TV

“True Blood” mini-cap 3.6 “I Got a Right to Sing the Blues”

So this week’s episode had zero Pam, a bit of Sophie Ann and a ton of violence. Alan Ball, you’re a tease.

Russell brings Sookie and Bill back to his mansion, where everyone wants to know what the hell is going on. The King explains to Lorena, Eric, Talbot and the rest that Bill is not as trustworthy as he pretended to be. Then Bill stakes a guard.

He tries to kill Russell, which makes the King laugh. “I’m almost 3000 years old!” Respect your elders, William.

Eric steps in to guard Sookie in his own way – “I don’t know what it is, but it’s quite valuable.” Yes, “it” is Sookie. She looks offended, as would I. She is a lady!

“Eric, WTF?” She doesn’t actually use the acronym though. She is pissed.

Lorena wants to know what’s going to happen to Bill. First, he’s sent to the slave quarters. Second, Lorena is commanded to kill him. Eric is told to take Sookie into the library, but Sookie is busy threatening Lorena. “If you do kill him, I will kill you.” Lorena is a little more creative. “I would love to tear you open and wear your rib cage as a hat.” Well she is quite fashionable.

Sookie doesn’t understand why Eric is being so rude now. She mocks him saying how important she was to him, but now he’s telling her to shut up and stay out of his way.

But Russell interrupts, fixing up his belt as he just came from Talbot’s room. Bow chicka bow wow.

When asked yet again who she is, Sookie answers, “I’m a waitress.” Gotta love that about her. She barely works now. Speaking of, Jesus and Lafeyette are still on their date at Merlotte’s, but Arlene calls Lafayette back to work because of a late night customer. Arlene accidentally cuts herself slicing lemons and Jessica can’t help it – her fangs make an appearance.

“Please don’t kill me; I’m pregnant!” Arelene says, holding up her fingers as a cross. “Oh god – you’re probably picturing eating me even more.”

Jessica explains she just hasn’t eaten in days. She can’t help it, but she really has no interest in eating Arelene. My favorite scene of the whole episode is Jessica explaining that just because her fangs popped out “doesn’t mean I want to use them on you.” #lesbianallegory.

Jessica glamours the customer into putting down her food, leaving Arlene a big tip and go to the ladies’ room. Inside, Jessica takes a bite and sends the glamoured woman on her way.

Jason is making out with Crystal, who he notes is “so warm.” Uh oh – she’s obviously not human. The next clue: “You make me feel like 100% woman.” As opposed to? Then she freaks out: “I just wanted to get a taste of something I could remember forever.” Jason is so dense he doesn’t question any of this – nor when she arches her back and sniffs the air while on top of him. Oh Bon Temps – I guess he’s seen worse.

Lafayette and Jesus are giving each other the 411 on how they got to where they’re at today inside of Lafayette’s hot new ride. Sadly, Jesus discloses he never knew his father because his mom was raped. Two seconds later, Jesus is asking if he can kiss Lafayette, but there is a rule: “No sex on the first date.” There’s all kinds of dialogue our brothers at AfterElton.com are sure to love and then they start making out. Get it, girl!

Back at Russell’s, Sookie says she’ll answer some questions for him if she can ask him a few in return. He’s amused so he plays along, but they mostly talk about her and why she can read minds of anyone but vampires.

Russell brings out Bill’s secret file on her family. She starts crying and tells Russell she has no idea how the hell she has the powers she does and says she once threw a chain at someone and it wrapped around their neck “all by itself – like that face-grab thing from Alien.” When the hell did Sookie have time to watch Alien? I can’t ever picture her watching TV or going to the movies.

Russell mentions the Queen’s fascination with her, and Sookie asks, “There’s a queen?” Oh yes, Sookie, there’s a queen and she’s real close with your cousin Hadley.

In the slave quarters, Bill is chained to the floor and Lorena won’t stop reminiscing about the good times that are gone. She takes a scalpel and cuts him right down the middle. Bill begs her to do it quickly but she’d rather cut her own finger and put her blood inside him. “Not Sookie – me!” She begins sobbing blood and calling him “William” before cutting him again.

While we’re on the topic of crazy, Tara is tied up on the bed again and pretending to be in love with Franklin, who is mad she didn’t notice he shaved. He does have some info though – Sookie is in the building. Tara acts to be untied. “Two hands are better than none.” She will give him what he wants for the night as long as it means she’s free to find Sookie after.

But first, she has to grotesquely bite the hell out of his neck.

Rutina Wesley, you were hilarious and freaky. I salute you.

Eric is downstairs playing a game/flirting with Talbot. He knows how to play his cards right! He asks if the King knows how “lucky he is” to be with Talbot.

Russell asks Eric to go somewhere with him and Talbot freaks out. “You never take me anywhere!”

Sookie is forced into Bill’s old room where she screams his name to no avail. She suddenly begins to hear Tara’s thoughts. Tara promises to come for her in the morning and advises her to be ready to fight.

In the car, Russell asks Eric about his interest in Sookie. Eric claims his “tastes lie elsewhere” aka insinuating he is gay. Mhm. Eric would rather know about Russell’s relationship with werewolves and he looks surprised that the King is giving his blood to them. Eric is carefully plotting a way to get revenge for his viking family’s death by werewolves.

Back at Lafeyette’s, it’s clear he’s gotten a raise from his prime V sales. His pad is majorly updated and iced out. They start kissing again but are interrupted by the sound of hillbillies outside. They are bashing in the windows of Lafayette’s car with a bat.

Jesus runs out and grabs the bat while Lafeytte begins punching the hell out of another one. He tells them to sell his V and use the money to pay to fix his car. “Go tell your mama two f——s whipped your a-s, bitch!

Jesus isn’t impressed, though. He does not like that he just frenched a drug dealer.

The Queen is scratching off lotteries and she won $100. She shouts that she’s feeling lucky tonight, but Russell appears behind her to tell her differently.

She is not pleased that he killed her guards, but wants to know what he did with Hadley. “Relax,” he tells her, “Your human is safe.” Thank god, we can’t lose any lesbians on this show.

Russell gets down on one knee and asks for her hand in marriage again. “In addition to never touching you, I will settle all your debts!” Sounds good to me. That’s a great deal from a powerful beard. He promises to help her with the IRS and the Vampire League and she admits she pinned the selling of V on Eric.

Eric rushes in and pushes her on the ground as they both bare fangs. “You framed me so I renounce any and all allegiance to you,” she says. “I am his now!” He threatens to rip her head off and throw it in the pool. He is older than she is, after all. But Russell says no. He wants Sophie to be his.

Sophie-Ann has no choice. “Goddammit.” But as she’s carried away to be restrained she shouts out “Hadley – I want my Hadley.” Something tells me she’ll get to bring her girlfriend with her. Oh yes – it’s called a preview.

Lorena has basically cut the crap out of Bill and his blood is draining onto the floor. She tells him he’s a hypocrite for thinking she’s so evil. He used to like drinking human blood and watching “the light go from their eyes,” too. She doesn’t like when he brings up her maker, who made her lure men back to him before he murdered them and “defiled their bodies.” They dramatically scream at one another about their “nature” until they’re interrupted by Coot and Debbie, who looks like hell. They want to drink Bill’s blood and Lorena eventually gives them the OK. “Suck whatever’s left.”

Kids, don’t do drugs.

Tommy is watching TV at Sam’s but Sam would rather talk. He wants to know what the hell is going on between him and their father. “I just hate him. He’s a drunk,” Tommy says. “You may not want to talk about it but we’re going to talk about it,” Sam says. “OK, I’ll talk about it when I’m ready.” “Fair enough – as long as it’s today.” Brothers!

Their mom stops by and wants to chat with Tommy alone. She goes from being a friendly sweet Southern belle who wants Sam’s love to a money-hungry trash-talker trying to get Tommy to “go in the ring” like she did. It becomes quite obvious that their being shifters is being used to make money somehow, like in dog fights. Tommy is convinced Sam can help them and he doesn’t need to do this but Mama thinks otherwise. “Sam can’t be trusted. We’re all you’ve got. Deep down in your bones, you know it’s true.” Way to lay a guilt trip on him. Poor Tommy.

Jason has on his letterman’s jacket and brings a bouquet of flowers to Crystal’s shack. The d-bag who broke Lafayette’s windows last night opens the door and calls Crystal babe. Uh oh. Crystal tells Jason she doesn’t know who the hell he is and he better get off her property. “Bitch already told you to get off my property,” says the gentleman/Crystal’s fiancee. Jason leaves, dejected.

Tara awakens while Franklin is still asleep and takes an ancient weapon from the wall where’s its on display. She smashes the heck out of Franklin’s face, blood splotches dotting her skin.

She doesn’t care – she’s got a plan and it involves dressing in some random brown clothes that appeared in her room and pretending to be one of Russell’s employees. She gets passed the dumb werewolf/Patrick Swayze’s brother by saying she’s been ordered to feed Sookie almonds. Apparently, it will help her blood be awesome or something. But it was a trick and Sookie and Tara beat the hell out of the guard and escape down the hall screaming, which is bizarre because you’d think they’d try to escape quietly.

Sookie wants to find Bill but Tara is not interested. “You’re a f—ing idiot!” She tells his whipped friend.

At Merlotte’s, Arlene asks Sam about the pitbull his mom and dad have at the house they are renting. Sam knows it’s Tommy and goes to find him, but, of course, he’s nowhere to be seen. He calls Andy Balflour down to the restaurant and asks where dog fighting happens nearby.

The sheriff fills him in and Sam tells Arelene to get him anything he wants on the house. Andy looks quite pleased with himself. as Sam bolts for his truck. On his way out of the parking lot, he damn near causes an accident with Jason, who screams “Where the hell did you learn to drive, Sam Merlotte?”

Jason spots the teen quarterback humping his girlfriend in the parking lot. He slaps the kid’s bare ass and asks him to get out of the car. Once he does, Jason takes the kid’s throwing arm and twists it saying lewd behavior in public is against the law.

Although he’s not a cop yet, he will be one real soon. Jason warns him that he’s got his eye on him and let’s him go.

Tara is trying to escape Russell’s yard but spots a white wolf. Luckily, it’s Alcide and he is able to convince her he is there to save Sookie. “You got a car?” she asks. He does so he’s OK in her book.

Sookie makes a run for the slave quarters but has to hide when she sees the drugged out Debbie and Coot dancing together in the yard. “Trash,” Sookie says, which made me die LOLing. Anna Paquin is hilarious in this episode, from the mocking of Eric’s overdramatic intonation to clinging to her waitress identity.

She finally gets to Bill, and he’s so close to death. Lorena is still there, too, though and she pins Sookie up against the wall and takes a big bite.

What if Lorena became Sookie’s maker? Wouldn’t that make things interesting? I know, I know – it’s also highly improbable.

Lesbian Apparel and Accessories Gay All Day sweatshirt -- AE exclusive

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Back to top button