I confess when Sophie and Sian’s relationship started up on Coronation Street a few weeks ago, I didn’t really pay much attention because it had been teased as a fling back in ’09. And it’s a 50 year old British soap, so I didn’t know if I would be able to pick up on the stories. And – you know what? Let’s just be honest – I felt like it might turn into a Naomily vs. Sophie/Sian fisticuffs, and we all know which side of that fight I’m going to land on (times infinity to eternity, you guys; I’m serious).
But lo, Katysnail private messaged me over the weekend with clips, and said that even though she is slightly ashamed for watching and enjoying Corrie, I should probably give it a go because it’s cute. And she’s right! And you know what else? It’s really authentic too.
So, I’m going to bring us all up to speed on the Sophie/Sian storyline, but first some ground rules: 1) Be gentle with me; I didn’t grow up watching this show. 2) No comparisons to Naomi and Emily, OK? My head will actually explode.
Sophie and Sian, Part One: With This Henna Tattoo, I Thee Gay Marry
Sophie and Sian are best mates. Sophie is being raised by the entire village because her mum has breast cancer and is staying with her sister, and her dad is the Rufus Humphrey of Weatherfield, only instead of pushing waffles he pushes microwave lasagna. Sian splits her time between her dad’s place in Weatherfield and her mum’s place in Southport. She literally jumps on a bus and goes back and forth six, maybe seven, times a day. She actually may live on a bus, I don’t know.
Recently, Sophie and Sian got matching henna tattoos on the backs of their necks, which is the perfect compliment to their matching friendship bracelets. They’re close, these two. Really close. So close, in fact, that Sian’s boyfriend, Ryan, is starting to get pissy about it. Sophie would rather get all up in Ryan and Sian’s dates and eat chips and get advice about dating than go on an actual date herself.
On the fateful evening that Sophie and Sian’s story begins edging from BFF into BFF+benefits, Ryan fully tells Sophie to get out of his house so he and Sian can enjoy some time alone before she has to go back to her mum’s. Sian cuddles more snugly into Sophie on the couch and is all, “We are crafting a really important text message, Ryan! God!”
Ryan then consults his Classic Horny Boy Moves pamphlet and chooses option number three out of five. He tells Sian if she doesn’t want him, then this whole other girl totally does want him. Sian assesses the situation, correctly deduces that she is, in fact, six levels hotter than than Ryan, and bounces with Sophie.
In Weatherfield, when people need to talk about their feelings, they sit outside on park benches, and so Sophie and Sian do that.
Sian: Why are boys so stupid?
Sophie: Oh, don’t ask me. It’s probably in their DNA or something. Do you really want to split up with him?
Sian: Why? Do you fancy him?
Sophie: No, I do not!
Sian: I’m off men.
Sophie: Me too.
Sophie says it’s super boring when Sian is away from her, and Sian says it’s super boring when Sophie is away from her, and they go inside and probably have tea, because there is an inordinate amount of tea on this show.
Sophie and Sian, Part Two: Juliet Says, Hey – It’s Romeo!
Ryan is bummed about the breakup with Sian, so when Sophie tries to comfort him, he tries to snog her (Classic Horny Boy Move number five of five). She jumps to her feet and shoves him and is outraged – seriously, hair flying everywhere – and shouts and storms away. The next day, he asks Sophie not to tell Sian about how he tried to stick his tongue down her throat because he really does love her and wants to try to work things out. Sophie is conflicted, so she has tea with the first person she slams into – as is her wont – where she learns that sometimes you have to lie to protect people’s feelings.
All her agony is for nothing, though, because when she walks outside, she sees that Sian’s third bus of the day has dropped her off, and she’s canoodling with Ryan.
Back together, Ryan reminds Sophie that he wanted to go bowling.
Sian: Oh, yeah. I’ll phone Sophie.
Ryan: Uh, what are you phoning her for?
Sian: Uh, because she’s my best mate.
Ryan: What about me?
Sian: Well, you’re my fella, aren’t you? Deal with it.
Ryan: I was hoping we could spend the day to ourselves. You’re always banging on about how we never spend any time together. I thought, just today…
Sian: OK, you win.
Ryan: It’s not about winning; it’s not a competition between me and Sophie.
Sian: Isn’t it?
Ryan: No. But even if it was, I’d always win it. Sophie can’t do this. [He kisses her.]
Oh, Ryan. Young, dumb Ryan. Your hair is bigger than your world.
Sophie phones Sian and tells her they have to talk. They go to a Feelings Bench and Sian tucks her foot under Sophie’s boot – because did I mention these two crawl all over each other like a box of puppies? – and Sophie says that Ryan tried to kiss her. Sian drags Sophie to Ryan’s to confront him, and he turns it around and says that Sophie came onto him. For some inexplicable reason, Sian believes him.
Sophie cries and Sian cries. Sophie pouts and Sian pouts. Sophie shouts and Sian shouts, and then Ryan comes clean, and Sian chucks him – again. Meanwhile, Sophie’s dad has spotted her henna tattoo and grounded her for a month because she “scarred herself for life” and her mum doesnt “need any more stress.” (I don’t know.) Sophie listens to “Bad Romance” and scrubs at the henna.
She’s crying on her bed when Sian comes to apologize for losing her mind and believing Ryan. Sian asks Sophie to come to Southport over the weekend so they can eat chips and get bombarded by seagull poop. (I watched this scene seven times because I thought the accents were tricking me, but I swear that’s what she said.) Sian goes in for another hug and realizes Sophia has scrubbed off her GayMarriage Tattoo.
Sophie: Ouch!Sian: What? SOPHIE!
Sophie: Sorry, but I had to get it gone.
Sian: You are more important to me than any lad; do you hear me?!
Sophie hears her loud and clear so she leans right in and does that thing Ryan said she couldn’t do. Before Sian starts crying harder and storms out, she kisses Sophie right back. In fact, one could argue upon repeated viewing (for screencap purposes) that Sophie might lean, but Sian does all the work.
Sian flees to Southport, and refuses to take any of Sophie’s calls. Finally, Sophie ignores her dad’s punishment and takes the train to visit Sian.
Sophie: Why are you being like this?Sian: Like what?
Sophie: Like I’ve done something really terrible to you.
Sian: Sophie, you kissed me!
Sophie: Yes. So?
Sian: So?! So … no! That is so not on! You might be like that, but I’m not!
Sophie: Like what?
Sian: Like, you know what I mean! Ugh! Like … a lesbian, Sophie! You might be one, but I’m not!
Sophie: I don’t know what I am.
Oh, Sophie! Sweet Sophie! Didn’t you ever watch Bad Girls? Nikki Wade could have helped you with this one: You’re not normal. You’re not abnormal! You’re just you! You do what you want, what you feel!
Sian kicks her out, and Sophie spends the next several days in a heap of bawling angst, which gets even bleaker when Sian mails back their matching friendship bracelets. She’s pitiful and confused because she didn’t know she was into Sian like that, and now that she does know, it’s all she can think about. And she’s wondering if she’s gay or straight or bi or if she really even wants or needs a label. Plus, I didn’t mention this before, but Sophie’s just gotten into Christianity, so she’s going to have to deal with that as well. But mostly, she just really misses her best friend.
Sophie and Sian, Part Three: Is This The Part Where We Play Katy Perry?
Everyone tries to cheer Sophie up because they think a bloke has broken her heart, and her sister even gives her a makeover and sends her out on a date with a dude who’s been into her for a while. Sian comes back to Weatherfield and goes to Sophie’s house, but when she finds out Sophie is on a date, she decides to go back to Southport. (Geezus, get this girl a teleporter.)
Sophie brings her date home so they can sit on opposite ends of the couch and watch Harry Potter, but then bounces the f-ck right out of there when her sister mentions that Sian came to see her. Sophie finds her on a Feelings Bench. Sian says she’s angry because:
Sian: You said you were confused and that you didn’t know what to think, and then you go out with a lad.
Sophie: I still am confused.
Sian: And now I am!
Sophie: Let’s not talk about it here.
They go to her grandfather’s shop and cuddle on the couch.
Sian: You and me. It never crossed my mind before.
Sophie: Really? Never?
Sian: No.
Sophie: Well, I don’t believe you.
Awesome. Awesome, Sophie. She tries to hold Sian’s hand, but she jerks away and wipes it on her jeans and fidgets and stutters and actually kind of growls a little bit. Then she reaches for Sophie’s hand.
Sian: I do think about you now. I just don’t know where it’s come from.
Sophie: But it’s there?
Sian: [Nodding] I really missed you.
They lean in at the same time and kiss and giggle and try to decide if this means they’re going out. (Actually, it means you’re making out, which is kind of better.) Sian has a bus to catch, per the ushe, so Sophie gives her her friendship bracelets back and they decide to keep their relationship a secret for a while. Sian kisses Sophie and says, “I can’t wait to see you again, and I haven’t even gone.”
Then she does go, leaving Sophie to daydream about her until, I guess, the evening, when her seventh bus of the day drops her back in Weatherfield.
What do you think of Sophie and Sian so far?
For more on the history of Britain’s soaps, check out the Great LezBritain overview. It’s a fun, enlightening read!
