Yesterday Jessica Capshaw announced that she is pregnant with her second child. Now, on the one hand, congratulations! May you add a happy, healthy bundle of joy to your family. On the other hand, oh no! May this please, please, I cannot tell you please enough, not turn into a pregnant lesbian storyline on Grey’s Anatomy.
You see, there is nothing at all wrong with pregnant lesbians. Heather is perfectly allowed to have two mommies. But we’re just really, really, really sick of seeing them on TV. No, really, we’re sick of them. The conflict of whether to get pregnant, the struggle to get pregnant, the search to find sperm — these are all well-worn topics. We do not need to go down that path once again with Callie and Arizona.
So, in an effort to help the Grey’s Anatomy writers avoid those same pitfalls, here are a few ways the show could work Jessica’s pregnancy into the show without actually making Dr. Arizona Robbins pregnant.
1. Make it a tumor.
Oh, wait — damn! That feeds into the dead lesbian stereotype. Scratch that one.
2. Make her heavier.
People gain weight, this is a fact. Big is beautiful, baby. Plus think of all the shots of a sweaty, sport bra-wearing Arizona you could use to explain away her sudden weight loss nine months later.
3. Make Arizona attacked by debilitating shyness.
She hides behind doors, couches, large potted plants. Basically, this gives her a reason to stand behind any large stationary items that will hide her baby bump.
4. Make Callie overcome with separation anxiety.
This will mean Callie will constantly be standing with and in front of Arizona, accomplishing the same belly hiding goals as the shyness disease. Bonus: Sara Ramirez gets extra snuggle time with Jessica.
5. Make believe it’s not happening.
Just ignore it, other shows have. Write around her pregnancy and keep her in loosely-cut lab coats. Keep Arizona behind a desk or, better yet, in bed with Callie with the covers drawn up.
With all the recent baby talk between Callie and Arizona recently, this news seems like it could seal Calzona’s fate. But don’t take the easy way out, Shonda Rhimes. Be original. Not parking lot of no return original, but original.
So, have any non-pregnant lesbian storyline ideas of your own? Speak now or, in nine months, get ready for some crying.