“FlashForward” mini-cap (1.13): “Blowback”

I know I’ve been a Negative Nancy about this show lately, but can you blame me? The writers have been such teases after creating just one lez-tastic episode with lots of Janis Hawk and Maya, followed by nothing of the sort.

However, I’ve gotta thank the creators for providing a couple of things to tickle my lezzy fancy this week:

1. The title, “Blowback,” is all-too-reminiscent of Kit Porter’s first single entitled “Bareback” from The L Word.

2. Producer/rapper Timbaland makes a cameo in the episode! (Not really a lezzy thing, but that was an awesome surprise.)

3. The re-introduction of Gabrielle Union (as Zoey) and Genevieve Cortese (as Tracy). I have no words, so I’ll let the pictures do the talking.

Keep it up, ABC, and I won’t be so critical of the plotlines.

“Blowback” commences with a flashback depicting a pre-teen Tracy visiting her father, Aaron, in prison, after which lewd comments from a prison guard send Aaron into a fury and get him subdued by more guards. Cut to the present, and like father, like daughter, the gorgeous Tracy (of ABC Family’s Wildfire fame!) is drowning her troubles at the local dive bar because Aaron, a recovering alcoholic, forbade her from drinking at home. Ignoring the snark, Aaron notes that if Tracy is so worried about Jericho (the black-ops unit allegedly out to capture Tracy), then isn’t it pretty silly for her to be chilling at a bar near her home in plain sight? Touché, Aaron.

Speaking of gorgeous women, Gabrielle Union is looking fine as ever as Demetri’s fiancé, Zoey, and freaking out about the vision in which Mark shoots Demetri, which relates to her flashforward about being at Mark’s memorial, not their wedding.

Demetri assures her that nothing is going to happen, and he’s filed the paperwork to have Mark’s gun destroyed so that the flashforward won’t come true and they can live happily married after all.

Good morning, Janis Hawk!

She’s poring over her schedule while popping prenatal vitamins. Whaaa? We later see her at a fertility clinic, where she explains that she must conceive her baby in the next week in order to fulfill her flashforward.

Though the doctor warns her of the sheer impossibility of her being able to conceive due to the injury she sustained when she was shot, Janis asserts, “This is my baby.” Afterward, tells Demetri about being at the fertility clinic and not wanting to be only an FBI agent who won’t have the joys of dressing her daughter in pink or brushing her hair. Yep, Janis is a lesbian.

Zoey gives a whole new meaning to “devotion,” and takes on a personal mission to prevent Demetri’s murder. Being the badass lawyer she is, she interrogates Mark, serves Dem’s boss, Wedeck, with Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) papers, and even takes on terrorist Alda Hertzog’s case in exchange for information. Who needs national security when you’re protecting the one you love?

This obviously doesn’t fly with Dem, but with Janis’s help, he realizes that all this hysteria is out of love. Maybe hysterical love. I have a headache.

Did I mention that Tracy is really hot? Well, she is, but silly pops divulged her whereabouts to Mike Willingham, her “friend” from serving in Afghanistan, who immediately informs Jericho and gets her tranquilized, boxed up, and shipped ‘n’ handled all the way to Kandahar, Afghanistan. Way to go, daddy-o! Dad realizes his mistake and sets out to beat the crap out of Mike, tie him up in the back of his pick-up, and hang him upside-down at Jericho general James Erskine’s house. Not a very appropriate birthday present for a five-year-old.

Meanwhile, Mark finally gets Lloyd to drop his knowledge about D. Gibbons, whose actual name is Dyson Frost, which makes me giggle at the thought of those ultra-chic vacuum cleaners. Anyway, Dyson Frost and crew threatened to harm Lloyd’s son Dylan, which is why he wouldn’t talk. Dyson is also wrote a paper about the consciousness of species, including crows. Just like Mark had said, they need to go to Somalia. And Simon is going with them because his designs for the towers in Somalia were stolen, so they obviously need his expertise to figure out what to do with them.

“Here comes Timbaland!”

Zoey and Dem are about to get Mark’s gun destroyed once and for all, but when Timbo opens the box that initially contained the weapon, it’s gone! I guess fate has a tricky way of playing itself out, but I’d hate to see anything but a coy smile on Zoey’s face. A plaintive frown would be just too much for my heart to handle.

Next week: In “Better Angels,” the gang heads to Somalia, but not for an all-inclusive resort vacay — instead, they’re hunting for clues, crows, and skeletons. Further evidence about the next blackout hinges on daughter Charlie’s flashforward, but she cries that if she reveals info, “something bad will happen.”

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