“Skins” Retro Recap (3.03): “Thomas”


Before Thomas, three things:

1) If you’re feeling peckish (Hi, Lauren!), go ahead and get a snack; there is so much weed in this episode you’re gonna end up eating the paper out of your printer if you don’t have any Cheetos close by.

2) If you’ve been in a hole or, I dunno, wearing some kind of SPF 100+ awesomescreen or something, I am pleased to tell you that AfterEllen.com’s Skins retro recaps are perfect when paired with a delicious assortment of LOLs at RophyDoes.com. Rophy are all up in this recap too, with graphics and screencaps and commentary.

3) My BFF just started watching Skins for the first time ever, which is my heart’s greatest delight because of G-chat messages like this: “Cook scares me so much when he laughs big, like the sound waves coming out of his mouth will FREEZE everything — and then he will eat it. With brown sauce.”


Hi, this is Thomas. He is so glad to met you.

Thomas just moved here from Congo and is, in fact, wearing every piece of clothing he owns because London’s weather is a persnickety little mistress. We’ll get to that in a second, because Effy’s got some insight as usual, but first Thomas has got to dance. And phone his mum. Then he’s got to go to the store to find out why the mardy bloke with the baseball bat sold him a bum phone card. (Just be glad he didn’t bash your head in with that bat for no reason, Thomas. You never know. You just never know.)

Thomas doesn’t have much in the way of money, so he hungrily eyes a doughnut display while the shop owner smacks down some little kids who are trying to nick sweets. The kids wrestle the bat away and Thomas comes to the rescue, warning them to stop picking on people twice their size and stop swearing because: “C–t is a very bad word. Very bad. Even in England, I think.”

That’s funny. If you said that on primetime TV in America, the FCC would fine you one hundred badrillion dollars.

The shop owner is thankful for Thomas’ help; he could have just stolen some food, but Thomas is a good guy (in series three), so he gets a big brown bag of doughtnuts as a thank you — which he devours at a bus stop. (Someone should tell Thomas about the Glycemic Index; he’s going to be starving in half an hour!)

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