, really.)

Lafayette and Jesus are hanging out post-non-televised-gay-sex. Jesus has a jaguar tattoo on his chest, which Lafayette decides to kiss.

Ruby is finally ready to go back to the home with Jesus. She’s put on some of Lafeyette’s make-up and she feels glammed out. She tells him he looks different; he doesn’t have “his mask on.” “That’s cuz you’ve been in there hogging all my stuff.” She likes him better without cosmetics and asks if “he did this to you” meaning Jesus. “I’ll be damned. Maybe God loves fags!”

She leaves saying “Come see me Lala!” and Jesus and Lala say they’ll see each other later. La la la la la, warm it up!

At the police station, Jason and Crystal find out an officer went down trying to find a man tied to a tree that they received a call about. They have worse trouble, though – Crystal’s cousin is being led through to his arraignment and he spots her sitting on the desk. Now he thinks she’s a narc. Jason tells Andy he has an idea: The V they found on the scene could be linked back to the meth lab they busted last week. Andy says he’ll call the lab to find out if they can get any DNA from the vamp blood and Jason heads out excitedly. But then Andy pulls the V from his desk drawer – so now the lab won’t be able to find out anything other than they ain’t never heard nothin bout no V.

Tara goes to a rape survivor group where she sees Holly, the new waitress at Merlotte’s. Holly tells her story, of how she was locked in a room at her old job by a co-worker, who raped her for five hours. She said it’s hard for her, but she believes “people are worth trusting” and she’s becoming stronger everyday. Tara has tears in her eyes, but it looks like she might have found the right space to talk about her experience.

Meanwhile, Hadley calls Sookie, who hasn’t been to work in ages, and asks her to meet her at the aquarium nearby. Hadley is waiting there with a young boy – it’s her son that she hasn’t seen in over a year. Sookie is confused so Hadley explains she got involved with vampires, specifically Sophie-Ann, “the vampire Queen of Louisiana.” “I told her things; I told her about you and the powers you got. I didn’t think anything of it and suddenly she’s interested!” Now Hadley feels responsible for why Russell is after her. Hadley begs Sookie to lay low and introduces her son, Hunter, to Aunt Sookie. She needs to know if he’s “like Sookie.”

Sookie begins reading his mind and brings him over to watch the fishes while Hadley watches from nearby. They begin having a discussion in their minds, and Hadley can tell what’s going on. “Oh sweet Lord, no!” She takes off with Hunter in hand, the kid yelling “She knows! She knows!”

She knows what? She now knows that her cousin Hadley is a big old dyke? She didn’t seem to care so it’s all good, kid.

At Merlotte’s, Arlene accuses Tommy of stealing her tips. “Since when has a four-top left me a two dollar tip?” she asks Sam. She demands a raise. and Sam tells his bro he’s taking the money out of his salary. Arelene runs off crying to the back and Holly goes to find her and give a pep talk. “I’ve seen worse – a lot worse.” Um yeah, I’d say so.

Arlene says that coming to work used to be the best part of her day. She breaks down and tells Holly she doesn’t want the child. His daddy was “pure evil.” She knows Terry is going to find out – unless the baby somehow doesn’t look Cuban or have serial killer tendencies. She won’t have an abortion though – “It’s plain wrong!” Holly tells her there’s other ways to resolve it and Arlene sobs on her shoulder.

Bill is sleeping when he suddenly feels water dripping down through the floorboads and onto his face. He is in Sookie’s little dreamland, wearing really tight white jeans and a flowy see-through shirt.

He instantly tries to kill the woman there but she does the sparky light thing Sookie can do and he is blasted onto his back. She asks if Bill has killed Sookie. Bill says he hasn’t but he wants to know what Sookie is so she can protect herself. “Please, what in God’s name are you?”

The guards are still guarding Fangtasia and Eric can’t sleep. Pam comes out of their makeshift coffin in the office and wants to know why Eric never mentioned anything about Russell and his family. “You didn’t need to carry it all by yourself,” she tells him. “The burden is mine alone.” Pam has been with Eric so long; she refuses to believe he’ll be found guilty of killing the Magister when he didn’t do it. “You must make a new vampire,” he tells Pam. “It is your time to be a maker.” She begins to cry. She’s not interested in making anyone do anything but lez out with her.

Jessica is upset when Hoyt brings Summer to Merlotte’s. Summer quite enjoys the scene and tries to introduce herself kindly but Jessica’s fangs come out. She storms off in embarrassment. She just can’t control her urges. Summer is so proud of Hoyt for getting over vamps who “have no life in them.”

Once Summer hits the ladies’, Jessica apologizes to Hoyt and says Summer “seems… short.” Hoyt says he hates Summer and Jessica can’t help but smile.

“Then what are you doing with her?” “Guess it beats sitting around, thinking ’bout you.” Jessica begins to cry (so many blood and tears this episode) and Tommy comes over, giving Hoyt the stink eye. “What the f–k is your problem?”

Jason tells Crystal the cops are busting Hot Shot. She freaks out: “They’re my kin! We gotta get up there and warn them.” She doesn’t want the kids up there to get sent into the system. Lucky for her, Jason isn’t super smart so he doesn’t ask her why the hell she doesn’t explain all this stuff ahead of time, like when they were at the police station.

Jesus ordered the veggie burger with bacon, just to see if Lafayette would make it for him. He did and brings it out front for his bf. “You ain’t finish that, and you don’t get no dessert.” He walks away with a sassy sway. Girl, you betta work.

Tara sees it all go down and wants to know the details. She teases that it’s going to all go downhill after their two days of bliss. She apologizes, saying there’s no reason he shouldn’t trust Jesus. “I’m happy for you baby.” She’s obviously trying to put some optimism back into her life – or into her life for once.

Russell is on top of Fangtasia speaking into the urn which he calls Talbot – aka his lover’s remains. He says the American Vampire League will suffer and flies off into the night.

Nan bursts in to tell Eric the ruling. In short, “None of this ever happened.” The American Vampire League wants to forget this all happened and is going to let Eric get the revenge he wants, as long as he does it quietly. Nan demands Eric to bring her Russell’s fangs and to make the entire mess disappear.

Crystal’s dad wants to fight Jason but Sam steps in, slamming him into a table, hitting him over the head with a bottle, and kicking him while he’s down. The entire bar watches in awe as Sam beats him into a bloody pulp. Hoyt and Jason finally pull him off.

Tommy looks pleased to have seen his brother wile out.

Jesus and Lafayette are taking the guy to the hospital, and Crystal chases after them. She’s going with, no matter what Jason says. “He is my daddy and he’s the only one I got!” Jason says she’s being an idiot. She pushes him away saying no one controls her life.

She takes off with the two gays driving the truck. Butches!

Tara was watching it all happen by the door, until she’s pushed into a dark corner by Franklin. “I killed you!” she said, but we all know she just smashed his head in. She didn’t stake him. He is upset she didn’t mourn and that she really did try to kill him. “You violated me and terrorized me because that’s what vampires do and you’re calling that love!” Tara said. Franklin promises to mourn her as she shakes, demanding he kill her quickly because she won’t beg for her life from him. He would like that too much. She just wants to be free of him. He begins to choke her until Jason points his rifle at him. Franklin is not threatened by a firearm. Don’t any humans know how to kill a vampire correctly?

But once he’s shot, he dies instantly; Jason has wooden bullets. Bye bye Franklin!

Bill goes to Sookie and she wants to know about the Queen; was Bill with her? He’s perplexed but says he knows why Sophie-Ann and Russell now want her. He explains he was in that weird Sookie-land because he drank so much of her blood. “Sookie – I know what you are.”

Nan is in a limo on the way to the airport. She’s very busy and important, but a female’s leg begins to caress her face. Nan takes a big bite of the half-nude woman’s thigh. I love that the most powerful vamps on the show are gay women.

Suddenly Nan hears a commotion come from the TV screen in the limo. Russell has interrupted the newscast by pulling out the spine of the anchor. He holds it in his blood-stained hands as he makes his speech to humans.

“In the end, we are nothing like you. We are immortal. We drink the true blood – blood that is living, organic and human. That is the truth the AVL wishes to conceal from you.” He explains that vampires are only pretending to be OK with seeking equal rights – “You are not our equals. We will eat you after we eat your children.”

Women and children first!

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Back to top button